Anime Questions Answered
by TheMysteriousAuthoress
Summary: By putting the InuYasha characters into stupid, yet funny, situations we attempt to find answers to InuYasha-related questions. Join TMA in this insane adventure that answers various, mind-numbing questions. Admit it, you've thought of these things before
1. Grunty noises! 111one

Hi everybody and welcome to…

Anime Questions Answered

To be specific I use the characters from InuYasha (and occasionally some other animes…) to answer questions about anime and its laws.

I like ALL of the characters, so don't be offended. It is just really fun to exaggerate a character's features.

Yeah, so on with the story.

**Question: What would happen if an anime character was unable to say the name of their attack or make those creepy grunty noises?**

--

"Du du du du du We're traveling! Traveling!" sang Kagome and Shippo their regular perky (to say the least) selves.

"Gahhhh!" cried InuYasha as he used his Wind Scar to destroy the demons Naraku had sent. Naraku gets bored easily. He's lonely, horribly lonely. And no one wants to play with him, so he makes them play…his way.

As they walked, the background shifted from a sunny, dirt road with lush, green hills in the distance to dead trees, darkness and overuse of menace and the color black. Literally, from one step to the next, the mood, background, and everything shifted.

Then, Miroku stated the obvious, "We must be getting closer!"

"Did the rabid demons tell you or the dead bodies?" InuYasha replied in his usual rage filled, sarcastic way. Wow, InuYasha said something remotely reasonable while in character! TMA out did herself!

Miroku looked shifty-eyed around at everyone. They all looked back, waiting for his oh-so wise response that would leave InuYasha dazed and only able to say "feh wuteva!"

"Uhh….LOOK I'M TACTFULLY CHANGING THE SUBJECT!" Miroku looked at the feline, two women, and Shippo. They shrugged, signaling that bigger words would have been better; big words confuse EVERYONE.

"Woah… now I forget what we were talking about," InuYasha said bemused. Sango shook her head in approval; the only time she confused him was when she decided to stab him repeatedly with her sword in retaliation.

"Umm Kikyou." Kagome winced. Kikyou had an odd habit of being around even if she wasn't. Does that make sense? No. No it doesn't and no one cares…except for you.

InuYasha nodded.

"Ah of course," he cleared his throat and yelled, "KIKYYYYYYYYYYOUUU!"

He assumed the fetal position on the ground as the pain of their betrayal washed over him in waves of emo. Miroku turned away to poke a rotting corpse. Sango, Kagome, and Shippo shrugged and sat on the ground to play 3-way patty cake. It passed the time when InuYasha wanted to grieve privately and in a not so obvious way.

Then Kagura appeared and she recited her usual lines, "Naraku wants your shards blah blah blah death blah blah blah however…"

Miroku suddenly tuned in; his pervert on red alert!

"_However is like but! And if you add a__ letter __'t' it's butt! Which I grope if it belongs to a hot young woman!! Kagura's a woman! I think…"_ Before he could pretend to reflect on their deadly situation, the hand took over.

Now the hyphens with an active verb will explain what he did so TMA doesn't have to write a sentence!

-twick twick (pause) twick twick-

If it wasn't obvious, he was groping Kagura's BEHIND. Her Toochis was touched in a perverted manner. Her ass/arse was violated.

Normally by now, Miroku would be unconscious or wearing a large, red handprint. Today however (but!) he was lucky. He found a woman his equivalent in pervert. Kagura is kinkier though, a lot kinkier.

In a flash, he was gagged (in a kinky way) and half-naked with his "toned" and muscularly perfect body shown to the world. The world looked away. One could not blame it.

"Miroku!" called out Sango worried about the monk.

"He looks so scared," she said to Kagome, confiding in her the fear that she felt for her perverted fiancé.

"_THIS IS SO FREAKIN' SWEET!_" Miroku was so excited about his slightly raised chance at getting laid that he threw a party in his head. A cra-zay frat par-tay like Animal House only it was Japanese and there were fewer skirts/togas.

Then Kagura made an unfortunate deadly move that would forever scar Miroku. She smacked that ass! Miroku was shocked.

"_At least I'm gentle…"_ He thought as he remembered all the pinches and slaps ...gentle 'rubs' on Sango's and other women's butts.

"How ironic, he gets exactly what he gives," whispered Kagome to a slightly pissed but agreeing Sango. God, Kagome, that sounded stupid. You're stupid…and smelly.

His chance at getting some action (with his own consent) dropped to zero and he did the one thing he could.

"_Wind tunnel!"_ he thought but it didn't come.

"Huh?" everyone said (and Miroku thought.) Then Miroku felt a pressure, that wasn't peer pressure, in his body.

"_It must be the wind tunnel!"_ Nope. They all sat around waiting. The pressure kept building.

"_This'll be it!"_ Miroku thought happily; Once again, nope.

"Got any sixes?" InuYasha asked the saber-toothed snake-like demon.

"RAWRGHHHHH!!!"

"Damn it I always have to go fish…"

Now the pressure was greater and Miroku pushed his arm out and tried to say Wind Tunnel.

But(t) then realized slowly that he couldn't talk. The gag was still in his mouth. And his head had a metal cage around it. Kinky sure has its prices; namely pride and self-respect.

The pressure was greater now.

'_Uh-oh,"_ thought Miroku, "_I'm totally fuc-BOOM." _

"Wow Kagome it's so pretty!"

"Yeah!" replied Kagome, "Who knew Miroku exploding and showering us with blood could be so colorful and happy!"

"Mirokuuuu NOOOO!!! HE DIED TO SAVE ALL OF CHINA! I BORE HIM A CHILD! Please wake up it's just a scratch," Sango begged as she poked a stray bone.

"Sango, we live in Japan, so he didn't. No, you didn't bear him a child, we spy and never give you two the privacy you deserve, so we'd know, and he won't wake up because it's not a scratch."

Kagura and the demons had conveniently left for Kitten's Strip Joint and jello shots. They rudely didn't not invite the gang to come along.

"Jewel shards! Naraku! Kikyou! And instant ramen," cried the unintelligent InuYasha meaning he wanted to getting going. For some reason this pissed Kagome off. Maybe she had to reach her osuwari quota of the day or something.

"OSUWARI! That's for nothing! OSUWARI! Because the sky is blue! OSUWARI."

After days of traveling and sing-along, well… they were still traveling and singing along.

"Dududududu We're traveling! Traveling!" The words appeared beside Kagome's swinging arms and a Shikon jewel bounced on each syllable of their Traveling Song. Shippo jumped up to wave at the screen as he sang in "this breath-taking, original sing-along! Shippo is adorable!"-Tokyo Times.

"Miroku! Kohaku!!" Sango had taken Miroku's death poorly and still did that grieving thing. Gosh, that was like two days ago, Sango! Get over yourself. Everyone else was over it.

"EVERYONE AROUND ME DIES!" Kagome and Shippo got shocked and scared looks on their faces but continued singing. Everyone quickly moved away from Sango and left her in the dust. It must suck to have to be the angst-filled past character in a story.

"Ahhhh! Kill me! I hurt so much!" The sing-a-long stopped abruptly.

"OSUWARI!"

"Ahhhhhhhhh!! I-I think my spine just snapped."

"Don't be such a baby! Osuwari!"

Kagome and InuYasha have such a good relationship.

**Answer**: You get all kinky like (XD), feel a lot of pressure and blow up in pretty, happy colors. Well if you are Miroku, you do….if you aren't, I don't know what to say.

--

Feel free to express your feeling on this. Remember no potty mouth and have a reason for your complaint (not because 'U SUCK'.) Moreover, I'll try to fix my writing the ways you suggest. We're all novices here, remember?

Thank you, especially if you actually read this.


	2. Kagome and her big ole eyes

This is the edited version so I added details and fixed mistakes. Enjoy!

NOTE: I do NOT hate Kagome OR gay people. Gay people rock.

Anime Questions Answered

Question: Why are anime characters' eyes so large?

The group was travelin- "dududu we're traveling! Traveling!" SHUT UP! Ok so they were on a journey. "Yay! It's an adventure on the open…feudal land!"

Miroku was surprisingly alive. Sango had been right (unfortunately) it had been just a scratch. Then Kagome saw something in the distance.

"Are they jewel shards? Huh? Huh? Huh? Tell me," barked InuYasha as he hopped up and down like an ADHD dog on crack. Do dogs act weird on crack? Who knows…

"Shut up, Osuwari!" Kagome has Chronic Rage Syndrome and poor InuYasha is her outlet.

"Gahhhhh!" They make a great couple, don't they?

They were closer to whatever was in the distance. It was less distancy though because they well they're closer. (Kagome/Shippo) "Getting closer, Getting cloooooser!" Oh my God SHUT UP!

After a few gropes, spontaneous songs "Spontan-" (A gun is pulled out. 'I'll use it!'), a couple 'osuwari's and…spontaneous songs, they were even closer. "Clo-"

("I'LL USE IT DAMN YOU!")

Kagome could make out (Shippo) "Oh k-i-s-s-i-n-g"

(I SWEAR to God!) Kagome could see the outlines of people.

"We're all people people! You should be too!"

That's it. The authoress having been narrating pulled out Fred, Fred the semi-automatic. After five minutes, Kagome finally noticed Fred and she was a little shocked. Her eyes widen more than usual (which is wide) and she stared at Fred the semi-automatic.

"SHINY! Precious... Stay with Kagome." Her eyes got widen at the thought of forever being with the shiny. Still walking towards the far off village, she stared at the shiny that was pointed at her head. And everybody else stared at Kagome, a little scared. After a little of this creepy silence the authoress ran for the hills. She needed to keep narrating and that's where she kept her flying unicorn.

"No!!!! SHINY WE HAD SO LITTLE TIM TOGETHER AND I'LL NEVER LOVE ANOTH-oh baby!" They had reached the far off village (that wasn't exactly far off any more but ya know.)

It was called "Hotmencomeandgetem" The men were hot. Male model covered in water, tear their clothes off kind of hot. And they were shirtless their triceps biceps and every other –cep was glistening in the light. Kagome's eyes became twice their current (wide) size. "Thank you God!!!!

Sango didn't quite get it though.

"Aren't they supposed to be skinny, have bad acne and pimple scars, wear thick glasses, be pale, and be afraid and/or allergic to everything? That's the image of sexy….right?"

"Yes! I have a chance!" yelled the suddenly pale, skinny, paranoid, thick-glassed, and acne-covered Miroku. Kagome's eyes widened at the creepy mental images.

InuYasha sighed and stared at his imperfection. Kikyou and Kagome would never want a hideous beast like him! All that glistening muscle, those intense eyes of golden beauty, the long, silver hair a maiden fair would kill for, and his lack of fear; he was disgusting compared to Miroku.

While InuYasha's self-confidence dropped to the negatives, one of the male models (that's what the villagers are called for short) went over to the freaky strangers. "Hello? Can I -"

"YES I'LL MARRY YOU!" Kagome butted in trying to be alluringly subtle. It wasn't working very well.

"Well I'm flattered but-"

"Twelve kids? Hey let's get started on them!" The man looked taken aback but continued to reason with her.

"Excuse me but I'm trying to-"

"Seduce me? You had me at 'Hello. Can I-'!"

Then InuYasha pulled out Fred the semi-automatic that the authoress had left for his protection. Kagome's eyes took up her entire face, covering her forehead down to her chin.

"Sh-Shiny umm…. Uhh…" For once in her life, Kagome was speechless.

Realizing the shiny had discovered her infidelity Kagome's eyes widened (AGAIN) at the thought of what he/it would do. She was torn between the male model guy and Fred the Semi-automatic (SHINY!)

Taking advantage of her inability to speak male model guy spoke.

"I'm sorry young lady but this is a village ….of all gay men. Look at the sign." Everyone turned to the sign that none of them had noticed earlier. How convenient!

"Hotmencomeandgetem

Population: 568

Not straight since 1409."

"Good year 1409," InuYasha said thoughtfully.

Kagome's eyes widened. InuYasha's eyes widened. Sango's, Shippo's, Miroku's, Kirara's, Authoress', John Carrey's eyes widened. Basically, everyone's eyes grew larger due to their shock and sudden surprise.

However, Kagome's eyes kept growing larger. Her eyes grew so big that they acted like a neutron star and collapsed in on themselves. This led to internal bleeding then external bleeding.

And she blew up. Covered in Kagome's blood and stray internal organs Shippo sang. "I'm covered in Kagome's insides! Dududududu!"

Her friends failed to notice; after all, 1409 WAS a good year and worth thinking about.

XXX

ANSWER: Apparently, their eyes need to be large. There is no answer! Stop pressuring me!!


	3. Express yourself with anime expressions

This is my edited version. Enjoy the fixes!!

Anyways, it's story time!

Anime Questions Answered

QUESTION: Why do some anime characters get sweat drops, chibi/deformed and those crossed veins? What happens to them?

"Dududududududu we're traveling!!" InuYasha, Sango, (the damned alive) Miroku, Shippo and Kirara sweat dropped.

"OSUWARI!" InuYasha already weighed down by his sweat drop fell into the ground.

"Why?" he cried with the sweat drop and crossed veins across his face.

"You were being mean!" Another sweat drop fell down Sango's, Miroku's and InuYasha's faces.

"B-but-t how can you sit **me?**" InuYasha asked as he was suddenly super deformed AKA chibi. The two sweat drops and crossed vein were still upon his chubby, deformed face.

"Shouldn't those be gone by now?" Sango asked Miroku. Miroku shrugged.

"OOH YOU ARE SO KAWAII!!!!!!!!!!" Kagome screamed in sudden joy. Twitchy marks appeared on InuYasha's forehead. She glomped InuYasha and he surprisingly couldn't escape; going chibi makes one weak and pussy-like.

Another, much larger than the others, sweat drop slid down InuYasha's shocked forehead.

"YOU JERK!" Kagome cried as she hit him over the head with a mallet that had suddenly surfaced from within her bag. "YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT KIKYOU!!"

Several lumps appeared on top of the other, and a Band-Aid covered one cheek. Now crossed veins, sweat drops, twitchy marks, lumps, and a Band-Aid covered InuYasha's face, and he was still in Chibi form. InuYasha could barely move he was so heavy with anime expressions.

Then Koga randomly showed up. "Kagome, my love, whom I will someday get really drunk and marry by force, hey."

"……uhhh, hi Kouga!" Kagome replied cheerfully, unaware of everything Kouga had said. It's because she's –you know- spacey. InuYasha sweat dropped at Kagome's spaceiness (pardon the spelling) and cross-veined at the "stupid wolf." The extra weight of those expressions gave him a neck ache he took out on Koga. …or tried to…. Yeah tried to.

"Stupid mutt!" Kouga easily kicked InuYasha into the ground because of the extra "anime expression" weight.

"Damned wolf!!!" Ohhh, it was on! Their terrible name-calling fight would ring down the eras, being told to every girl and boy! How exciting.

"InuYasha…..OSUWARI! O-SU-WAR-I!!!" Well, it was good while it lasted.

"Ow! Ow! Ahhhh ahh!! Oh my God!!" A swinging tear attached to each of his eyes. "Stop sitting me," he yelled after standing up and then crashing into the ground.

"InuYasha, I'm not." Kouga grew bored as Kagome wasn't paying any attention and he left. Trying to stand again InuYasha had another crossed vein.

"Of course you are wench!!!" Duh, Kagome.

"Well I felt sorry and wasn't going to for a while but now-"

"Uhhh… Kagome."

"OSUWARI!!!" InuYasha crashed through the ground all the way to the earth's core.

"Pretty lights! Ow Pretty lights ow! The Pretty lights burrnnnnnnnn!!!!!" The pretty lights –as you can tell- hurt him but they were so pretty…he had to touch them… And they burned him alive…

So Kouga came back, got Kagome crunk (oh yeahhhh, Sake), carried her off, and married her while she was absolutely shit-faced. InuYasha hung out in hell with Kikyou, and both he and Kagome were totally miserable.

Yatta!

ANSWER: They –meaning the characters- get mad, sad, desperate, hurt or embarrassed and fall into the earth's core.

If anyone can tell me how to properly spell (this spelling isn't it for all you smart ones out there) "Spaceiness" (spacey + -ness) I will love you forever.

**And for those who care the next chapter's question is****……..**

**"What the hell is up with alternate pairings that will never happen?"**


	4. YAY alternate pairings fo' life!

This is one of my favorite chapters. It's just so…stupid. I also edited this so it's even more enjoyable.

Anime Questions Answered

NOTE: There is no homosexual or heterosexual sex in this chapter. Skip ahead to chapter fourteen for that stuff.

I don't hate homosexuals. "To each, his own."

Ayame doesn't have a tail; here she does-get over it.

QUESTION: What the hell is up with alternate pairings that would never happen?

The group was traveling on some random quest again. "Dudududududu We're traveling!"

"Kagome shut up," InuYasha yelled, as he had no sexual or romantic interest in her at all. He was alllll about Kikyou…and Ayame. They're both canines; they have so much in common!

Sango was busy thinking about Sesshomaru's nice ass. Even though they spent about three frames with eachother, she felt an intense love for him deep in her soul.

Kagome felt hurt by InuYasha's rudeness so she "osuwari-ed" him. He was such a jerk! She'd rather be with, like, Naraku or something. Mhhmmmm, tentacles!

Then they ran into Kouga. "Kouga! Take me with you InuYasha's being mean!!" Figuring it was as close to a declaration of love as possible he carried her off.

Next, Sesshomaru appeared and Sango decided to go off with him because Miroku's a perv. Miroku and InuYasha figuring they had nothing to lose went off hand in hand, skipping, and giggling to look for a "romantic" spot.

"Whoa, Whoa, Whoa! I am NOT doing this!" Kagome was appalled at Kouga's suggestion. They weren't even a serious couple yet!

"Please my dear, sweet Kagome…." Kouga wanted to do this he was ready and wanted to do this with her for the rest of his life. He would only ask his one true love- his _soul mate_- to do this with him. Kagome was that soul mate; he could feel it.

"I REFUSE TO HELP YOU WASH THE WOLVES!!!!"

Sango was having a similar problem. Sesshomaru was tall, hot and handsome (SEXY!!!!!!!!!!) but something was _wrong._ His terrifying blood lust, killing sprees, and existence as an emotionless shell of a man? Fine. His main traits involving ruthless, demonic, and frightening evil? Also fine. But one thing wasn't fine. And that was his ass. It was too …flabby. She was wrong; his ass WASN'T a fine dimepiece.

Running for her life Sango conveniently ran into Kagome. "Switch?"

"Switch."

InuYasha and Miroku were having similar problems. "A-are you sure it goes **there**?"

"Well I don't know…. I think…." Being homosexual was difficult for the two.

"….I'm going to go find Ayame," said Miroku.

"Yeah, I'll go look for Kagura." They shook hands and ran in different directions, in search of their loves.

But Ayame wouldn't shut up about Kouga, her tail got in the way of her ass and her "drive" was low.

"Sorry Miroku, wolves do it in the spring!" Miroku's jaw and heart fell at the same speed.

And Kagura was too evil… and kinky. So they switched places but Miroku balled like a baby as Kagura assaulted his body. "K-Kagura I'm still haunted by chapter one!"

And Ayame was the definition of stupid to InuYasha. "Kouga blah blah Kouga blah blah! I'll get Kouga drunk blah blah make him marry me! Blah blah blah…" Both she and Kouga believed getting someone drunk and then marrying them while they are drunk is a good idea; they have so much in common!

"Who the hell likes KOUGA!!!??" They separated due to uncompromisable differences.

Kagome was much too perky for Sesshomaru. After all, there isn't too much supporting their pairing anyways. And Sango tried to kill the loud "offensive wolf."

"You're my woman!"

"I'm my own person!"

"You will always submit to me and do what I ask of you!"

"DIE, OFFENSIVE WOLF DIE!!!" She's a feminist.

All four met in the woods, disheartened.

"Oh well…." Then Miroku got another one of his brilliant – but perverted- ideas.

"Mirkag Inusan!" It worked for a while. Kagome couldn't sleep for fear of what Miroku would do. The first night of their relationship is an excellent example.

"AHHHHH!! Where did you find WHIPPED CREAM!!!??" She awoke strapped to a tree with leather straps, wearing a schoolgirl outfit (roleplay, baby), and covered in all the ingredients used to make an ice cream sundae.

"Give into the sensations Kagome! You will like them soon enough!" But she didn't.

Sleep deprivation sucks.

And InuYasha was much too loud for the reserved Sango. So to settle their arguments they used their weapons…on each other…a lot.

InuYasha went to find Kikyou and Miroku became the Band of Seven's "boy toy" which left Kagome and Sango. Having a relationship with your best female friend makes bathing hard.

"So uhh …what do we do now?" Kagome and Sango sat in a hot spring. They were both naked and very uncomfortable. Geez, just do it already! That's the REASON everyone reads Kagome/Sango!

"Touch each other?" Yes, Kagome, TOUCH EACH OTHER. You weren't into Miroku, Sesshomaru, OR anyone else! You're meant for each other.

"That just seems kind of odd." Shut up Sango, or you'll be the one getting tied down!

"Well Sango we are supposed to be madly in love lesbians with a high sexual appetite." Thank you Kagome. Now get on with it.

"…I'm gonna go find Naraku." Damn it. Nobody liked you anyways, Sango…cuz you smell funny.

"Let's go together; it'll help his low self- confidence." So off they went! At least, there's a threesome.

(Random totally unneeded Narrator: "Elsewhere with InuYasha and Kikyou!")

"Oh….Oh my God! Uhhhh Kikyou!"

"InuYashaaa."

"Could you bathe?" That certainly isn't the conversation one would expect.

"I'd fall apart I am made of clay… InuYasha…" Why must Kikyou be the voice of reason? She probably smells like dirt and stuff like that just like the cat from '_Pet Sematary_.'

"Ok buh-bye." Kikyou was dumped. Poor girl didn't know how to keep a man.

And Miroku couldn't deal with Kyukotsu's …"largeness." So our two favorite men switched again.

(R.T.U.N "With Miroku and Kikyou") Kikyou just sat there. She didn't make any noise. Miroku was doing his best but being a pimp didn't mean he was GOOD at it. You know what I'm talkin' 'bout: it.

"Could you move a little?"

"Why?"

"Because you could pretend to care!"

Being chained to a bed in Jankotsu's private quarters disturbed InuYasha.

"No Jankotsu Not again! Stop!!!" InuYasha sobbed. "Please! Let me go!" He wasn't having any fun.

"Oh baby I love it when you role play " Jakotsu purred.

"DAMN IT WHAT'S THE SAFEWORD?!!!"There was no safe word; Jakotsu hadn't made one up. Unlike Kikyou he knew how to keep his man: chained to a bed and unable to escape.

With Naraku, it wasn't much better.

"I am NOT going to mindlessly serve you like my brother!" Sango argued with him as he attempted to brainwash her.

"And I'd prefer to not be touched by those tentacles"-Kagome pushed the tentacles away from her chest-"ANYWHERE or to find the jewel shards for you!"

"I'm not evilly sexy enough to sway you?" Sango and Kagome looked at each other.

"Nope."

"Not really."

"Sorry, I'm just not feeling it."

Naraku's confidence dropped into the negatives and he withered away. Bam! Dead…

InuYasha and Miroku escaped from their relationship prisons. But just barely.

"Inu baby! Don't leave me!!!"

"Jankotsu I figured out the safe word so you have to let me go." (He made up a word [which happened to be "sexy, heart-shaped, love drug" and Jakotsu, being his rather light-headed self, thought that he HAD created a safeword and that THAT was it, so he let InuYasha out.)

"B-but I didn't make one! WHY GOD WHY?!?!!!" InuYasha ran for it during Jankotsu's anguished cries.

Kagome went off to the Band of seven to replace InuYasha and Sango 'did' a suddenly older Shippo.

Unfortunately, it's hard to be perky among ruthless, living-dead mercenaries. Kagome wasn't doing so well with them.

"Let's play hopscotch!" She giggled and laughed happily at the idea. These dead people weren't so bad!

"Oh sorry we were gonna go kill innocent beings."

"Yeah."

"It's in my date book and everything."

"Like totally!!!!" (Guess who that was?)

"Gerk!"

"Are you even going to kill little puppies and kitties?"

"Especially, they taste awesome!" The other six men cheered at Bankotsu's statement.

"Let's have that for dinner tonight," Jakotsu suggested and more cheers insued.

"Oh my God!!" Kagome ran from her hopscotch area and vomited in the bushes. The Band of Seven laughed until they cried at her pain and misery.

They brought back the dead kittens and puppies to her, and forced her to cook them. It turns out that puppies and kittens taste a bit like chicken. Kagome ended up loving them and ate more than everyone else.

And it's hard to not shudder when you're "doing" someone considerably younger than you.

"STUPID PARODY!!!" screamed Sesshomaru (in a sudden and surprising fit of passion), InuYasha, Miroku, Kagome, Sango, Ayame, Kouga and Kikyou (also in a sudden fit of passion ) and the Band of Seven. "Alternate pairings are only good for angst romances and one-shots anyways!"

They all accepted their fates. Kikyou and Naraku paired off making a lovely, dark couple. Their days were spent quietly and angstfully. It suited them just fine.

Kagura with Sesshomaru was expected anyways. The two couple's only problem was their inability to show emotions. But for them it was convenient, like their marriages.

After all, random characters fall in love to prevent them from getting it on (Narrator: "All night long!") with the main or secondary characters.

"…" Kagura and Sesshomaru sat at dinner and neither said a word.

"…..Pass the rice…" Sesshomaru said quietly. She threw it at his head. It missed and crashed into the wall.

"…"

What a beautiful example of both couple's devotion to their loving partner!

From this experience, Ayame had learned how to get a man, specifically Kouga. With three gallons of sake coursing through his system, Kouga proposed to Ayame. She didn't care that she had given him the ring or that he didn't remember it the next day. It still counted…right?

They lived such a happy life. Kouga and his alcohol were inseparable, unlike him and his jobs. Ayame took care of Daisy May, Billy Joe, Bobby Jr., Louisa Joy, Willy Bob and Robbie June. They were some happy red-neck wolves ya'll!!!!!1434798484EXCLAMATIONPOINTSSHOWHOWREDNECKYTHEYWERE!!!

The Band of Seven mainly got off by killing the masses. But we don't give a shit about them anyways.

Secondary characters always fall in love because they're the ones that don't get much character development Miroku and Sango had finally worked out their troubled relationship.Their schedule was: eight thirty AM to five forty-five PM, Tuesday to Friday were double-sided groping days. The rest of the time was for "admiring" their favorite part of the body's anatomy. They didn't sleep much though. Fear of what might happen while they were unconscious stopped that. (Trust was an issue.)

"You sure you're not tired? We've been awake for four days now." They both yawned loudly, and Sango slowly nodded off.

"Nope I'm not sleepy at all Miro- AHHHH Don't do that I'm asleep!!!" Images of whips danced in her head.

"N-no Sango not there! Please not up there, NOOOOOOOO!!!!"

"Wow this is awkward."

"Yeah," they both agreed.

And Rin had magically grown up overnight

just like Shippo. InuYasha and Sesshomaru were so well broken by abusive wives… so well behaved at the wedding that they didn't destroy everything within a 50 mile radius-only the 49.99-mile radius! They're getting better. So now, Rin and Shippo only need to worry about getting "protected" from each other.

"Stop!!" InuYasha and Sesshomaru barged into the dark room.

"Aahhhhh I'm naked for God's sakes!" Rin screamed and covered herself with a blanket.

"COVER YOUR EYES!" InuYasha smacked a hand over Shippo's eyes. Young boys shouldn't see such things. "See Shippo I told you see was a succubus!" Shippo sighed.

"I've been married to her for FIVE YEARS!! And I'm still a freakin' virgin leave!" Sesshomaru and InuYasha trudged out but Sesshomaru shot the young couple a look that meant they wouldn't be doing anything while HE was alive.

After a lot of crap and believing one loved another (which is silly because everyone except Shippo and Rin were busy having kids) InuYasha and Kagome got together. They both fought, disagreed on everything, called the cops often, hurt each other physically and emotionally but they **had** to be in love. The main characters always get together. Kagome did have a hard time explaining the bruises to the neighbors though….

ANSWER: Alternate pairings are funny! That's why people support them because when someone ends up with the right person there's happiness or mutual abuse. Everyone likes one-sided pain better. Either way alternate pairings rock!!

XXX

And this is kind of funny… In the first chapter, Kagura put a metal cage on Miroku's head. Well I'm researching medieval torture devices for a project and it actually exists! It's called a Brank and it was used on shrewd woman. Haha Miroku's a woman!

**And for those who give a damn the next chapter's question is …**

"**Why are some female anime characters able to pull stuff out from behind their backs or their bags or anything? (It's creepy.)**


	5. wind tunnels and bottomless bags

Sorry I haven't updated in a while life's been hectic. I won't be posting for a while because I'll be staying with my aunt over vacation. Ironic all that time to post and write but I probably won't be able to. This might be up before I leave which is December 26th or afterwards in which case I'm wasting my own time.

Well anyways, welcome back to…..

ANIME QUESTIONS ANSWERED

I've decided to do something new. I'm going to tell you the question and answer as usual and in addition, after the answer I'll tell which law or question I'm referring to. Well story time!!!

I don't know if it's "calibunga" or "kalibunga" please enlighten me.

By the way I spelled, Jakotsu wrong in the last chapter and I thank Asatsuyuu Nikoru for pointing that out. Yay Asatsuyuu Nikoru!!

ANIME QUESTIONS ANSWERED

QUESTION: Why are some female anime characters able to pull stuff from behind their backs or a bag? (It's creepy.)

"…." Silence. InuYasha stopped walking. There was no 'osuwari-ing', demons, exploding or Kagome's and Shippo's spontaneous singin- "dududududu we're traveling! Traveling!" "Why?! It was quiet what did I do to deserve this!!?"

Kagome was very upset. "InuYasha…" InuYasha gulped. "You know I don't think you deserve 'it' however you're being mean so…." She pulled a mallet out of her big ole' bag and slammed in on to his head.

He began to whimper and shake. "Ohhhh I hit you too hard! I'm sorry!!" She pulled a band-aid out from within her bag. "Here you go!" Still snifling InuYasha put it on his "boo-boo." After that, they continued to walk, trying to find Naraku.

"I'm tired, and hungry, and cold. My feet hurt. Can we stop for the night? I wanna lollipop and dinner!! Gemme a hug!!" Shippo whined. InuYasha growled but knew that Kagome probably had a flamethrower or Fred the semi-automatic. "Ok we can stop." She pulled out a campfire, a boiling pot of soup, and some sleeping bags from of course, her bag.

Finally catching on to her ability InuYasha, surprisingly, got an idea. A mean, horrible idea. "Say Kagome…" he began.

"Yes?" she asked as bathing supplies appeared from within the recesses of her bag.

"Could you possibly….get something for me?"

"Sure what do you need?"

Smiling InuYasha began to talk rapidly, almost to the point of not being able to hear him. He said, "The jewel shards, something that will kill Naraku, a way to stop my human night, Kikyou living, a life time supply of ramen, the ability to sit you, a sealed well-" Kagome cut him off.

Ignoring everything that insulted her very being she went for what **she** thought was bad. "Ramen?! What's wrong with MY cooking?!!! You jerk!!" Pulling the mallet out of her bag again she began to chase him around the clearing.

"Why doesn't she sit him?"

"I'm not sure Sango." They both shrugged.

Suddenly Kagome stopped the chase, reached into her bag, and pulled out… hot instant (PORK!) ramen. Then she grabbed a pair of chopsticks, out of her bag obviously, and sat down.

"Oh I forgive you Kagome." InuYasha exclaimed.

Smiling evilly Kagome shook her head and took... a… bite. Her smile widened with every bite. InuYasha sat in a corner looking like a cold, wet puppy. Naraku then appeared to enjoy InuYasha's pain. Well he liked short skirts too. No lie; he actually isn't gay/bisexual. Well he might be bisexual he has an odd obsession with InuYasha and Miroku.

After twenty minutes, they all noticed him. "Naraku!" they all cried. Expect Sango she kept saying "Kohaku!"

"kukukukuku hahahaha hohohoho tehehehehehe I left him at home!"

"Kohaku!"

"Kohaku!" Everyone looked at her.

"Are you …alright?" asked Miroku.

"Kohaku!!"

"She'll be fine!!"

But she kept yelling. "Kohaku!!"

"She's a broken record!" yelled InuYasha. Kagome grabbed the duct tape, from her bag of course.

"Sh sh sh It's ok now." She patted InuYasha on the back soothingly. Then Kikyou appeared.

"Kikyou!!!" InuYasha yelled.

"What a freak," Sango said as she ripped off her duct tape. "KOHAKUUUU!!!"

"Kikyouuuuuuuuuu!!"

"Kohaku!!"

Kagome grabbed the duct tape again. But they were an unstoppable chorus of screaming. So Naraku attacked them in an attempt to get the plot moving. "Now you will be quiet!!"

Kagome sprang (more like skipped) into action. From the bag, she pulled out a… "Wind tunnel!!!"

"This is creepy" InuYasha, Sango and Miroku, agreed.

"Aaaahhhh You're messing up my hairrrrrr!!!" Naraku screamed. Then he was pulled into Kagome's wind tunnel never to be seen again.

"Yay!" yelled Shippo and Miroku.

"Kohaku!" "Kikyou!!" Yelled InuYasha and Sango.

"Oh shit!" cried Kagome.

"close your damned tunnel!!" they all yelled to her.

"I didn't think; I never do! I can't close or think!!" Th tunnel sucked up Kikyou and Kohaku.

"I'm coming!!!!" InuYasha and Sango yelled as they jumped into the tunnel. "Kikyooooooo!!!" "Kohakuuuuuu!!!"

"I don't wanna be alonnneeeee……." Miroku went in too. "Calibunga!"

Kagome decided to join "the party" too leaving a large hole and Shippo behind. He muttered about "damn women" and "their need to be prepared."

ANSWER: That's right Shippo! It's like when good old mom has her purse, 12 bags, a back pack and a (I hate this word) fanny pack. They want to be prepared –narrows eyes- too prepared.

REFERRING TO: Anime Law Number 37, Law of Extra dimensional

Capacitance All anime females have an extra dimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment's notice.

**First Corollary** (The Hammer Rule) - The most common item stored is a heavy mallet, which can be used with unerring accuracy on any male who deserves it. Other common items include costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.

-Sighs happily- Another chapter done! But I wish people cared enough to review. You'll have plenty of time because I'm not going to be on for a week. Happy holidays, take care and remember authors post faster when they get reviews. Just humor me on the last one ok?


	6. BL00Dii HE3LL SUPE3R SAiiYANSZ

Hehehe Hulk Hogan is the most random thing I've ever included in a story. I haven't updated in a LONG –emphasis on long- time. Now I am so now, I can get this monkey off my back.

–swats at monkey-

George! Get off my back!!

-monkey noises-

Ohhhh –nods in understanding- I forgot my stuffed animal is a **gorilla **not a monkey.

–laughs- Sorry George it's the history of head injuries.

-**Gorilla** noises and sympathetic nod of understanding-

That's right I can get this gorilla off my back! –huggles George- Well you guys didn't need to see that… -shifty eyes- Story time!

Anime Questions Answered

I wrote this chapter based on writing styles as opposed to questions. Sorry if you like crossovers but I personally dislike them.

I DO NOT own InuYasha, Hamtaro, Sailor Moon, Dragon Ball (or DBZ), Harry Potter, Star Wars or any other show I throw or mention in to this chapter.

The numbers are footnotes in case you don't speak fluent Retardian.

Sorry if you like any of this shows because they are going to endure abuse.

**QUESTION**: What's up with those freaking crossovers?

The group was resting in Kaede's village for once. It was nice and peaceful and the sky was blu-

"-BUT I WANNA GO HOME!" Kagome yelled at InuYasha.

"No! I'm going to seal the well after I become a full demon and keep you as an entertainment slave…. Like that Jappa guy!"

Pouting at the words 'no' and '!', Kagome ignored the rest of his speech.

"Too bad nah nah nah nah! Osuwari!!"

She stormed off and jumped down the well.

"Ok Sailor moon, Sailor moon, Sailor moon, other Sailor moon, Sailor moon, Sailor moon, Sailor moon, another Sailor moon, Sailor moon, stupid talking in-heat cats and the outcast Hulk Hogan who follows us around; let's go!"

"Yeah! Woooo!! Girl Powa!!!" Hulk Hogan tries to fit in a lot. I think he's lonely.

Kagome was walking down the street to buy some ramen or something else that the author never actually explains when she ran into the girl things, the cats and Hulk Hogan.

'0MG ii LYKE3 L0VE3 Y0U'RE3 SKiiRT!!!!!(1)" yelled the giggling Moonies (their nick name.) Switching to their native language, Retardian, Kagome replied.

"0MG Yo0ursz ARE3 LYKE3 AWE3SO0ME3 T00!!!" Yes, identical short skirts are indeed 'AWE3SO0ME3.'

After knowing each other for about five seconds, they began to share secrets. Said secrets are of course deep, dark, and unknown by anyone else.

"We're lyke3 the Sailor Moons. You know 'Saves modern Japan from evil invading people Sailor Moon #1 knew in a past life?' And uhh Hulk Hogan follows us around."

"I want to belong!" s/he yelled.

"Lyke3 wow, I –flips hair- jump down a well! It like takes me to 500 years ago so I can complete a jewel I broke!!"

The sailors nearly fainted. "0MG!! You broke a JEWEL?!!! That's horrible! Jewelry is important to society!!"

Kagome smiled. "Now it's like a million pieces that look like diamonds only prettifuller!!"

They glomped her. "We forgive you!"

"Yeah," said Sailor Hulk Hogan.

"You lyke3 don't belong here, leave."

"Whyyyy? Wah sniffle sniffle sob."

So they all skipped to the well (even Hulk) for some other reason unspecified and jumped in. Even though Kagome and InuYasha are the only ones able to use the well they were some how able to get through. (Ahhhhh X-overs.)

InuYasha was still mad (unlike Kagome who has a short attention span) so he decided to take it out on rare species and destroy the forest. On the way, he ran into human-sized "ham-hams."

"AHHHHHH I MUST BE ON DRUGS AGAIN," he yelled. That didn't make any sense though; Kagome hadn't slipped muscle relaxants into his food since last week. But seriously human-sized hamsters… that's worth at least two lines and one joint.

"Hamha," cried the hamsters.

"Aaaahhhhh," screamed InuYasha as he ran like a little girl all the way to the well with the hamsters following.

Kagome and the Sailors hopped out of the well.

InuYasha and the hamsters were still running.

Kagome and the Sailors began to walk towards the village….and

BANG! InuYasha and Kagome slammed into each other and the Sailors "OMG"ed over the ca-ute hamsters. Then the Tokyo Mew-Mew characters fell out of the sky (to help the dying plot along) and tried to kill the hamsters.

"Haha Mint push the bijou thing over here," laughed Pudding. Hulk Hogan suddenly dressed as a cat girl pushed over Hamtaro. Poor boy; he still wanted to belong.

"Wanna-be nerd poser!" yelled the Mew-Mews and Sailors.

"So alonnnneeeee," he cried.

The plot began to move rapidly!

"No moreeee," whispered the hamsters creepily. Their eyes flashed red as they shrunk down to a normal size for furry rodents.

"HOLD LYKE3 ME!!" The Sailors jumped on InuYasha.

"If we die here –even though we don't know who the hell you are- we love you! Because that's why X-overs happen; to bring together incompatible characters in a crappy blend of the plot lines!!"

InuYasha fainted from fear of both the Sailors and the hamsters, who were chanting in Latin.

The hamsters were floating in the air on their backs in a slow circle. They chanted slowly, " howtta changea youre sexa."

Hulk Hogan tried to imitate the chants as best as he could. "howto..uhh… changeat? Youreas…. Sexasd…??"

"Doesn't belonggg," whispered the hamsters.

"Wahhhh I don't belong ANYWHERE!"

"Duhhh," the hamsters replied quietly.

InuYasha and Hulk cried.

"T-th-they scare me….." InuYasha cried into Kagome's arm.

"It'll be ok; here's a tissue." She pulled a tissue from her bag and handed it to him.

He blew his nose loudly and handed it back to Kagome. "Thanks."

Her eyes twitched. "No problem."

The Hulk Hogan got an idea; an awful, terrible idea. He would belong.

"tissuatta inuetta eniuda ninjajesusrox…" The hamsters chanted on.

"Sailor Hulk Hogan, It's kitty time! Uetta Situnca ham-ha!!"

"Stop trying to belong," yelled the Mew-Mews, Moons, InuYasha and Kagome. The Hamsters whispered it.

Hulk Hogan's transformation began. He spun around in circles with his name –in letters and kanji- orbiting him. Then his clothes disappeared and he spun faster.

"Oh my god! My Eyes!!" Hulk in his birthday suit set off the hamsters. They violated law #45 (Uninteruptable Metamorphosis.)****

He was shocked. Hulk had one limp cat ear, hamster fur (which went unnoticed as it blended in with his chest hair) and a shorter than usual school girl skirt. So short his butt showed. InuYasha began to puke –giggles at funny word.-

"Destroyyy offensiveee siggghhhtt." The hamsters POWERED UP! They were really Super Saiyan Ham-Ham Satanists!

"Power up," The Hamsters finally yelled.

"Bloody hell," said Ron.

"What's the tomfoolery about you Ron?" asked Harry.

"The bloody hamsters bloody did something other than bloody whisper!" Ron replied in a British-y way.

"BANGERS AND MASH!!!!" shouted Voldemort as he danced through the clearing randomly using Avada Kedavra to kill endangered species.

"Ace! Abso-bloody-lutely airy-fairy, you ankle-biter," said Dumbledore.

"I adam-and-eve that!!" replied Hermione.

"0MG!!!11one"

"Oh my!"

"-hurl-His -upchuck- flabby –puke- fat –vomit- ass –barf-!!!"

The hamsters created a giant ball of energy.

With a "HAAAAA" They hurtled it towards Hulk Hogan.

"WILL BELONGGGGG." Hulk Hogan attacked with a cry of "Sailor Hulk Hogan ha!"

Then the 'Will Belong' attack collided with the 'haaaaa' ball of energy.

BAM!!

"I belong," yelled Sailor kitty Satantist Hulk Hogan.

No one had the heart to tell him he never would. They were disintegrated anyways.

ANSWER: To bring together incompatible characters in ways that 'must' make them fall in love. It is also to unite plots and when that falls apart they bring in more and more plots until Hulk Hogan goes insane. Remember boys and girls two or more plots can almost NEVER be brought together and still be worth R & Ring.

Author's Notes:

FOOT NOTES-

Refers to lord in possessive way I enjoy the appearance of your tube or cone shaped garment, which hangs from your waist. (Oh my god, I love your skirt!)

Refers to lord in possessive way I enjoy the appearance of your tube or cone shaped garment also! (Oh, my god yours are awesome too!)

I don't care for Sailor moon. The English adaptation destroys any quality it _might _have had and messes with the plot. Hamtaro also scares me; it's just creepy. Dragon Ball Z seems pointless and Star Wars made me laugh at the stupidity. Harry Potter is ok but British slang is a little weird to me because I'm so American. However, if you like those shows good for you!

InuYasha cries a lot in this fanfic because he cried in an episode and I will never let him go past it. –grins evilly as the "cry" episode plays in a room where InuYasha is held captive-

And I forgot this part in earlier chapters hehehehehe…..sorry guys…

**Marina5643**- I don't know if I can do _that _particular question. Besides, I tell Kim to sit all the time.

**ArgentPrincess**- I have no idea how I should respond to this so I'll just say thanks!

**Moto Moon**- I like ice cream too! Yeah and you're right about the town.

**Asatsuyuu nikoru**- I have always seen Jakotsu spelled Jankotsu so yeah…. hands cookie Don't talk about it!

**Angstlover**- You like yaoi far too much and just like moto moon you are right about the town name.

**Kannalover**- All those reviews made my day! That story idea we were talking about will be up someday I'll be sure to pm you.

**Nekoluver**- Who says the lights are gone?? Hehehehe they might come back…soon. Bag of DOOM yeah that's a good name for it. Your existence is to serve me! WHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I've never seen FMA I'll have to watch some time I've heard it's good.

Sorry I didn't do this before and thanks for the reviews.

**Next Chapter's Question: Why did modern-agd anime girls wear too-short school girl skirts?**

……That's pretty much it.

Until next time my dears…. until next time. –Runs off after butterflies-


	7. I like short skirts and I cannot lie

Qué pasa mis amigos extraňo! Bienvenida a

Anime Questions Answered

If any of you know what that means I'll give you a mentioning in the next chapter. Stephanie you can't guess it, you're already in Spanish!

Oh geez I haven't updated this is almost three weeks; lo Siento!

Let's get this story started shall we?

**QUESTION**:Why did modern-aged anime girls wear too-short schoolgirl skirts?

It was a beautiful spring day and curious, little Shippo had a question. Kagome knew that stuff; he'd ask her!

Shippo jumped on to Kagome's shoulder and looked her in the eye.

"Hey Kagome," he began, "Why do you wea-"

Sesshomaru ran into the clearing waving his arms around frantically and screaming.

"Eeeek! It's a spider get it off me! Oh my-

He stopped short.

"Damn shortayyyy you lookin' fine!" He grinned cockily and then remembering the spider ran out of the clearing screaming.

"That was different…" said Kagome. "Anyways what were you saying Shippo?"

"I was wondering why you wear-

InuYasha cut Shippo off as he ran towards them screaming. (Screaming is a family trait I guess…) He was covered in poorly done make up and had two pigtails high on his head. Kagome and Shippo covered their mouths as they giggled.

"Kagome, if you see Jakotsu tell him you sat me into the center of the Earth agai- Hey mami youz got the body of a goddess!"

Then he heard Jakotsu's threats in the distance (of taking his 'puppy' ears and such) and like Sesshomaru before him, he ran off screaming.

Knowing he had one second tops Shippo repeated his question. "Why do you we-

Jakotsu sprinted in yelling more threats and drowning out Shippo.

"Where is my puppy?! I am not done dressing him for our wedding! Where is he?! Pup- He stared open-mouthed at Kagome.

"I'm gay but babi gurl you'z suga in muh mouf!!!" Remembering his own gayness once more he ran off with a threat.

"If you tell Bankotsu I'm with my puppy you won't like the results… THEY WON'T STOP ME THIS TIME!"

Shippo tried again. "Why do you wear-

Naraku on a cloud of his toxically evil miasma flew in, naturally interrupting Shippo.

"Kukukukukukuku Now I will use you to find the jewel sh- Like everyone else he stopped short.

"Oh I'd hit that, I'd hit that, oh **damn **I'd hit that!!" A grossed out Kagome and Shippo watched Naraku fly in the direction the other men had taken. He was probably going to poke InuYasha.

Taking a deep breath Shippo hoped for the best. "Why do you wear-

And like all the other times he was cut off.

Bankotsu scurried into the clearing terrified but still pissed off.

"Where's Jakotsu? I know he chased InuYasha her- damnnnnnnnn you're the real reason for global warming!" Kagome shocked and blushing (at the naughty word) said, "Global warming doesn't even exist yet!"

He narrowed his eyes. "I know many things…..and don't tell the fangirls I was here!"

Shippo sat quietly waiting for the rapid fangirls to interrupt him. There was silence. Happily he started his question once more.

"Why do you wear a –

"BANNY-KUN WHERE ARE YOU?!!" Millions upon millions of fangirls burst into the clearing.

"My God," whispered Kagome, "They're everywhere."

All of the fangirls looked around as they continued to shout.

"Where's my Bankotsu?"

"Banny the priest is waiting!"

"Come back here!" They turned their rapid, obsessive stare on Kagome.

"OMG! You're sooooo pretty no wonder he's avoiding us! He's seen YOU!"

"Ugly slut," the others coughed, showing their true opinion.

"Actually he hates me." The fangirls smiled simultaneously, earning a shiver from Shippo. So her "secret weapon" wasn't all powerful like their love!

"YAY! Don't tell the Band of Seven we were here. They try to kill us," said one as she frowned at the remembrance, "But we always come back…always." They left with the stealth of the ninja. (XD)

"Kagomewhydoyouweara- Shippo said quickly, hoping to finish. No such luck as the two remaining members of the Band of Seven appeared.

"You stupid fangirls will die…" Suikotsu gasped for breath.

"Damn the run fast." Renkotsu and Suikotsu sat on the ground.

"The fangirls are chasing Bankotsu, who's probably following Jakotsu and he's definitely chasing InuYasha or raping him… I'm not sure which on-

In unision they "smoothly" growled out, " –whistles, cat calls- If you leg Valentine's day and da other one White Day I'ma meet you between holidays!!"

Kagome shook with fury. A bit scared but still "proud" of themselves the two men ran off high-fiving.

After yelling Osuwari loudly (poor InuYasha where ever he was) she managed to calm down. It's her own little stress buster!

Shippo came out of the tree and put away the protection gun. Hesitantly walking towards Kagome –after all she might still be homicidal- he tried to finish his question.

"Kagome why do you wear a sh-

Sesshomaru ran in. InuYasha ran in. Jakotsu, Bankotsu, the fangirls, Naraku, Suikotsu, Renkotsu ran in. All were screaming.

"NO JAKOTSU! NO MORE MAKE UP!"

"My little puppy!"

"JAKOTSU AS YOUR LEADER I COMMAND YOU TO STOP!!"

"EEEEEEK A SPIDER!"

"-hysterical fangirl screams- BANNY-KUN!"

"DIE YOU EVIL FAN GIRLS FROM HELL!"

"Kukukukukuku Ahh I love the smell of pain!"

"umm excuse me I'm trying to ask Kagome a que-

Kagome continues to sit where she had been throughout the chapter, as though nothing was happening.

"Ahhh now a fly is in my hair!!!"

"-guys?-

"PUPPY-CHAN SOON WE WILL BE WED!"

"THE SPIDER MADE A WE IN MY BEAUTIFUL, SILVERY LOCKS!"

"**Shut up!**"

The now quiet idiots cowered in fear of Shippo's evil powers. The crack of a whip sounds through the clearing.

Shippo was humming when he finally remembered something important.

"Oh, Kagome, I never got a chance to ask you…" He looked around, waiting for an interruption and after hearing, none continued talking.

"So-uh- Why do you wear too-short school girl skirts?" Kagome smiled at Shippo's naivety.

"Think back Shippo. What has everyone but you and the fangirls said and/or done to me today?" Shippo pondered the question.

"Immorally degraded you?"

"No."

"Driven you to the brink of insanity?"

"Yes but that's not the answer."

"Said unfavorable, tactless insults about your physical appearance using rough, inferior language?"

"Stop reading the dictionary!"

"Ok," he whined, "Now tell me!"

Kagome smiled again. "I wear short skirts because the shorter the skirt the more men notice you! How else do woman get into relationships? Brains and personality are like so for primates! Aren't you glad you took all that time and energy to ask me that question!? I hope you like the answer that exposed life's harshness and superficiality!!"

"…..Why do I even travel with you?"

ANSWER: Like in real life, it makes men notice you and women pretend to like you while hating your guts to death. I also think it maybe some kind of weapon that becomes more powerful, the less material is used. On the other hand, maybe six inches of material is the easiest to travel and fight in while in cold windy places, with perverts.

REVIWERS:

**Asatsuyuu Nikoru:** I don't think you're THAT lazy and from seeing pictures you don't seem fat either. Just a little lazy –smiles.-

Author's Notes:

Sorry about the men's grammar- guys do that to "get" a girl. And the Valentine's Day and White Day thing is my version of a funny pickup line. It was actually used on me once…

Wow nobody died…wow I deserve the Nobel Peace Prize! –Snatches it from Muhammad Yunus- MINE!

**Next chapter's question is; (kinda weird) **

**Why it is bad stuff always happens when anime characters are naked?**

Oh yeah last chapter the "Jabba" thing was on purpose. InuYasha can't remember crap.

Well this wasn't one of my favorite chapters but, hey, we all have our strong chapters and weak ones.

Review Please!

-glances around-

Ummm that's it pretty much. –Runs away after some strangers with candy-


	8. Body odor isn't attractive Sango!

Hello again –smiles brightly- Welcome back to

Anime Questions Answered

I've been forgetting this…

**I own only what my sick mind comes up with.**

**The characters refuse to call me "mommy" or "beloved creator."**

**So I guess they aren't mine….yet.**

Well this is an interesting chapter to say the least. And before you ask no I don't think I was on drugs or using alcohol at the time. I would know because I wrote it in math class. My school is not very open about drugs for some reason.

QUESTION: Why is it bad things always happen when anime characters are nekked? (Naked)

Kagome was dirty. She had walked through mud for hours, gotten covered in smelly demon blood, a cat had sprayed on her, and she was incredibly sweaty and had mud stains on her overly long socks. It was obvious to InuYasha that she didn't need a bath.

"Please I need to bathe," she sobbed out of pure frustration. Everyone else just cried from the smell.

"No you'll just use it as an excuse to go home for three weeks!" Kagome then started a war. It was long, grotesque and eventually made into a low budget movie.

"Nu-uh."

"Yea-uh."

"Nu-uh."

"Yea-uh."

"Nu-uh."

"Yea-uh…"

"Pass the popcorn." Not taking his eyes off the action Miroku handed Shippo the popcorn.

"Hey Sango can I have the milk duds?" Sango gave Miroku the milky goodness in sugar form. The drama just would not stop!

"Nu-uh."

"Yea-uh."

"You know what InuYasha…" The audience gasped as they prepared for the climatic ending. All were tense as they watched.

"OSUWARI!" Sango, Miroku and Shippo jumped to their feet, applauding wildly.

"Amazing acting!"

"That was incredible!"

"Yeahh!! –whistles-"

Kagome bowed, said Osuwari as an encore and ran off to the springs. Her screams of joy at being able to cleanse echoed through the forest.

She sat in the water happy as a perky, unrealistically proportioned clam. While she was thinking about something totally unrelated Naraku and his minions, the band of seven, random demons and Sesshomaru surrounded her.

"Eeeek. Get out of here!" Kagome yelled at all the people that would _love _and would kill her in an instant.

"Nope I like killing…Especially naked women." Jakotsu gagged at the statement.

"Naraku you are disgusting! Oh uhh." His gag reflex tried to kick in. Poor Jakotsu has a weak stomach.

"This Sesshomaru does not agree with your stupidity."

"RAWRGHHHHH," said InuYasha's go-fish playing partner. Everyone else bickered over who was evilest and if women **were** good looking.

"You know Kagome has left…." Kanna creepily trailed off. The men/ Jakotsu shuddered.

Kagome skipped back to camp putting on her clothes as she went. Out of breath she said, "No n-no more baths…" Her sock was on her arm a shoe on her ear and her skirt was a hat. And her shirt was rumpled and was less than "school girl perky."

Sango had already gone off to take a separate bath; she'd decided she needed one too.

"I give her five minutes."

"I say it's seven."

Six minutes later Sango was running back to the camp. She had managed to get her clothes on right.

"Jakotsu threw up on me!"

Completely forgetting her pledge of horrible hygiene Kagome replied with, "Let's take a bath!" Sango glared at her.

With some mysterious power she possessed which the author never describes Sango made sure almost every spring in Japan was destroyed.

Unfortunately, everyone began to smell …funky. In a non-sixties, funky tie-dye, psychedelic drug free way.

Especially Sango; hitting Miroku made her sweat, in fact Miroku in general made her sweat… from anger…pervs. After a week or so, everyone began to avoid her. B.O just isn't attractive.

Sango so wished she had just left the springs alone. Even if evil people/demons hung around them like druggies at town market. (That's in my town XD) A bath near killers is better than no friends because of a sad lack of hygiene.

It got to the point where people in China moved away from the coast. Then while searching for her friends, who had disappeared again, she found something amazing.

There it was- a spring. Sango ran slow-mo across a field of dying (from her smell) flowers, arms reaching towards the spring. The spring sat there in a seductive watery way as the romantic, run-across-a-field-of-flowers music played. However she didn't notice the "bad guys" because she was busy crying and stripping herself of her rotting clothing.

"Wench your scent offends this Sesshomaru."

"YOUR nudity offends this Jakotsu," screamed Jakotsu before he threw up. Sango grew angry, very, really, incredibly angry. As stated earlier being angry makes her hot and sweaty.

Naturally, nothing good comes from a woman's anger. Demons and those near her died first. They convulsed as they foamed at the mouth, lost hair, their skin blistering and threw up reacting to Sango as if she was a radioactive substance. Stink does do that when multiplied by the speed of moronic squared. I'm sure she was a lot worse though.

Then heroically Jakotsu called upon his last bit of strength.

"Naked women cause trouble," he gasped out, "It's like a universal law or something." His sword, Jakotsuto sliced through Sango thus ending her stinky reign. (She fell into the spring and ultimately drowned.)

He smiled, as he knew he had done society a favor. Then he put on some lipstick so he would look good for who ever found his rotting corpse and THEN he died.

Still children are power smelling an awful stench. The next 500 hundred years became known as "ZOMG! WTF IS THAT SMELL! OMG WTF BBQ!"

Then Kagome was born and the people named it the "Hey look a girl riding on a boy with furry ears' back, how normal!" era.

And adults were crazy from being within 1,000 miles of it. Through the power of smelling bad Sango caused the beginning of an entire society's collapse.

ANSWER: It's a law of both the anime and real world. Besides are things ever good when you smell horrible, are surrounded by bloody thirsty men, people are avoiding you AND you're naked? Not usually.

NEXT CHAPTER'S QUESTION: Why is it that there is always an old guy who shows up conveniently and knows everything about ALL demons? (Even if they were just created.)

THE AUTHOR'S NOTES:

Thank you to **Asatsuyuu Nikoru**: The only person who reviews anymore. You all should follow her perfect, amazing example! (Well you can I don't really care.) No deary you are definitely not fat. You have only one chin!

Wow the ending of this chapter could have been for a tragedy... If I hadn't added the lipstick part.

I am trying to update more quickly. This chapter was somewhat short so it was easy. … At least it was this time. So yeah cool it only took me five days to find the time to post this; sweeetttt.

Love to you all until next time! Review on your way out the virtual door.

-TheMysteriousAuthoress

P.S I am also on Fiction Press as "C like Cookie" and I am writing a story that will be up there eventually. -TMA


	9. What are the bunnies doing to each other

Well you're here; I'm here so it's time to say; Hello and welcome back to

Anime Questions Answered

For all you unintelligent people I call the rabbits several things such as rabbit demons, the rabbits and fluffy bunnies!

For you people that love random excuses to flame; I am not racist, I don't believe killing kitties is right and if there is a spelling error, I'm sorry! And yes I find cats in heat incredibly funny. Unless they spray in my closet like someone I know! –Looks pointedly at my cat that just started purring.-

Now it's story time!

QUESTION: Why is it that there is always an old man that shows up at convenient times and knows everything about ALL demons? (Even if they were just created.)

"Wind Scar," InuYasha yelled as Sango fought with her hiraikotsu and Kagome used her sacred arrows. Miroku cowered against a tree afraid to attack because of the creepy looks Kagura gave him. Talk about a sexual harassment case waiting to be filed.

Myouga was jumping up and down on Shippo's shoulder as they both cheered loudly. Naturally, they were playing it safe, on the sidelines.

"I'm too small to fight," said Shippo indignantly.

"And I'm just a flea!"

Playing it safe was a good idea; the rabid squirrel demons were merciless.

"Squeak scar!" They threw acorns with squirrely might.

"Ow! Ow! Myouga what's their damned –ow god damn it- weakness?!" Myouga thought for a moment.

"Well Master InuYasha they were created only five seconds ago, they like acorns, the color blue, long walks on the beach and they hate rabbits however there's a small problem with rabbi-

InuYasha had already run off in search of fuzzy little bunny –I mean rabbit- demons. The rest continued to fight, tremble or avoid the battle with excuses.

A half an hour later ground was quickly being lost. Miroku had once again gotten captured by Kagura and was begging for mercy. Kagome and Sango were battered and bruised from the squirrels' attacks. Which of the two groups were worse off? No one dared to ask.

"InuYasha hurry up with those gosh darned rabbits," yelled Kagome. At that moment, InuYasha heroically ran in with two limp rabbits held by their necks.

"I've got them right here," he said happily, as he shook the lifeless rabbits for effect.

"Y-yo-you br-br-broke t-th-their necks!!!"

"Don't worry Kagome this are for dinner the other rabbit demons followed me!" Millions of fluffy bunnies hopped forward. (They had been following their dead relatives' carcasses as part of an ancient bunny tradition.)

"My GOD," whispered Kagome, "They're everywhere…"

The bunnies hopped towards the squirrels and the squirrels scampered forward meeting them half way. The battle was vicious.

Kagome and Shippo covered their eyes blocking out the horrible sight. Then they peeked out. They squeaked and covered each other's eyes.

Sango was turning green and Miroku's screams intensified.

"Slappy hands," the fluffy bunnies called out their attack.

"Oh my god! I'm gonna be sick!" InuYasha ran for the bushes.

"Myouga how do we get rid of them," asked Kagome, "I think that they're….multiplying."

Shippo's eyes widened and his mouth hung agape.

"K-Ka-Kagome what are they do-doing?!" He pointed to two "preoccupied" bunnies that seemed busy –coughs politely- "making" more rabbits.

"They are doing bad things Shippo. Things we will NEVER speak of again. Got it?"

Sniffling he nodded. "O-ok."

Myouga cleared his throat.

"Well I cannot say I personally have seen or even heard of this type of demon before but I know they secretly love waffles with ice cream, are slightly racist, they hate cats and-

"Thanks!" Kagome ran off in search of cats.

A few minutes later, she returned with black cats, white cats, Asian cats and Hispanic cats. The cats and squirrels fought and in the rabbits' case tried to 'multiply.'

"YEOOOOO HISS MEOW HISSES MANG YOOO HISS." The cats arched their backs in displeasure. All attacking ceased.

"Oh no! They're in heat!"

"What's 'heat?'" Shippo hesitantly asked.

"We don't speak of these matters!" Shippo whimpered and began to rock back and forth muttering to himself.

Every one of the cats began to scratch things and make ungodly (unkimly) noises.

"Myouga," questioned Sango letting the situation say the rest.

"Well I guess they hate dogs…" Sango adjusted her hiraikotsu on her back and ran out of the clearing.

The cats continued to be in heat, the rabbits kept multiplying and the squirrels attacked everything they could see.

Sango returned an hour later dragging a large crate behind her.

"What took you," InuYasha yelled in his usual pissed off manner.

"You try catching a dog demon." InuYasha's customary frown deepened.

"You're right! Dogs are smelly, uncooperative, tactless, ignorant, incompetent jerks!" When he finished his ramble Sango released the smelly, uncooperative, tactless, ignorant, incompetent, dog demon.

"O to the M to the G it's Sesshomaru!" InuYasha proceeded by fainting dramatically with his hand across his brow in a manly way he later claimed.

"This Sesshomaru dislikes kitties and wishes to hurt them in terrible ways…." Everyone sighed as they watched his torture methods.

"Sesshomaru shooting them out of a cannon and alternatively taking their innocence won't help." Sesshomaru's bottom lip quivered.

"B-but this Sesshomaru wishes to hurt THE KITTIES!" Like a toddler having a temper tantrum, he began to attack and destroy everything in reach.

"Kagome what does taking their innocence mean and why does it involve the kitties' virginal tears falling? I'm kind of scared n-now." Kagome slapped him.

"Get a hold of yourself man! We don't speak of this!" Shippo started in on his mumbling and rocking back and forth again.

Sesshomaru stopped his destruction for a moment to look at Kagome. He rolled his eyes and said in a singsong voice, "Aggression issues." Then he returned to said destruction of anything in reach.

Myouga looked upon the assembly of idiots, shaking his head. Shippo mumbling, Kagome in a rage aggression issues, Sango fighting, InuYasha still in a manly faint and Miroku sobbing as Kagura was very "straightforward" about her feelings for him.

"I'll take care of this! If there's no oxygen the dog demon will die thus ending the battle!"

He failed to take into consideration that InuYasha's part dog demon or that nothing can live without oxygen. At least he was thoughtful.

He bounced up into the sky moving higher and higher with each movement. Then he took a loud, long breath drawing in almost all the oxygen the earth held.

"Kagome what's he d-doing? I'm scared," whimpered Shippo.

Kagome drew in a deep breath before yelling out, "GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF AND STOP ASKING QUESTIONS!"

That's all it took. Void of all oxygen Earth's gravity disappeared roll with me here it's a fictional story.

With a tiny splat and hiss Earth hit the sun and dissolved. In outer space, you can still hear Kagome's screams of exasperation and poor Shippo's mumbling.

And Myouga destroyed all life even though he was just trying to help solve everyone's problems.

ANSWER: Infinite knowledge comes with age but the haze of being wrinkly and having  
Old People Smell Syndrome OPSS often causes bad judgment. A need to be loved and appreciated is also linked to their sometimes-impaired judgment. Remember old people STAY ABOVE THE INFLUENCE! Of OPSS

BASED ON LAW; #55- Law of the Wise Old Man- Little old Japanese men always know how it ends and withhold the ending from everyone, especially the hero. This includes special power weapons, ancient relics, and people who know everything.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Well this chapter is all typed up!

Please don't complain about me using "Wind Scar" instead of "Kaze no Kizu." I like the occasional Japanese word but some stories are impossible to understand without scrolling up to where they put the translations!

I have reused a quote from a previous chapter. See if you can find it. Here's a hint; Kagome says it and she first says it in chapter seven. The best of luck dearies…

Now I have some actually interesting news that isn't related to reviewing. I'm taking a **poll on an upcoming chapter**. I'll reveal the poll's subject the chapter before. If you would like to know about it now/soon leave a review and I will message you back. Then there will be two weeks and 3 days to decide which one you want… –giggles-

–Waves goodbye-

Later, loves!

-TheMysteriousAuthoress


	10. bubbles sparkles and stalker love

Hey guys. I'm getting so much love that I decided to post again two days after the last chapter.

This question could apply to real life if everyone had background bubbles and sparkles and could make the "shiny" noise. Alas we are weak mortals and do not have the power of large, shiny eyes nor the benefits of being anime characters. My tears they fall.

I must be emotional because FavouriteKitten's review also brought tears to my eyes. Love, she gives me the love I love to have loving me! You people should follow her, serenityrain2233's and Asatsuyuu Nikoru's example. But seriously FavouriteKitten thanks for the review I was getting somewhat discouraged. This chapter's for you! I hope it's up to par.

Serenityrain2233: I'm glad you like this stuff; I love writing it. You're the other reason I decided to post so quickly.

Angstlover: What I'm not good enough to log in for? Humph! I don't care but thanks for reviewing God/Kim.

Asatsuyuu Nikoru: You review so often I have your penname memorized. What an accomplishment! I'll send you a message with the poll's contents in it. I'm saying what it is next chapter anyways. Thanks for reviewing my dear, dear faithful reviewer.

Well…I've got nothing else to say right now except story time.

QUESTION: What's up with the sparkly backgrounds and shiny eyes?

Ayame whistled cheerfully. She had finally managed to marry/mate Kouga. And even though it had taken three barrels of sake they were pretty happy. Well Ayame was.

Kouga still went to visit Kagome often but Ayame had taken care of her. Fertility drugs slipped into her food and aphrodisiacs in InuYasha's. She hoped they enjoyed the children.

Kouga was in some kind of sick nightmare.

"Kagome be my mate!" Kagome smiled and shrugged.

"I would but…" Suddenly InuYasha ran in- all twelve of them.

"Uhh I have a family!" The InuYasha's both senior and juniors smirked.

"Yeah you mangy wolf!"

The Kagomes gasped and clenched their fists as cross veins popped up on their faces. Then they said _it_.

"Inuyashas…." The InuYashas stiffened and horror flashed across their faces.

"Sit boys!" Kouga became to cry. It was reality and a nightmare. He had woken up one day with a headache married to Ayame and Kagome had twenty-six children with "InuTrasha."

Ayame snuck into Kouga's den. She liked to watch him sleep especially since he got a separate cave and refused to share it with her at night or for "special occasions." As she watched her husband sob over another woman, her background became pink, full of stalker love, and covered in bubbles and sparkles. Her eyes shined and the "shining" noise was heard.  
(The Shining... hehe… Ayame used red rum...hehe)

"Oh honey." Kouga resisted the urge to shudder. 'Yo, ro_ll with it man!_' a random voice/ his inner conscience said.

Attempting to "yo, roll with it" his background became dark, evil and all around malicious looking.

"Crap wrong background!" He scrunched his face up and forced it into a goldenness-pink. But, remembering Kagome he couldn't bare to add bubbles or sparkles.

"Hello Ayame…. My d-dear." If possible, her background grew sparklier, bubblier, pinker and her eyes shined with the stalking-obsessive love she felt. Kouga's eyes began to water at the intensity.

"Uhhh let's go on a trip," he tried, desperate to escape the burning sparkles.

But the sparkles grew sparklier and her pink background grew pinker. The bubbles grew in size and increased in bubbliness.

"Wheeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrreeeee," Ayame asked batting her lashes surrounding her wide, _shining_, BURNING WITH BURNINGNESS eyes. A sizzling noise like butter in a frying pan began quietly.

Ayame smiled as she heard the sizzle, her fangs adding to the glistening brightness that cause Kouga so much pain.

"Are you cooking something for me?! Oh, Kouga!" The background, its contents and her eyes multiplied in their pinkness, sparkles and bubbles. She giggled and batted her eyes lashes faster. And the sizzling grew louder with two loud pops.

"You should get what you're cooking, babe," she breathed to him. Kouga said nothing.

"Kouga? Kougaaa? Oh you're speechless at the depth of your love for me!" And once more everything grew pinker, sparklier, bubblier and brighter. So much brighter. The hissing and sizzling noises sounded like fluffy-kins' hisses when little Billy dropped him in the toilet and flushed.

Ayame sighed and thought of their "perfect life together." Their future happy family with good-looking well-behaved children (after Kouga let her in his cave they would start on them,) their relaxed and prosperous life together, the white picket fenced house and the second honeymoon. She eventually stopped daydreaming and looked deep into Kouga's eyes. All of the sparkles, bubbles, pink, yadda loving yadda happiness yadda and shiny focused on him.

With several louder pops! His eyes fell out of his head, exploding when they hit the ground.

"OH MY GOD! That's not funny Kougy-babe!" Kouga's body began to shake and make beeping noises.

"Can't deal with commitment. We need to talk. I only want to be friends. It's me not you. You're more like a sister to me. I need space. You looked way better on myspace. We should see other people. Kouga unit overload overload overload," he said in a robotic way.

"Kouga I thought you loved me!" BOOM.

Ayame had forgotten. Male wolf demons, actually men in general, are overly sensitive to sparkles, loved and commitment. So their systems overload and blow up. Any man that doesn't blow up is married or gay.

ANSWER: It symbolizes love, female's happiness, commitment and in Kouga's case "just rolling with it." Women are the ones to use it most often and men often run from it. Poor guys.

**Next question: Why do anime characters wear the same clothes day in and day out? **

This is going on hiatus while I type a novel for fiction press and a few stories for here. So see you guys in a month or two!

Lurves j00 l0lz l8r guysz 1'll Miiss j00 all!! I felt the need to do that.

-TMA


	11. Unknown yellow Substance

Welcome back at last! My hiatus is over and I got so much work done. I have a couple of chapters for this uploaded and I started began to edit my old mistake-filled chapters. I will probably repost them after I finish typing every chapter I have. Please look at it when I do.

This is great; I didn't completely waste my vacation on sleeping and being a delinquent! Though I did my fair share of both...

Asatsuyuu Nikoru: I guess I have to try harder on making you laugh but I understand; I can think something's funny but not laugh out loud. When I say "LOL" it's a lie! Actually I only laugh when I make other people laugh. I'm weird...

Dark Evanescence Immortal: Look I updated right after I officially ended my hiatus. That's updating soon in my book. And sorry for the wait!

serenityrain2233: Kouga and InuYasha always fight but so do Shippo and InuYasha. Sometimes I think Shippo might have a crush on Kagome and that's why he and InuYasha REALLY fight. It's just a thought though...

the water and earth alchemist: I'm going to faint! You finally posted something AND you reviewed my story. What a day!

Now let's get this story started! –Opens the confetti thing and blows a horn-

-In a dry voice- Wooooo

Anime Questions Answered

**QUESTION**: Why do anime characters wear the same thing day in and day out?

Naraku –thunder-'s latest castle was a dark, evil place like always. So evil that every time you say the main bad person's name, in this case Naraku thund -thunder booms- -er booms. The Fix-up Evil Error guys were still working out the evil system's kinks. But as stated it was the stereotypical evil place. Dead bodies decomposing, skeletons, screaming, Evil Laughter Syndrome and pissed off slave-minions. The minions prove how evil and disgusting Naraku –thunder- really is. He has to force other beings to stay with him.

"Kagura! Kanna! Come in here," Naraku –thunder- shouted. Kanna (Children-of-the-corn like) walked in silently. Kagura slammed open the door with a snort and stormed in.

Why did he always bother her when she was in her Sesshy shrine? Why did he make her leave the happy place?

"Yes Master Naraku –thunder- What is it that you desire…." asked Kanna effectively creeping Kagura and Naraku –thunder- out. Naraku –thunder- pouted and blinked away tears.

"Where's my Kikyou plushy? I want it!" Kagura smirked. She had enjoyed cutting the plushy into small pieces with her fans and then putting them into Naraku –thunder- Naraku' –thunder-… Putting it in his oatmeal.

Kanna pulled out an InuYasha plushy. Naraku –thunder- childishly shook his head. Then she took out a Shippo one. He shook his head again. A Jakotsu one, Sango, Miroku, Kirara, Sesshomaru, Kagura (Naraku stepped on this one), Rin, Jaken...

A few hours later after ordering a Kikyou plushy, they were looking for another doll to help Naraku – thunder- through naptime.

"Here, it's the last one." Kagura handed him the Kagome plushy. Naraku –thunder- shrugged and immediately fell asleep sucking his thumb and clutching the plushy.

"_Peace at last,"_ thought Kagura and Kanna.

(Five seconds later)

"Wahhhhhhh," cried Naraku. –thunder- "There's a thunder storm outside!" Kagura rubbed her temples.

"It's been going on for a page and a half Naraku! –thunder-" He cried all the louder. Kagura gave a sigh of exasperation and turned to Kanna. Kanna nodded sharply and left the room.

"It'll be ok, Kanna's turning down the evilness meter and killing the Evil Error morons," she said as she awkwardly patted his back. Naraku –quieter thunder- sniffled.

"O-ok." He fell back asleep. The Kagome plushy's shirt was nowhere in sight and Naraku's tentacles were groping the doll and tainting its "school girl innocence."

"At least he's quiet…"

(Two seconds later)

"Kagura, It's snack time!" Kagura's left eye twitched. Sometimes she would rather have her heart squished like when Naraku –very quiet thunder- felt "evil" and "bad."

"Here's your apple juice!" She slammed the plastic box on his "snack time" bunny-head table. Naraku –audience claps at no thunder- pouted and began to whine.

"Where are my InuYasha animal crackers?!"

"Not today! You always make them touch each other in graphic X-rated ways and then you kill them!"

"I promise I won't today." His eyes grew large and chibi cute as he blinked them.

"Fine." She handed him the box.

"Hehehehehehehe Jakotsu, old Keade and Jaken kinky, bondage threesome!"

Kagura shook her head and slowly walked back to her beloved Sesshomaru shrine. What kind of smut pairing is that?

(Three Seconds Later)

"Kagurraaaa! I need you to clean my clothes!!" yelled Naraku. Kagura ran in with her fists clenched.

"You always want the same clothes washed everyday so you can wear them the next day! Remember the time they fell apart because I blew some WIND around?! Even InuYasha noticed that you don't change outfits! That's pathetic considering he hasn't noticed he has dog ears! And I'm tired of washing out the blood and mucus and other unidentifiable things!" Naraku yawned.

"I know that's why I want them washed. I got stuff on it!" He pointed to an apple juice stain he had gotten while "drowning" the InuYasha crackers.

"Ahhh help me InuYasha! Naraku is drowning me in some strange, yellow substance," he said in a small, very high-pitched voice as he doused a Kagome cracker.

"Kagome, Kagome, Kaaaagommmmeeee," he yelled in an overly deep masculine voice.

"InuYasha!"

"Kagome!"

"InuYasha!"

"Kagome!"

"InuYasha!"

"Kagome!"

"INUYAAAAAAAAAASSSHHHHHHAAAAAAA!"

Kagura tapped her foot and filed her nails as she waited. Then Naraku squirted more apple juice on them and mushed them into a soggy pile of ...soggy crackers.

"MWHAHAHAHAHAHA YOU'RE BOTH DEAD! Oh, no I got another stain on my kimono…." He whimpered, "Now you really have to wash it!"

Kagome gritted her teeth.

"I give you snacks, I ordered a Kikyo plushy –those are DAMN hard to find- I'm your minion, I put up with you every day, I kill for you! Wash your clothes yourself if you really want to wear them every day! 'Cause it's not in the job description!" She held up her Against-Your-Will Slave-minion job description papers. He turned up his nose.

"Fine then I'll just wear with no washing! Now bring me my mud and garlic sandwich."

"Ahhh Miroku, help me!" he said in a slightly high-pitched voice.

"He's trying to drown me in mud and garlic! Hurry, Miroku hurry!"

"Lady Sango! I'll save you!"

"Miroku!"

"Sanggggoooo!"

"Miroku!"

"Sango!"

"Mirokuuuuuuu!"

"Sango!"

"ME-ROW-KUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!"

"DEAD!" Naraku stuck them in his sandwich and took a large bite that spilled the mud and garlic all down his kimono.

(Several Weeks Down The Proverbial Road….)

"InuYasha, his miasma is stronger than before! You can even smell it now!"

Kagome shot a purification arrow at Naraku, which caused his foul-smelling clothes to catch on fire the second it hit him. Then Sango stabbed his burning body with her katana and Miroku hit him over the head with his staff. InuYasha used the Bakuryuha (Backlash wave,) then kirara bit him and Shippo hit him where the sun don't shine. They just **had** to make sure his ashes didn't come back to life.

"I think we beat him." They looked at the smoldering ashes once known as Naraku.

"We did! We beat him, YAY!" Everybody high-fived, peace signed and stuff. Then the perky ending song began and showed everyone walking down a dirt road.

Suddenly in the background, InuYasha used the jewel to become a full demon and ate everyone. Then he completely massacred all of Japan, thus destroying an entire culture.

_Yay, that's the best happy ending of any light hearted anime yet! Thanks Takashi-sensei!_

_Takahashi-Sensei "You're welcome TMA!" _Both TMA and Takahashi smiled brightly at eachother and then the slightly green readers, oblivious to their sensitivity to blood and gore.

**ANSWER**: They're just like five year olds; none of them want to actually change their outfits; change is scawy mommy! Maybe they can't wash their clothes –you know being disabled and all- maybe they don't want to, the lazy bums.

Author's notes:

Guess what? I'm taking a poll on the next chapter. A maaagggggicaaallllll poll! Well I'll give you more information than that.

**I'm doing a chapter about Mary-sues/OCs and I have 2 endings. I'm not sure on which one to use so I'm going to take a poll.**

**You have three choices:**

**1) The Mary-sue likes women and leaves the men heartbroken OR**

**2) She ends up with someone unexpected. (I'm not ruining it by saying who it is!) OR**

**3) I post both. In which case I would want a couple more reviews for ….payment.**

**Choose wisely young one -cackles-**

**I'll give you about a week and half to make all of your decisions. **

Toddles my lovely slaves- I mean reviewers.

-TMA


	12. NO MARYSUES WERE HARMED IN THE MAKING

Me no own InuYasha or Teletubbies. I also do not own any songs sung by the lovely bachelors.

**This is a long chapter. You had better have some popcorn.**

Anime Questions Answered

**Question: Why do **_choice_** authors insist on adding Mary-sues to their stories? **

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The group was staying at Kaede's village for a couple days. They needed to rest because InuYasha had once again gotten a hole ripped in his gut.

"_Oh yeah? Well I can beat you blindfolded, with my arms tied behind my back and lead weights on my feet!"_

His arrogance precedes him.

But little did they know that that very day their lives were to change forever.

Fifteen-year-old Mattaki was going to her job from donating blood, helping Hobos and fuzzy animals and from volunteering at the nursing home. Her beauty and perfection made people stop and stare but modest, little Mattaki just kept walking. She flipped her long, silky, not bushy, manageable, shiny, healthy, beautiful, lovely, must-I-keep-over-using-adjectives, dark, light, brown, red, blue, pink, rainbow, blonde, naturally-highlighted, awesome, oh-so-not-sueish hair over one graceful, dainty, strong, toned shoulder. A man dropped an apple so she bent over to pick it up but her short schoolgirl skirt didn't show off any of her toned, smooth, creamy, cellulite-free, muscular, long, amazing, entrancing, alabaster thighs. It obviously wouldn't; it knew better than to make such a trim, large breasted, scantily dressed, with a thin waist look slutty.

Mattaki was on her way to the Higurashi shrine to help the crazy, old man that everyone avoided. Nevertheless, she loved him. Mattaki was after all loving, kind, funny, beautiful, smart, helpful, popular, nice –sentences keeps running on and on about her magical abilities-… and she can play the tuba too!

"Young lady you are so much better than Kagome that ugly, horrible, Mary-sue protagonist the story revolves around for no reason! Now please clean the well and oh my dear please hold on…DEMON BEGONE!" Kagome's grandfather ran after a hissing Buyo with a sutra that would not work anyways.

"Oh he's such a good man!" If you finished the list above, you would know Mattaki also sees the best in everyone.

She began to clean the well house and the edge of the well.

"Oh I should clean INSIDE the well! Tehehehehehehehehe." Her laughter like nauseating bells and overall perfection she jumped gracefully into the well. Wow is she perfect! She can even transcend time through the well!

"This is a little different but I'm sure it is wonderful here!" I'm pretty sure you didn't read that list or else you'd know how positive she is.

InuYasha was on a walk to escape Shippo when he caught a feminine scent. It smelled uniquely of sakura blossoms (because saying 'cherry blossom' makes us lyke3 ign0rant), vanilla, pureness, spring flowers, strawberries, citrus, lavender, lilac, coconut, violets, sunshine, stardust, a tropical breeze, strawberry wine, moonbeams, the ocean wind, marijuana, watermelon, musk, rain, and sapphires. Without a second simple thought, he ran towards it because the scent was, of course, perfect.

He ran swiftly to the well and gasped as she sat there blinking stupi- um curiously, with wonder, in a charming manner. She looked up at him with those deep, dark, rimmed by thick dark lashes that brushed against her cheek, most precious twin amethyst gems, green as emeralds, cobalt blue, exotic orange, sea green, coal eyes, corn flower blue, molten gold, royal purple plum, pink of the sunrise, blue-green like the ocean, sunshine yellow, stormy grey (gray is gay), amber like flames, dark as the night, eyes that changed depending upon her mood, the time, the lighting, the situation, if anyone can believe it's butter and her awesome ability. Forgetting his undying devotion to Kagome and Kikyou and his distrust of all beings InuYasha walked towards her.

"Oh my!" A tail popped out lifting her skirt up but OBVIOUSLY, her skirt didn't show a thing. It knew better than that! Then her shapely, shaped just right ears disappeared.

"Where'd my ears go?! I can't hear anything!" InuYasha looked at the earless BUT PERFECT!! girl and grinned.

"You have pretty boobies." He giggled in an unlike InuYasha way as he looked at the two, perfectly proportioned, soft, large, firm, oh-so wonderful orbs of mass distraction.

"I could hear that you know," she giggled musically as her twin, fuzzy, white dog ears that are just like InuYasha's (OMG OMG OMG they're meant to be together ) swiveled on her head.

Saving from InuYasha a stupid reply or mad, rabid smex, Kagome walked into the picture. Kagome and Mattaki recognized each other. They went to school together, they had all their classes together, they were best friends even though we never heard of it in the anime/manga, and Kagome didn't even care if Mattaki took InuYasha her one true love from her. What a good friend!

"MATTAKI!!"

"KAGOME!!" They hugged and began to talk rapidly. Even though Kagome is a jealous, bossy, rude, mean, awful, Mary-sue bitch Mattaki still liked her. Mattaki treats everyone equally, even those who joined the Club Baby Seals Corporation ©. Seriously check the list of perfection out; it's longer than Santa's!

Miroku also entered the clearing and upon seeing Mattaki, he forgot his undying devotion to Sango and other woman's butts. He groped her smooth, firm, muscular, lily-white, dark, tanned, peach-colored, cellulite free, sexy, plump, supple butt and nearly passed out from the pleasure. Sango's butt- imperfect but very loving- had nothing on this flawlessness and nonchalance!

Shippo was also infatuated with her. Who needs Kagome when Mattaki's around? Hell, even Kagome felt that way!

"Wanna join our quest for jewel shards? I HATE MYSELF! WHY MUST I BE KAGOME?!!?!!?"

"Sure," Mattaki replied cheerfully. So, with InuYasha's wound mysteriously healed, they set off! Along the way they taught the school-girl who has never left the city or physically roughed it in her life about various weapons and ways to protect herself.

"Wow you-uh- you mastered archery, swordsmanship, hand-to-hand combat, demon slaying, Tessaiga, fox magic, ninja jutsus, Hiraikotsu, traveling and fighting with Kirara, sutras, purification, miko abilities, the wind tunnel, purifying and seeing jewel shards. And you mastered it in one lesson and now you're better at it than people that have done it for years," Sango said pleased with her student that was stealing her man. She had resigned peacefully to the fact because Mattaki was…Mattaki! After all, who wants the love of their life when Mattaki is obviously all around better? Sango knew she was supposed to die sad and alone anyways.

"I'm a fast learner!" Mattaki flashed a dazzling, healthy, joyous, perfectly white teeth even though she had not brushed them in days, sexy, saucy, eager, youthful, fresh-breathed smile causing InuYasha and Miroku to turn to goo- happy goo. Shippo gave a fan girl scream before passing out.

One day after Mattaki bravely took six shards from a demon SINGLE-HANDELY and took a blow for InuYasha and Miroku they ran into Sesshomaru. After he finished checking Mattaki out he spoke.

"This woman affects I, Lord Sesshomaru, in ways other have not affected I, Lord Sesshomaru. Young beauty in my control I, Lord Sesshomaru can sense what moron, InuYasha cannot. Tell me, of which genus are you?" Mattaki giggled her mystical, musical, silvery, like bells, joyful, womanly, innocent, sweet, soft, adorable, loveable, did I say musical?, all around wonderful, giggle.

InuYasha, Miroku and Shippo fainted from pleasure. Sesshomaru remained stoic but his eyes were lighter and fuller of life; Mattaki in only a few moments had changed him into a better person…demon…hot guy.

"Why I am a rare, unusual fox, dog, wolf, bear, and spider demon mix, elf, mermaid, phoenix, dwarf, vampire, angel and I am part human; a demon slayer, incredibly powerful priestess, ninja!"

Sesshomaru felt odd. This captivating woman… she was so much _more_ than anyone else. Then a terrible pain began in his chest. It was like a drumbeat! Was he dying? This horrible rhythm sounded so menacing; Ba-bum, Ba-bum.

Sesshomaru's heart began to beat.

"Demoness you have forever changed my view of those with human blood within them. Except for InuYasha…he's a moron."

InuYasha waved at Mattaki from where he stood glad to have someone finally mention him.

"I am from now until forever devoted to you." Like countless others of countless animes and television series Sesshomaru conformed and forgot his undying devotion to his beloveds; Kagura, Rin, Kagome, Sango, Miroku, Jaken, InuYasha and the countless others people force him to be paired with.

He left after a bit of threatening from Miroku and InuYasha ("Stay away from my woman" "She's MY butt stay away from her!") and mostly persuading from Mattaki ("Oh Sesshomaru please think of little Rin and that ugly Teletubby thing!")

Mattaki stared after Sesshomaru for a moment before turning back to three jealous men, one "mary-sue", and a woman destined to die alone. She smiled.

"Wow everyone's so nice here!"

Then –so Mattaki can meet everyone- Kouga appeared in his cyclone of doom to see Kagome. Naturally, he forgot all about her for Mattaki was just so much better!

"MY woman!" He tried to carry her off but when Mattaki began to cry his arms turned to jello. Her crystal, pristine, heartfelt, shining, shimmering tears were his only weakness; Kouga couldn't bear to hurt his love. So instead, he tried to stay forever.

Mattaki however knew his pack needed him and told him he must go. With his obsession of Kagome and his engagement/fear of Ayame forgotten Kouga vowed to return to her before leaving in his life-threatening, crop-destroying cyclone.

"I still hate him…." InuYasha mumbled. He had seen Mattaki first! Even if she preferred Shippo's, Sango's and Kagome's company and hardly spoke to him at all he felt the love for him that radiated from her! Shippo, Miroku, Kouga, and Sesshomaru also felt her deep, vast love.

Traveling alone Mattaki finally met the last slightly desirable man in the series.

"Kukukukukuku hahahaha hohohohoho hehehehehe tehehehehehe! You can see the jewels and so I will whisk you away to my castle! You've got a **BANGIN'** body too which is a major bonus!"

Mattaki's constant smile dimmed at his words.

"My friends told me you were after the jewel for evil purposes! And that you were a meanie! So I will now fight you to save myself and the others in a show of selfless bravery!"

She grabbed her own very special, custom-made by Totosaifor **her** powerful demon father long ago, designed to protect and kill, incredibly powerful, sleek, attractive looking, just taken out of a warp in her pupil, katana-tachi mix, sword.

"And now I will fight you using a sword that was never explained, no one knew about that has a history suspiciously similar to InuYasha's Tessaiga!"

Sango was no use in the fight. "Kohaku, no!" Kohaku did nothing.

"Please Kohaku don't do it!" He stood still, blinking.

"Why can't you hear me?!" Kohaku had in earplugs.

"KOHAKUUUUU!!!!"

Kagome and Shippo "never" matter in situations like this. Kagome lost her spiritual powers and purity because she's a whore! Yes the entire Band of Seven AND Koga.

That filthy Mary-sue who _obviously _has no worth. She's so greedy! I mean really she's always letting InuYasha go with Kikyou, ignoring her own pain for the greater good, giving up her modern life to help collect jewel shards, often sacrificing her grades to protect her friends. Mattaki is much better.

But Shippo's cute so he can just sit there and cheer on Mattaki.

Kirara had no point in this story except to make Mattaki stronger if that is possible. Her purpose has been served so she's dead as in Rigor Mortis, rotting corpse, dead.

InuYasha and Miroku were to busy staring at Mattaki to help or protect the children. That's ok though because she's perfect and can use any attack!

"Wind Scar! Wind tunnel! Hirakotsu! Horrible mix of Japanese words that is supposed to be a graceful, yet powerful and stunning attack that includes the author's favorite words translated into Japanese on a questionable website which ends up sounding like a dog vomiting on the carpet!"

Her attack of rose petals, lightning, rain, rainbows and light whipped at Naraku in the shape of a lovely, bright, captivating, entrancing, and gorgeous as Mattaki herself, sweet smelling, heart.

"I admit temporary defeat. But my love burns strongly and I will return for you!" He disappeared into his usual cloud of miasma.

Mattaki smiled a little again.

"That was a nice compliment. I think he could really be good!"

So the little group kept traveling and perfect, little Mattaki helped them collect jewel shards despite the fact that in even early manga and anime there was only one jewel left. She was of course faster and more efficient than Kagome and Kikyou combined! Which is inefficient considering they don't particularly like each other.

Well actually, Kikyou has decided Mattaki is better for InuYasha than Kagome or even herself. So now she just follows the group occasionally while emo-ing out with her thoughts of revenge, obsession, Naraku and the usual things a teenaged, clay pot, protector of the Shikon no Tama returned from hell thinks of.

One moonlit night Kagome was in her time WHERE SHE SHOULD STAY ZOMG and for lack of any reason Sango was off some where. During this time, InuYasha went to Mattaki to confess his undying feelings! Coincidentally so did Miroku, Sesshomaru, Shippo, Kouga and Naraku! Why are there so many exclamation points all of a sudden?!

Mattaki sat by the glittering water's surface. She stared out at it as if in a daze. All six men snuck up behind her supposedly to surprise her but mostly likely to get it onnnnnn. If their reasoning was either choice then Mattaki was ok because of her superb hearing and sense of smell.

It was mostly her sense of smell that did not actually need to be that great to smell them coming. Has anyone ever seen a naked Sesshomaru in a bath recently? InuYasha and Miroku only did that like twice! Geez Rumiko-sensei likes her men dirty. She's like a Japanese 2003 Christina Aquilera.

"Oh hi guys! What's up?" Kouga cleared his throat and Sesshomaru glanced around as though looking upon her fresh, young beauty would cause his eyes to melt. Finally, InuYasha stepped forward and started the corny scene.

"Alma I haven't known you very long. . ." began InuYasha.

"…about three hours now…" continued Kouga.

"…and we're so different…" mumbled Miroku as he blushed. After all he sooo isn't a pimp and he doesn't know how to act around women or what to say!

"…but this…what I feel…"

"…is so strong…" sighed Naraku. He loved romance and now he was living his very own. Harlequin romance novels be damned!

"…that I can't put my feelings into words…" sighed Shippo.

"…So I'll sing it to you," all seven finished.

"Alright a friendship song!" Mattaki was only a little ignorant but it proved how pure she truly was! After all slight things like ignorance and purity only add to perfection!

The lights dimmed then spotlights appeared over all the men who were suddenly dressed in suits and ties or tuxedos. Another light shone over Mattaki who had a classy-looking, perfect, fit her like a glove, just the right color, shaped wonderfully gown.

All was quiet, any cricket that chirped immediately died as to maintain the silence until…they began to sing.

"Cause every time we touch I get this feeling-

"I sent a note 'I love you I meant it' now I know-

"I like BIG BUTTS and I cannot lie-

"I've been alone with you inside my mind and in my dreams I kissed your lips-

"Oh baby, baby we belong together-

ENDING ONE:

Mattaki's face contorted into a frown, which caused the lights to turn off and then shatter.

"Love? Butts? Belonging together in a horrible attempt at high C?"

Shippo blushed. He had practiced that high C note but apparently, puberty comes quickly in foxes. It was a horrible shot but it sounded just like Mariah Carey.

"I thought you all just wanted to be my friends! All my male friends at home stared at my chest and butt with that look on their faces so I thought we were all friends! I can't believe you didn't know. Oh my god…" She sighed melodramatically. "Well you'll find out in a moment."

The men began to cry in an oh-so-masculine way with their triceps and biceps stretching and moving as they bawled into their hands.

"Please Mattaki," cried InuYasha holding his snort covered hand out to her, "If it's another man leave him. He can't love you like I do!"

Mattaki put her hand over her heart and sighed.

"No Inuyie dear it's not…a man so to speak."

"I want the truth! Just tell me how you feel!"

"Oh Miry-carry you're an awesome friendly, pedophile monk but…"

"The jewel is nothing without you! I need something else to stare at while cackling!"

"Narakie baby that's sweet but I-

"LOVE ME!!!"

"Sesshy-kun behave!"

"Mattaki how can you not love ME?!!?" Shippo put on his best puppy face; he failed however because he is, in fact, a fox.

"Shippy-hippy I'm not a pedophile. I- I-

Kagome appeared from within the forest and waved to Mattaki, following her was Sango, Ayame, Kagura, Kanna, Rin (who had experienced some sort of boob growing and period obtaining over night) and Kikyou.

"Hey baby!" Mattaki and Kagome French kissed passionately. When they "broke apart breathless" Sango slapped Ayame on the butt and then wiggled her eyebrows at Mattaki.

"Oh you silly girls!" The women laughed as their lovers –Kikyou and Kagura- play-wrestled half-naked in the mud. Miroku moved towards Kagome's school bag and pulled out a camera. Some how he figured out how to work it and filmed the entire thing.

"Come you two! Let's go have that sleep over!"

"We won't do much sleeping will we?"

"Now Rin behave yourself!" They all walked off to a soundproof cabin in the distance holding hands, kissing, giggling, coping feels and smacking various parts of the female anatomy.

Every male jaw in the proximity touched the ground. Drool was slowly collecting into puddles on the ground. These puddles of drool became the Male Angst Lakes.

"Oh. My. Buddha. If that wasn't so hot I'd be sobbing right now." The other men still staring at the retreating women nodded at Miroku's statement.

"So do you guys want to leave the wounds of rejection open by watching the film of our loved one reject us for the women we used to care for?" Everyone nodded.

Thus for the rest of their long lives the men watched the video. And they did the male equivalent of cutting- smoking pot.

Their hair grew out long and shaggy (if it was not before) and the extent of their conversations with each other was "uhh yup…yeah…totally. Hey man, pass the bong and like restart the video."

They were as happy as depressed, rejected men could be.

ENDING ONE ANSWER:  No one is perfect. Everyone has acknowledged that. But we the crazy people who stay in the house all day on the computer, in our pajamas writing, only to come out at night (authors) keep on trying. Well I don't because then I would want myself to die and suicidal thoughts are bad!

DON'T DO DRUGS EITHER! THEY GIVE YOU NOTHING! (Except for possibly feelings of euphoria and absolute joy but those don't count. Yes they do. Do drugs. They make you feel good.)

ENDING TWO:

Mattaki's smile made the entire clearing glow. The spotlights broke; they didn't want to get into the way of _her_ light which was way better than theirs.

"Oh you! Come here!" She ran slow-mo towards them. Her arms were outstretched and her hair flowed behind her framing her face perfectly. Even though they had been staring at her run the twenty foot distance for ten minutes they were all still in awe.

'_She liked my song,_" they all thought happily, "_and now she's gonna kiss me! Woo par-tay!" _

"Shippo!!! We do belong together! And I've always loved you too from afar! I was afraid that you couldn't feel the same way! Come on baby let's go find a priest!"

Mattaki crouched down so they could walk off hand-in-hand. She gently kissed Shippo on the lips.

"Wait until tonight, I'ma rock your world!" Wow turns out she WAS a pedophile.

Sesshomaru, Naraku, Koga and InuYasha were unlucky enough to hear her whisper that to Shippo. When they told Miroku, he began to cry.

"M-my heart hurts!"

"Mine too."

"I , Lord Sesshomaru who has recently obtained a heart which grew two times today thus making this betrayal hurt more agree."

"I thought she loved me." They shared a collective sigh.

"Want listen to emo music while crying and wearing black," InuYasha suggested. That always helped him.

Everyone replied, "Yes."

Thus they all cut to solve their problems. It never worked.

ENDING TWO ANSWER;

Authors (usually n00bs) want to be perfect and loved. They create a Mary sue to obtain such attention from other writers and to make characters love them. It's really quite sad.

SECRET THIRD ENDING I DIDN'T MENTION;

In the middle of her beaus' songs, Mattaki began to scream. It echoed shrilly but perfectly through the forest. Everything froze even the lake water in mid-ripple and the air, which made it hard for most of them to breath. Not that they would breathe anyways because Mattaki was injured!

She lay on the ground in a pool of her own crimson, shining, warm, scarlet, dark blood.

"Mattaki," cried InuYasha.

"What happened," Miroku sobbed as he brushed her hair behind her ear.

"Na-naraku loves me right," she asked in a croaky voice that still held all of her purity, beauty, softness, love, yadda, yadda, yadda.

Everyone looked at Naraku who nodded; they nodded in return before looking at Mattaki again.

"Yup."

"We're pretty sure."

"T-then I must have been attacked by my brother and sister!" Shippo gasped.

"Mattaki, why would they ever do that?" Tears glistened in her soft, loving eyes before trickling down her face.

"Because I wasn't good enough. That and they sexually molested me, beat me, wanted me dead. I was Mother's and Father's favorite, I inherited the cool sword and the northern lands and you know that stuff which actually has nothing to do with not being good enough."

"But Mattaki," Naraku began, "Didn't you kill them in some unmentioned moment? Their bodies are kinda…rotting over there." He pointed to two rotting bodies with large nametags saying "HELLO WE ARE: Makki's brother and sister who contribute to the angst and pain in her past."

"Oh. In that case it was a random demon."

"I will avenge you Mattaki!!! I will avenge you," Kouga shouted to the nighttime sky, which immediately opened, and poured rain down onto his head. Everyone else remained dry, untouched by the rain. "And I'll avenge myself, and Kagome (for old infatuation's sake because I LOVE YOU) and my pack and …you."

"Silly Kouga. Don't you know you'll never find this demon? Just build a shrine here and come every day to cry and mourn. And never move on." Her eyes flashed brightly. It hypnotized him. His eyes shone in the same way when he looked at her.

"Never move on," he repeated in a slow, dreamy tone.

"We will all come to this very spot Lady Mattaki. We will build it together for you," Miroku said solemnly. There was silence.

"Well nothing left to say…" InuYasha noted as he glanced around whistling nervously.

"So um I guess I should die now from my fatal wounds which should have killed me instantaneously." The men looked at each other and nodded in agreement.

"Ok then." Mattaki immediately died leaving the entire world grief-stricken. People who didn't even know her began to listen to Hawthorne Heights and use their cats' claws to cut their wrists.

"MATTTAKKKIIIIII!!!!"

All dressed in black Shippo sniffled and lifted his veil to pat tears off his cheeks using a handkerchief.

They built a shrine over the puddle of her blood and they cremated her body. Her cremation was one sextillion times more angst filled than Kikyou's fourth death could ever be.

Even hundreds of years later Kouga, InuYasha, Shippo, Naraku and even Sesshomaru cried like little babies over her death. Miroku died of old age already. He was the lucky one.

Kagome and Sango at one point or another had gotten together and become lovers. They did not have any children because none of the men wanted to supply the "DNA" needed. After all, they were too busy being real men and crying over a woman who never loved any of them. That is what a real man spends his time doing.

ENDING THREE ANSWER; Apparently there is something good about hurting the canon characters and writing long chapters about their pain and suffering. It's kinky and the only way to make a "romance/angst."

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Wow three endings. This will never happen again. (Actually, it's a safe bet that it will in a future chapter only two endings instead. Hopefully I'll have at least one ending.)

I did my best to make this as sue-ish as possible. **I even read a few god-awful stories such as ones by SakuraAlchemist**. I laughed a while before I realized she was serious. Then I cried tears of my youth and purity.

Asatsuyuu Nikoru: You finally reviewed the first chapter? Ok…

Samiko (anonymous): Actually, I am perfect but thanks for not outright saying "you're crazy!"

Dark Evanescence Immortal: Most people ARE sensitive and I hope I never see the Goth picture.

Angst Lover: I'm trying to update quickly but this was one helluva long chapter. Post something!!

Nekoluver: It was wasn't it? I'm getting better at ending these things.

Water and earth alchemist: Congratulations! You got number one and number two and even a number three! (I made myself a nom du plume on fiction press too! Try doing something like that.)

Do you see that button? It is purple and says, "Submit review." That button's name is Abandonment issues Bob©. When you leave ANY chapter of ANY story without giving a review, he cries and his pain and fear of abandonment grows.

Are you really going to abandon Abandonment issues Bob©?

Do you actually want him to cry?

-TMA

Mattaki means 'perfect' in Japanese.


	13. Side effect of OOC include:FL4ME3SZ

Ayoooooooooo I'm back babies. Here's to the people that reviewed!

**FavouriteKitten**: Did I ever tell you that I love you? Because I really do and your reviews make my life. The marijuana thing came from being in the bad part of town while people were having a party. Not to sound illegal but it smells like herbal tea only fruiter which smells AWESOME. Yes, I love to share my talents and I wish you would too by updating "_Love Across Time Again?"_

**SerenityRain2233** (times two): Hey, you don't have to review everything; I understand the whole work thing despite only being in High school. **Well a Mary sue is an original character who is beautiful and perfect in every way. The main male characters fall in love with her. She usually makes the leading female characters act out of character and thus she looks perfect. Her history is ALWAYS tragic. **You probably got lost because that was such a long chapter with multiple endings.

**Cherrie.Checkaz**: Don't worry. We're all insane here.

**Angst Lover: **Dear, they were OC-Mary Sues. I meant to show you that I looked at her characters for inspiration. Seriously keep working and I will too!

**Asatsuyuu Nikoru: **YOU GOT NUMBER THREE!! YAY LET'S THROW A PARTY…well not today, I'm typing right now.

**WaterandearthAlchemist: **I'm perfect!! You saying people hate me? Haha like jk jk. It is horribly true. People think that is what you want to read. Frankly, they should tone the Sues down and cart them over to Fiction Press.

While typing this I noticed that Kagome acted like an IC InuYasha while OOC and vice versa. Sango and Miroku rather did too. Opposites Attract!

Sorry if you cannot read th3 wriitiing th4t l00ksz lyke3 diis orthewayNarakutalkswhenhe'sonasugarhigh. If you review, I WILL offer a translation.

**I HATE NO CHARACTERS. **But Kagome and Shippo are OOC.

I also apologize for the way the four men acted. They were not themselves that day and it really is 'thurrr song."

Anime Questions Answered (you know you love it)

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**Question: **Why, oh, WHY must authors make anime characters OOC in fanfictions?

The group was traveling along as they always do. After all how else does a chapter in AQA start?

Kagome and Shippo were frowning with their arms crossed as they shuffled their feet. Whenever a woman walked by Kagome would growl and gash her teeth. After all, she was an incredibly jealous person and didn't want anyone near InuYasha! He was hers! She would not share as she had done throughout the series and manga.

InuYasha was skipping, giggling, and singing. Tragic pasts can't hold him down! He was also quite cocky; he knew the women loved him. No embarrassing lack of spirit with the women there.

"Dudududu we're traveling! Traveling!" he chirped happily.

"SHUT UP HIMBO! I OWN YOU!!!" Kagome screeched her usual grumpy self.

"EKKKK!! There are women here!! Ewwww!" Miroku ran desperately to catch up with the still singing InuYasha and to avoid the women.

Sango walked along very mellow, occasionally staring at Miroku's butt with lust and hunger. After all, despite her virginal looks Sango was a P.I.M.P. As she walked no emotion passed her face, there was no anger at Miroku's stupidity, no curiosity as to why Kagome and Shippo were attacking fluffy baby chicks, no concern for those poor baby chicks, and no sorrow like she always had for Kohaku. However, she had a burning urge to bear Miroku's child…

"Monk! Can I bear your child," She called to him while waving her arms. He looked at her in fear. When he saw her coming closer to his personal bubble, he began to run.

"No!!" Stay away from me!" Sango shrugged and then stopped waving her arms. If he did not want her, she was OK with that. In fact, everything was fine. She had no objections or emotions about anything.

"I wanna be a human!" InuYasha whistled happily. It was such a beautiful world! Kagome was great and he did not mind sharing his feelings with her! Shippo wasn't an annoying brat that constantly tricked him and Sango and Miroku were just dandy! Kirara was just Kirara doing her cat thing with the meowing, purring and eating evil demons.

"No one cares!" InuYasha sniffled before beginning to cry like a baby.

"Sweet,-sob- sweet, wonderful, love of my life, –sniffle- Kagome, you're s-so mean! Now hug me as you should! I w-won't object and push you away out of embarrassment."

"NO!" InuYasha cried all the harder. Miroku pet his back comfortingly. He glared at Sango and Kagome.

"It's ok InuYasha my dear friend," he said, "All women are evil!"

"That's funny," said a deep, masculine voice, "I LOVE women!" In came Jakotsu on his weekly trip into the countryside without his comrades.

"Hey Sango. How 'bout you and me meet at the local inn? Here's the key to the Sweetheart suite." Sango stood there, blinking and staring at the key.

"Nahh I don't care about anything and today is not my pimping day. I pimp on Saturdays to get us a room in an inn when we stop for the night."

"Please baby, you're breaking my heart."

"As I said I don't really care about anything."

"0MGSZ N0T E3VE3N 4B0UT KOHAKU?!!?!111two"

Naraku stood there in all his dark, Naraku glory…wearing pink. Sango blinked.

"Oh hi Kohaku. How's being a brain-washed slave going?"

"Great Sango," Kohaku said with a giant, news reporter smile, "I just LOVE killing people against my will! Back to you Master Naraku!"

"L0L TH4NX KOHAKU! IiN LYKE3 0THE3R NE3WSZ, ii H4D S0000000 MUCH SUG4' T0D4ii y0u lyke3 w0uldn't be3liie3ve3 iit! He3y d0e3s thiisz piiink shiiirt m4ke3 me3 l00k f4t?!?"

"Lyke3 0f c0ursze3 n0t!" Jesus Christ help us Sesshomaru had come around to say "liike3 hii!"

Unfortunately his dialogue continued, "W0w lyke3 t0d4y s0me30ne3 w4z lyke3 '0mg Se3sshy diid y0u kn0w gullible lyke3 iisn't iin te3h diictii0n4ry?" 4nd ii w4z 4ll lyke3 0MG RE34LLii?!? S0 ii l00ke3d iin te3h diictii0nary –ii can't be3liie3ve ii c4n re3ad wiff mii first gr4de3 re3adiin' le3ve3l- and iit w4sz lyke3 iin the3r3!!"

Shippo and Kagome smacked their hands to their foreheads before violently shaking their heads as if to say "Oh. My. God. He's stupid." Then Sesshomaru turned to InuYasha.

"he3y iit's mii f4v0riite3 br0th4!! 0mg ii l0ve3 ye3w Inu!!"

"Yay! Love is awesome! I love you too Sesshomaru!" They hugged each other with brotherly love and InuYasha cried he was so happy.

"BTW Inu k33p Tessaiga! I don't want it!"

"I don't even care about it, here!" InuYasha attempted to hand the sword to Sesshomaru who could miraculously touch it or forgot that he couldn't.

"No you!"

"You!"

"No really it's yours!"

"No you!"

"You!"

"Youuuuu!"

"You!"

"I insist!"

"Alright I'll keep it Sesshomaru." They smiled warmly at each other.

Kagome and Shippo were sitting off to the side making a list about how awful life is. While suggesting ideas Kagome sharpened the blade, she would use to kill Kikyou. God she absolutely hated Kikyou! It's obvious that Kagome would kill her!

Lifelessly Kouga, the slowest runner of the wolf clan walked up to the small dysfunctional group. He perked up when he saw his best friend InuYasha.

"Hey InuYasha," he called with obvious excitement in his voice, "Get out of the way wench." Pushing that idiot Kagome out of the way he ran-walked –emphasis on the walked- to InuYasha's awaiting arms.

"Kouga! It's soooo good to see you, my best friend, buddy, awesome pal!" They embraced each other in the way their close friendship allowed. No love-hate Yaoi there like most people think of writing only loving comradeship!

Then Sesshomaru pulled them both in for a- "GR0UP HUG!!!"

Naraku acting like his usual happy as a person on a sugar high self was bouncing up and down around the hugging –NOT YAOI PARTNERS- friends, talking rapidly.

"SoSangotheotherdayIwasplanninghowtogetalotofmoneysoIcouldgetalotofsugarsoIdecidedtostartacircuswithsquirrels!" he began so rapidly that the words blended in a nauseating way, "SoItriedtotrainmyfavoritesquirrelfoamy! Foamyfoamsatthemouthandscreeches; it'scool. ThedoctorscalleditRabies. Doesn't that sound cool?" His sugar high began to lesser and his words spaced themselves properly. Unfortunately, though he was still able to bounce and remain loud and perky.

"But when I was trying to train him to jump through the hoop of fire he bit me! It hurt but I'm ok except I need sugar and I have weird muscle spasms. Yay ADDICTION…and Rabies!'

Suddenly Sesshomaru was jumping too. "He3y Naraku, I b0rr0w3d s0m3 0v y0ur sugar!! H0pe3 yew d0n't mind!! The3n ii b0ught s0me3 fr0m a guy iin a d4rk alle3y!!! He3 s4iid y0u sn0rt iit so ii lyke3 diid and weeeeeeeeeeeeee. Thiis 'cocaine' sugar iis lyke3 awe3s0me3!!"

InuYasha being the total conformist, dependent, social butterfly that he was began to jump for joy and sugar too.

"Sugar! Sugar! Sug4r!!" Kagom frowned as she stared at their strange dance-and-song routine.

"They're like that horrible, sucky band SugarCult only they aren't a band."

"Yay we are a sugar cult! Sugar leads us!!!! And we don't have to worry about mass suicide or fake religions!!!! Woooo no Jim Jones for us," cried InuYasha happily. How did he know about a cult leader from years in the future? No idea but it sounded funny.

"Lyke3 Sugar! SUGAR!" Sesshomaru and Naraku danced in a circle while InuYasha beat the ceremonial drums of Hyper.

Jakotsu was still hitting on Sango with all his might. You have to give him props.

"Are you from Tennessee? Cuz you're the only ten-I-see," He said, pulling the pickup line that probably originated from a drunken man who had no idea what he was saying let alone which way was up.

"Might I ask what 'Tennessee' is? I don't believe it is near here," Sango asked dully without any curiosity in her voice. Jakotsu stared at her shocked at her inability to understand how much he wanted to get laid.

"Come on baby," he began again still very desperate for those two and a half minutes of so called glory, "you, me, too much crappy tasting rice sake. It's totally worth the hang over." The make up covered man wiggled his eyebrows with insinuation. Sango blinked a little confused by his insistence on feeding her.

"That's ok. I think I'll stay here; I'm not very hungry."

"Oh come onnnnnnnn. I mean your daddy must have been a baker because you've got some nice buns." Sango blinked again still a little curious as to his obsession with her body parts.

"No my father was a demon slayer. He, my brother and people I have known my entire life were killed right before my eyes. I am however not upset and I will not hit you out of rage or frustration-filled angst."

"WH3R3'Z Y00R SE3NSE3 0V ADVE3NTURE3?!" Sesshomaru asked her through his high and hallucinating state.

"I do not have one," sango replied.

"Curiosity," asked InuYasha while he beat the Hyper drums.

"No, none at all."

"W0W LiiFE3 SUCKSZ 4 yew!!!!"

Kagome was pissed at the amount of time the crazy men had wasted already. Didn't they know how much she wanted to find the jewel shards and become a hanyo or demon like everyone thought she would? Moreover, did they know that she wanted to go back to her own time and not stay with her best friends, adopted child and soul mate?

She knew the only way to handle men. Her hand fished around in the bag and pulled out….a party-size bag of candy. A holy glow filled the clearing originating from the bag.

Everyone squinted and covered their watering eyes as they attempted to see the glory.

"I-it's beautiful!" Sesshomaru, Naraku and InuYasha bowed before the candy, all of them once again crying with joy. They hugged each other and thanked Buddha for miracles.

"Shut up and eat it so we can get out of here," Shippo muttered before sitting with a pout next to Kagome. Kagome chucked the bag at them. The muscle free, not very masculine men did not catch it. Naraku hesitantly held it and dusted off the dirt.

"S0 b3autiiful, but s0 d3liicat3. ii'm s0rrii th4t ii must hurt y0u." His tears fell freely as he ripped the bag open. Sesshomaru sniffled.

"sh3 diie3d f0r 0ur addiictiion. 0h G0d bl3sszz te3h c4ndii 4nd m4y iit r3st iin pe3ace," he said solemnly in his best preach-grownup voice.

Crying even harder InuYasha and Naraku nodded. They each ate a small piece of candy.

We'll never fo-forget you! Three bags and thirty seconds later a terrible horror had unleashed itself.

"Woooo more hyper than before!!!" Shippo scowled again.

"They certainly got over that quickly, Ka-GAG-me," Shippo said, using a favorite nickname of Kagome's.

"Everyone does, Shit-poop." They sit on the ground sullenly, listening to loud, angry sex music while praying for death…delivered to Sesshomaru, Naraku and InuYasha. On the brighter, less dark, but still bad side, they had each other –even though they hated each other desperately- and could whine about things together. What could be better?

Kagome was still planning how to kill Kikyou and any other woman that encountered InuYasha. She was jealous even just of the time he was spending with men! Luckily, she had chemical sterilization to use on everyone; InuYasha WOULD NOT be able to cheat if no one had the 'drive' to. Being from the future makes life rock but not enough to make her a bright, happy, pure, enjoyable person.

InuYasha began to do the Macarena- not the famous picture of the Virgin Mary in Spain, the dance. Naraku joined in and Sesshomaru in a colorful skirt, tight, wet, bikini top, and the weird fruit hat began to shake it like a Polaroid picture.

"Oye Macarena! Dale a tu cuerpo alegría Macarena. Ehhhhh Macarena!!!"

Kouga sat on the ground, screaming and holding a sign that said, "I love Inu-kun!!11111one234tellTHEpeopleWHATsheWORE!!!!"

"Ahhhhh, it's InuYasha," he screamed in a high-pitched voice that went right through Kagome and Shippo. They winced. Kouga screamed even louder as Inuyasha's boot-ay shook.

"W00000000000000000 Go Naraku! Go Naraku!" All four men were suddenly dressed in low riding jeans, which defied gravity by staying in place right below their bum-bums, their beautiful hair frizzed into dreadlocks, horrible afro-ed or in tight cornrows and bandanas showin' thurrrrr crip cred yo. Loud rap music played as Naraku spun in circles on his head continually.

The song 'Don't Matter' by Acorn came on.

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh dis my beat," Shouted the afro-y Miroku.

"Oh yeahhhhhh, turn dat shit up."

"Wer," replied Sesshomaru. He made a complicated gang sign by twisting his hands into pretzels. The others made the same sign back to him. He 'turned that shit up' and smiled revealing golden grills.

"Ohhhhhh yeah let's sing that bull." The men continued break dancing while singing along to the song.

"Oh Ohoohwooe Oooh ,Ooohhwooe," Sesshomaru did the song's beginning. The others joined in.

"Nobody wanna see us together But it don't matter no (Cause I got you babe) Nobody wanna see us together But it don't matter no," They all sang as they hung off each other.

"Awwww I love ya man!!" InuYasha and Sesshomaru body slammed each other like sumo wrestlers and knocked fists before fiercely hugging.

"Gemme some love son!" Miroku bear hugged Naraku and punched him on the shoulder in a friendly way.

"Ya'll always been thurrrr for me. Gotta give ya'll props."

"Yo' best son or we be puttin' a cap in yo' dome!" They all laughed.

"No I'm serious," said Sesshomaru, "I'll put this baseball cap from Kagome's bag inside your head." Naraku stared open mouthed.

"Ka-GAG-me? Why was there a radio with rap music playing in your bag?"

"I don't know Shit-poop. I listen to angry music which I hate but it's better than all that happy stuff."

Sango was staring at her friends' dilemma and strange behavior while ignoring Jakotsu's pick up lines.

"You know I...have money," Jakotsu tried, with the cheapest line in the book. She turned to him and stared.

Jakotsu was not giving up on feeding her and for the first time in her OOC life Sango was…angry and slightly confused as to why InuYasha was attempting to rap.

The unconcerned Sango whose face was always blank, scowled.

"Run! Runnnnnnnnnnnn!!! We're only 2,344 words into the story and we're already destroying the fourth wall and THE AUTHOR'S NOT MAKING US OOC ANYMORE!!" Kouga figuratively beat the fourth wall separating the real world and anime world before running his fastest to escape the flames. "Run, Run Move bitches get out of my way!! We're going to get attacked by the flames!"

He was engulfed first.

The flames roared along crackling and lighting things on fire. It screamed things such as "OOC SUX," "Stop writing!!! KagInu is teeh best and they love each other!! She wouldn't kill Kikyou!!" "You sick bastard stop writing!!" or the ever popular, "0MG You should die!!!!"

The flames attacked them all while the constructive criticism attempted to negotiate with the OOC characters and the reviewers sat by comforting them, telling them how 'awlsoime' their story was and how the flamers were just jealous.

Every single one of them was f'ed in the A thoroughly.

"Yo! Macarena!!!" shouted InuYasha as the 'I will find you and kill you if you update this story' flame wrapped around his body.

"I knew I would die in a sucky painful way," screamed Kagome as she pouted.

There were no survivors.

Flames lave only desolation and pain.

Answer: Firstly, flaming is bad. You say what you like and then what you did not like with NICE words and positive reinforcement.

OOC or Out of character is a way to put characters into a plot line or pairing they could not be in as themselves. About halfway through at least one chapter a character will act normal (thus disappointing people who like a mean, jealous Kagome or a woman hating Miroku) and the flames will attack. Justly too! No OOC stories are good (except for this one.)

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-I apologize once more for the Naraku and Sesshomaru speech. It was nearly impossible to type Retardian but I believe that I am now fluent. This probably isn't the best chapter but I enjoyed writing it.

-Please, review whether you loved it or hated it, favorite, alert, and add this to your C2s as well!

It'll make me happy and that'll keep me from abusing my friends! Do you want me to abuse them? (Yes.)

**NEXT QUESTION: Why does the promise of lemons (sexual situations) rake in so many reviews? **

That's right, TMA's doin' a lemon. I should get a million reviews for that.


	14. Lemons funded by ShikonNoTama Insurance

**New policy**: R&R for an R&R. It seems fair because many of my reviewers/readers do good work and never get reviews. Now I will help them as they have helped me!

(This goes a bit slow at the beginning but it gets into the infamous TMA humor!)

**Pretty damn long. You're going to need ANOTHER tub of popcorn….make it ultra buttered. **

Anime Questions Answered

WARNING: There will be 'lemons' in this chapter.

If you don't like it then I am sorry and I guess you have to wait for the next chapter. Poor easily offended you.

**QUESTION: Why does the promise of lemons (sexual situations) rake in so many reviews? **

Miroku and Sango were sitting on a hill at sunset.

Naraku had disappeared and was presumed dead, Kohaku had been revived, Kagura free to get it on with Sesshomaru and fly around even though we all know she died in the manga, the jewel was hanging out somewhere just being itself; all that good stuff.

Why no one was with them on such a beautiful, death free evening was a mystery. They were just sitting there enjoying the beautiful rainbow shades of the gorgeous sunset. You know its simple beauty taking their breath away, lovely in all ways, yadda, yadda, etc.

Miroku however was looking at something else gorgeous; his beloved, his one and only, his Sango. For some reason lately, he had been looking at more than her butt. He noticed her beautiful, _**full**_, pink, coral colored lips and her _**shining**_, bright eyes. Her figure was nothing to complain about either with its **dainty** curves and **firm** _**toned**_ muscles.

She was a knockout, ready to knock anything out. That was what he loved about her (well only some of the time, considering that he wanted a free squeeze occasionally.)

Yes, for some reason Miroku decided he truly loved Sango. He wanted her and her alone. Miroku wanted…commitment. The promised ten or twenty children that would come with said 'commitment' were only coincidental.

Sango was not oblivious to Miroku's penetrating stares. It thrilled her that her fiancée could finally look but not touch.

With his sculpted, angel like body and deep, unusually purple eyes, it was incredibly hard to resist that touch. After a while, it was somewhat annoying but Sango would never admit to the thrill that ran through her each time.

Being groped harshly and painfully was after all a huge turn on. Didn't you know?

And so a conclusion can be reached;

He was beautiful,

She was beautiful,

Their babies were gawn to be smokin'.

Miroku cleared his throat breaking the serene tranquility.

"Sango," he began hesitantly.

"Yes Houshi-sama?" Sango remained ever polite and proper using only the honorific term a monk of his stature deserved. When they would finally marry, she could then call him things like 'dear' and other pet names. She had never even said his first name except to herself. And occasionally Kagome. Sometimes to Shippo, InuYasha, Sesshomaru, Naraku, Kohaku, Jakotsu, Bankotsu, the little birdies in the trees and complete strangers. Just never to Miroku. 'Cause it's disrespectful.

"I kinda just decided that the only woman I ever want is you. I WANT TO BE FAITHFUL," he shouted the last sentence, even though it probably should have been whispered in a lust filled way. He paused dramatically as Sango stared at him as though he were on crack.

"Oh and sex is still important so I have to say 'I love you.' Thus so dearest Sango, I love you. Now let us use fancy adjectives to describe each other's eyes!" He clasped her hands and stared deeply into her twin orbs of mahogany.

His purple gems shone brightly. Sango's amazing organs of vision were filled with love. Miroku's visible area of the eye, which allows the power of sight stood out against his ruggedly, handsome face.

"Huh? Can you say that again? I was staring at the pimple on your chin." She pointed to a giant pimple throbbing and infected on his jaw like a huge, red caution sign.

"Um I love you?" It was more of a question as Miroku watched Sango stared intently at his "passage to manhood" in the form of blemishes.

"Oh, really? That's nice." She sat quietly for a moment still staring at the pimple…with hunger.

"YOU'RE MINE!" Miroku grinned on the inside. Saying 'I love you' to a woman really does help! Sango pinned him down.

"Oh no Sango," Miroku cried helplessly, "Don't- not my nipples." He gasped for air. "They're so sensitive. San-

She popped the pimple.

"There, now I feel a lot better." Sango flopped down on the ground in a very unSango like manner and sighed.

"Sango you always knew how to turn me on." She looked him up and down, and wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

They then sat awkwardly for several moments. The sun had set, the crickets chirped for mates and overall it was a midsummer night's dream…Japanese style only none of the stupidity.

Once again, no one questioned why it was sunset and then suddenly close to midnight. Sango must have popped the pimple in slow motion.

"Well um I've touched you in a playful way, and admitted to sexual attraction and you voiced your deep love for me." Sango paused for a moment trying to word the next phrase carefully.

"So we're supposed to enjoy the wild passion of a man and woman?" Miroku nodded.

"We've reached the criteria and even though I am incredibly protective of my womanly maidenhood I will now have sex out of wedlock and possibly become impregnated!" They both nodded professionally and stripped down.

"I, myself, will now admit to being a virgin even though it contradicts my ability to pimp women of higher status in scarcely a moment." He turned to Sango with lust in his eyes and promise of pleasure on his lips.

"Now I will ravage your body in a way only Japanese virgins can!"

Miroku touched her mound. Nothing. He flicked her 'bud of pure pleasure.' Sango yawned. Then he took the mountain of human carnal pleasure and rubbed it to satisfaction. She began to file her nails.

"Um you're supposed to moan and stuff." Sango looked up from her incredibly engaging book.

"Oh I'm sorry this book is really good." She put down 'Cat in the hat' and cleared her throat.

"Alright I'm ready." He poked her on her breast's underside.

"YUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!! BRING IT!!! OH YEAAAA!!" Her back arched and she was instantly covered in sweat. A breeze blew by and dried the liquid, leaving her with horrible, terrible, yucky B.O.

Miroku luckily did not notice or he would have run for the hills in search of another woman. Their circular, globe perfection kept him entranced. With every labored breath, the heavy mounds jiggled causing his blood to circulate from his brain to his organ that caused all feeling and all manly sorrows. His thoughts grew more simplistic as the blood went to his "head" (in this case, the little head) until the most coherent deliberation he had was "boobies he he he."

Then right as he was about to take off the underwear, which did not exist in feudal Japan and had supposedly removed before their wild endeavor, Sango jumped on top of him once more. With a click, furry handcuffs trapped his manly hands behind his manly back.

"Lady Sango, why do you have handcuffs," he asked passively in a manly way. Even though he was not in charge like a manly man would be Sango was still proving her young, maidenly love… with manliness!

"Kagome," she replied simply before spanking him, "And you must call me Mistress."

Miroku's eyes widen and his manly manhood of manhoodness grew exponentially. Which is funny because the average penis in real life is six and a half inches erect and in Hentai it's ten inches so we're talking twenty odd inches of man meat.

(No TMA did that wrong…sorry Mr. Gilmore….)

"Hell yeahhhhh." Sango, who was suddenly dressed in leather bondage, spanked him again with a paddle, with several holes in it. It was drilled for better movement against the wind and more smackage power made the whole experience more shockingly pleasant. And it made a cool whistling noise!

"Call me mistress!!!" She smacked him again. Miroku's smile widened.

"I love you, mistress!" And so they made sweet, kinky love into the night until they both had such bad B.O from their profuse sweating that the soft grass they had been resting their bodies on shriveled up and died.

Naturally, Sango became pregnant and immediately knew the next day. They married and had the twenty or so children promised to Miroku. Fooled ya, he really just wanted sex-not commitment and he got both!

Before their joyous union of wedlock and during their union of flesh several something elses happened.

Kagome and InuYasha were shaking violently and cowering as they heard the smacks and screams coming from the hilltop. Sango and Miroku had been going at it like cats in heat for several hours and Kagome was timing it to see if they would surpass the "Longest Amount of Time Japanese People Spent on Hentai Activities" World Record with ten hours and thirty-two minutes as the highest amount. Sailor Moon and Sailor Venus be damned; they would win!

Kagome was clutching Inuyasha's arm desperately and thus rubbing her well-developed breasts against his taunt biceps.

Naturally, it began to rain as though to throw cold water on Sango and Miroku. It had the opposite effect because who doesn't like sweet; sweet, bondage sex in the cold, driving rain?

Kagome's white shirt (that everyone believes makes her a total slut) immediately became see through. Her bra was white too so naturally there was two pink-nosed puppies covered by gauze and a pretty horny dog too. For some reason Kagome failed to notice her own nipple erection and InuYasha's obvious discomfort.

After all, he knew that despite all her sacrifices for him, her tears, words, kindness, and her admitting to love for him before she tightly hugged him and kissed him, that she would never love a worthless, half-breed. Especially if you ignored that, she was wet, holding onto him for dear life, and about to enter heat in three! Two! One! Attention ladies and gentleman the human version of heat has now been entered. Prepare yourself for some mad smex.

Despite the fact that humans cannot go into heat Kagome went into heat as she always does. Naturally, to InuYasha it smelled sweet, lovely and "oh-my-god-I-wanna-take-you-home-bitchhhh-ish." Bitch being a nice term where he meant that he lurved her fo' eva and wanted to have her babies.

See, Inu is a nice guy! He would put up with male pregnancy just for Kagome. Now _that's_ saying something because dogs have entire litters- sometimes up to ten fuzzy balls of joy (or more.)

Right as InuYasha was about to go full demon on her and totally ravage her body, (even though he had Tessaiga and his life was not in jeopardy) Kouga came by.

And thus a battle as old as time ensued.

"RAWR! My woman," yelled InuYasha as he tugged on Kagome's arm.

"Mine!" Kouga pulled over the other. Kagome swayed back and forth, growing very nauseous.

"Mine!"

"No mine!"

"I said she's mine!"

"Well I KNOW she's mine!"

"You're ugly!"

"You smell funny! And she's minnneeee!" They both tugged harder as the harsh, biting insults flew back and forth.

They continued their manly fight 'till the death when suddenly (and "surprisingly") Kagome threw up.

"Eww, I'm gotta here. I'm gonna go find Ayame. At least she doesn't throw up." Kouga left to go confess his newly found love to Ayame. Kagome continued to hurl.

"Kagome, why are you puking up your intestines?" Wowwweee, InuYasha was concerned about her. How 'bout that?

She turned to him tearfully and jumped into his arms while still puking.

"Oh –hurllll- InuYasha," she sobbed while staining his kimono with bits of ramen and fish. If you are what you eat then Kagome is a fish covered in salt saturated noodles.

"Uh what," he asked intelligently as he enjoyed getting boobs rubbed against his chest again. In every lemon, his chest gets the rub down. He was like a pampered dog.

There was no answer.

"I SAID WHAT GOD DAMN YOU, YOU SEXY WOMAN I WISH TO COPULATE WITH INTO THE NIGHT!" When she didn't reply again he finally looked up.

Why was it that whenever he confessed his love in any form –subtle or not- she was always gone? Why didn't he notice that his chest wasn't being rubbed any more anyways? Why ask all this questions with no answers? Because we can.

"Where the hell are you?" he finally yelled. Obviously, there was no reply because if you are not around, then you don't hear someone, so you can't reply because you didn't hear it in the first place.

Surprisingly despite her absence and inability to hear him Kagome screamed, "InuYasha! Naraku took me for some unknown reason!!"

"Wait I thought he was dead!"

"Who cares about the plot holes!? Come save me!" He paused, actually thinking about the situation for once.

"Okay, I'll make sure to arrive after you've been tortured and almost completely broken in body, mind, and spirit."

"Alright it's a date!" Their first date was InuYasha retrieving her from an evil, psychotic man's grip. At least it was a start.

"Kukukuku hahahaha hohohoho (Merry Christmas) hehehehe Hohohohoh Mwhahahahaha." Naraku was standing in front of a bound-and-gagged Kagome doing his favorite past time- evil laughing.

They were in a stereotypical, evil, dark basement thing. There were all sorts of evil-looking things in the evil, dark basement thing, which made it more evil and dark.

"Why are you holding me here," Kagome asked-demanded. After all, she was in heat and that made her pissy. She just wanted to go back to InuYasha and get it onnnn.

"How can you talk through your gag?" She looked at him.

"Oh right plot holes…ummm…KU KU KU HAHAHAHAHAH WMHAHAHAAHAH!!" He answered his own question before throwing his head back to continue his eerie, evil laughter. Which wasn't too eerie because he kept tehehe-ing.

"Te hehehe giggle giggle giggle! I'm gonna take yo' virginitaaa!"

Then to make himself sound less girly, Naraku pulled off his shirt. Naturally, his God-like body fascinated Kagome. It is after all God-like despite the fact that he was an evil being and almost the exact opposite of a god. But it still fascinated her with you know, the rippling muscles, its solid build that wasn't too 'Arnold Schwarzenegger in his prime.' That would be creepy and no one wants to be creeped out before sex, even if it is with his or her archenemy. She however failed to notice his pink, stuffed bunny tattoo. That was probably a good thing considering the "Creeped out before sex" concept.

"Uhh why? It won't benefit you in any way because it will provide the opportunity to purify you and give me a reason to avenge myself against you!"

"Mhhmmm. Let's just say you can't purify me right now because of that chain around your neck that hasn't been mentioned yet." Kagome sighed. A chain suddenly appeared around her neck.

The reason he wanted to molest her was still unstated and there probably WAS no reason. Is there ever a reason behind Kagome being molested?

"It gets tiresome that you have all these toys that turn InuYasha into a human, that you can physiologically harm Sango using her brother, you could kill Miroku instantly, and that for some reason you can make my unstoppable priestess purifying powers go away."

"I'm Naraku; I can apparently do anything. Now where were we?" Kagome shrugged.

"Something about my virginity?"

"Ah yes." He moved a tentacle towards her. She began to scream like a squawking bird.

It moved closer and closer…and Kagome clenched her eyes shut because for the millionth time she was going to be raped by a tentacle and lose her virginity to Naraku.

She began to scream because verb; it's what you do. Then the tentacle poked her. Kagome opened an eye reluctantly.

It poked her again. A bunch of tentacles appeared and they kept poking her everywhere, her feet, her arms, legs, and just about everywhere PG 13. Suddenly Kagome was über ready for her rape. 'Ready' meaning her screams weren't out of fear anymore.

"Ahhh Yeahh!! Grrrr!! Roarr!!!" This some how translated to "I want you because you undoubtedly turned me on by poking me with really gross appendages that look and smell funny."

"If you insist my dear." The tentacles moved away, as he stepped forward. Now Kagome felt especially horrible for being horny because she spotted the bunny tattoo. She also felt bad because it was Naraku; she was betraying her friends, the hurt InuYasha would feel, etc.

His hand came forward. Everything was tense. All was quiet. When! Suddenly! He groped her left boob, and ran off giggling.

"Hehehe I touched your boobie!!" He continued to giggle, and it made his fluffy, pink bunny tattoo dance around on his chest.

Kagome pouted, and began to scream again. This time it however meant, "Shit InuYasha get me out of here. I'm bored, and Naraku is giggling."

"You bastard!" InuYasha crashed down the stairs heroically. He attempted to jump to the bottom in a sexy, masculine way when his foot caught on the step and he fell all the way down.

"Kagome! I'm here!" He sat up with two of his front fangs chipped, and a bruise forming on his forehead from the fall.

"InuYasha!"

"Kagome!"

"InuYasha!"

"Kagome!"

"InuYasha!"

"Kagome!"

"Naraku!" Kagome and InuYasha paused in their interesting conversation to stare at Naraku.

"Just leave Naraku. No one wants you here." Naraku hung his head, and left the room slowly. His lemon hadn't even been a lemon; it was a lime! He was depressed to no end.

InuYasha unchained Kagome and took her off the stone wall that no one knew she was attached to. He held her by the waist, they stayed still, staring into each other eye's for about three hours before his arms finally fell asleep, and he accidentally dropped her.

She hit the cold ground with an oooofffff. As soon as she recovered, she launched herself into his strong, muscular, manly, toned, built, and strong from years of effort, arms.

"Naraku raped me!"

"Again?" She nodded and somehow forced her breasts to dig even deeper. InuYasha's chest began to bleed from the force.

"Don't let him take me again! I'm so afraid! Please be my pillar of strength while I recover emotionally and physically until we both realize how true our love is and that, we belong together. Then I can finally have consensual sex for once!" He held her up and remained strong before slumping to the ground. His arms were still asleep, dude.

"Being a pillar of strength makes me tired. Can we just skip that and get to the sex? I mean that would take years and you're in heat." Kagome thought about it. She pondered it. While picking something out of her teeth she contemplated the possibilities.

"Well I FEEL pretty healed. Okay!"

They went out into a lovely, flower-filled field in the bright full moon. Butterflies danced through the sky, the grass waved, the flowers smelled good, and over all it was another midsummer's night.

He touched her. She touched him. They both liked it.

The next morning they were very embarrassed though. It was as though they were American virgins, who worried about such things the morning after!

"K-k-k-k-kagome." InuYasha had developed a spontaneous stutter, and could not sound the least bit cocky around Kagome. That's actually funny because "cocky" got him into the trouble in the first place.

"Yes?"

Kagome blushed bright red even though she was not even sitting next to InuYasha, or looking at him, or even within fifty feet of each other. When they woke up, they both vaulted some one hundred feet apart and stayed that way.

"E-e-even t-t-though y-you sh-should b-be in a s-sp-spring a-and na-naked for this, I-I w-w-want t-to s-say t-th-this t-t-to y-y-y-you." Conveniently, the clothing Kagome had been wearing was blown off by a gentle breeze and said breeze knocked her into a spring which just so happened to be there…conveniently.

"Ok…go right ahead." She blushed even harder, which caused her cheeks to turn a strange purplish red. He came around the corner slowly.

She sat in the hot spring waiting for whatever he had to say to her.

"I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I T-t-t-t-th-t-think I l-l-lovvvvv-lovvvvv-loveeeee y-y-y-y-y-yo-you!" Her face became a lovely shade of blueish purple. Kagome had forgotten how to breathe.

"I-it's o-o-ok I kn-know you d-don't f-feel t-the s-same w-way." He did not notice Kagome sitting unconscious underwater.

When he finally looked up bubbles were bursting to the surface as if she were farting. Who knew ramen caused gas? After that thought, he noticed she was drowning and he sprang into action to save her.

"I'm coming Kagome!" Actually, he was "coming" last night but it was only a small mistake. InuYasha noticed his mistake, blushed, and corrected himself.

"I mean, I am on my way to save you Kagome!" That's better.

"Guggle drown bubble bubble drown," Kagome replied. InuYasha almost jumped into the water and waded towards her. Then he realized he had to remove all his clothing so it didn't get wet!

He did so and then jumped back into the water (nekked) to save Kagome.

"I'm here Kagome!" He picked her up and laid her on a well-located rock.

"Wake up Kagome! I love you, I don't want to see ANOTHER woman die!!" He rambled on while sobbed pitifully. Kagome had been awake for about a half an hour when he finally finished his speech.

"K-kagome y-you'r-r-re-re a-a-a-a-alive?" His stutter was alive too! Oh happy days!

"Yes and Inuyasha…I…" she trailed off dramatically, "love you too! Now stop stuttering. It isn't a turn on! Take me now!"

"Yes ma'am!" He suddenly began a full demon, and took her virginity (which she really didn't lose) in the spring.

For some reason Kouga came back for Kagome, saw the whole thing, and was heartbroken at the sight and vowed his revenge. He went to find his only method of VENGEANCE!

Despite the fact that Inuyasha wanted to have HER babies, Kagome ended up pregnant. After about six months, (because obviously demons don't have swollen ankles as long) she had three little bundles of joy. They looked like an adorable mix of both her and InuYasha! For their entire lives, they were never criticized for being three quarter blooded and they lived happily ever after. Hooray, what a perfect ending for our favorite teenage parents!

Around the same time, Kouga had found Ayame handily in a cave near his territory/kingdom.

"Ayame." She looked up to see Kouga just his skirt, staring at her with a primal look in his eyes. This primal look was not because he wanted to plunder villages or kill innocent beings. Actually, he wanted to pillage Ayame's village. Oh yeahhhhhh, Kool Aid.

"I bet you want some of this." He licked a finger, touched it on his inner thigh, and made the hissing noise of a hot stove. For some peculiar reason he wanted to show her how hot he was.

Ayame however was entranced by his vivid farmer's tan.

"Kouga," she breathed, "your arms…and your legs."

"Are rippling with taunt muscles that turn you on? I know." He finished her sentence in the way he thought appropriate, and flashed a radiant smile in her direction.

Kouga sauntered towards her with a saucy attitude.

"Ayame, I've been thinking. We really are meant for each other, and I would like to pile of furs you." He looked at the piles of fur members of the wolves tribe use as beds and growled. "Pile of furs you" meaning "bed you" as in have sex with her. You know make babies, and stuff. Hence, he was not saying he wanted to skin her entire body, and use it as a warm blanket. He ain't into that kinky stuff.

"Let me guess. You left for one second and during that time Kagome was kidnapped by Naraku, InuYasha saved her and you didn't, she chose him because loves him and thinks of you only as a friend despite your efforts to woo her, and now you expect me to just take you back after all the hurt, and pain you have caused me." She crossed her arms, and gave him a reproachful look.

He nodded.

"Okay!" They got naked. Her body was ultra hot; you know, triple Fs that were still perky, nice skin despite her lack of consistent hygiene, long muscular legs, the whole deal.

Kouga flipped off his man-skirt, and thong revealing how truly shocking the farmer's tan was. First, it was dark brown and then suddenly whiteness everywhere. His butt was like snow!

Ayame was horrified but immediately felt better when she saw his broad chest, chiseled upper arms, muscley thighs, and a nice big package! Who doesn't love packages?!

For some reason she used her mouth on the package. …Funny, most people use their hands to open it.

Either way it didn't take long for Kouga to say he was finished, and that she did a good job. Most people say "unwrapped" or "untied" and who the hell congratulates someone on unwrapping a giant package?! But Ayame and Kouga are demons, and demons do weird things!

Like all sexual intercourse, he touched her, and she touched him. Unlike most cases, they both got pleasure from it, and actually wanted to do it again, and again…and again. Thus meaning it was some damn good lemon! Nice and tart.

The sun rose and set several times before the two demons finally ran out of stamina. It seems to be the case for all demons. ANYONE would pick InuYasha because of it. He's got cute ears, hot bod', and stamina.

"Wow, I'm tired."

"Me too." They both sighed, and cupped both hands behind their heads.

"I'm ready again."

"You?"

"Hell yeah!" The earth rotated, revolved around the sun, the sun rose and set, and days passed again before Ayame was finally pregnant.

It seems you have to be pregnant for the "Game Over" sign to flash.

"Oh Kouga! We have a child and you love me!" Kouga didn't remember admitting that he loved her but he went along with it.

Poor Kouga didn't have the strength to fight.

Ayame's "stamina" and Fatherhood to twelve did not leave him energy. His will was lost to sex. Ayame had won.

In another part of Japan close by the forest was alive with sounds. Somewhere nestled in the trees and bushes another happy couple did what all couples like to do-sleep.

Sesshomaru sighed quietly, and rolled over in his pink, silk sheets. He cuddled up against the smaller form next to him in bed.

"Mmmmm I, Lord Sesshomaru, just woke up. Ready yet for more of my, Lord Sesshomaru's sweet, tender, really hot and sexy, demon love?" He began kissing the figure's neck, and moaning in a not stoic, unlike Sesshomaru way. People really do act different when they're horny…

"Baby I'm still tired besides Rin has been complaining of noises disturbing her sleep."

"That girl has sharp ears. Just like us, Lord Sesshomaru and Jaken." Sesshomaru snuggled even closer and kissed Jaken squarely on the lips. Their tongues did that weird dance-wrestling thing before they broke apart, gasping for air.

"Lord Sesshomaru, Rin is sleeping on the other side of the fireplace. Rin will hear you no matter how softly you commit such vile acts." She left the proximity, disgusted and wide eyed from seeing an ugly imp, and Sesshomaru naked.

"Well that is taken care of. Now we, Lord Sesshomaru and Jaken, don't have to be quiet." Jaken giggled at the statement, and moved deeper into Sesshomaru's strong arm.

"Why do you love me?" he asked softly, with his love shining hotly in his beady, ugly eyes.

"Because you are beautiful to this Lord Sesshomaru." Sesshomaru gave a rare smile and poked Jaken's misshapen nose.

"Why do you think I wove you, you wittle, sexy thing you!" Sesshomaru asked before kissing Jaken's neck again.

Jaken sighed, and enjoyed his Lord's fangs grazing his neck, and the bleeding that it caused. The blood poured everywhere and made Sesshomaru even less Sesshomaru like, and hornier.

"M' lord because short demons can do it standing up!"

"Exactly." He moved closer to Jaken. Ungodly sounds then filled the air.

In the distance, Rin screeched as she their joyous union of body, spirit, and flesh tainted her mind. She was also upset because she had caught her lovers, Kohaku and Shippo, going at it. That was ok; everyone knew she was destined to be with Kaede. The sexual tension was just BAM!

Rin was wandering around outside a village waiting for Sesshomaru and Jaken to finish their 'lovely expedition.' She accidentally ran into someone.

"Hey baby. How you doin'?" Kaede gave Rin the one over before licking her lips.

Rin's face was one filled with horror.

"What you doin' tooonighttt?" She began to thrust her pelvic bones. One popped out of place in mid-thrust.

"Owww!!!" Kaede fell to the ground. "My 'Feudal Life Insurance" will refuse to cover this! I should switch to "Shikon no Tama Insurance!" They treat you like family, answer your every wish, and give you superhuman powers! Thanks Shikon no Tama Insurance!" She gave a thumbs-up, and winked in the direction of an unknown audience.

"I'll help you." Rin put her hand on Kaede waist and pushed her hip back into place. As the pop of her hip being put back into place sounded, they looked deeply into each other's eyes/eye.

A charge of sexual tension when from Kaede's injured hip through Rin's hand. It circled around them, awaking feelings Kaede had lost in her early fifties to the horrors of menopause and those that Rin had previously not experienced.

"I'm fine and actually, I'm doing nothing tonight. Would you like to change that?" Rin whispered.

"I would." Rin hissed saucily, and moved her hand like a cat scratching someone. Kaede traced a woman's curvy figure in the air before smacking it where the butt would be.

They both moved closer together, and Kaede changed Rin's night for sure!

And so everyone made love into the night, the morning, the afternoon, and the next night again, for the rest of their lives. Until Kaede died of exhaustion and they had to stop for a little while, so they could attend the funeral.

**ANSWER:** Most of us fanficies are strange beings. Unable to find our partners we turn to stories where nonexistent beings experience something called 'sexual intercourse.' Most pretend tentacles are tainting them and loving every moment while others wish it were they in the m/m/m threesome. An author harnesses their desperateness and gives them exactly what they want to read, thus receiving many reviews for colorful language and for merely rewriting clichés.

So...did you get what you wanted? XD

¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Sadly, most of those were more lime than lemon…sadly.

Onto the thanking and what not:

**Kometara42**: The first mention in the "Reviewer Thank You Thingy" is your prize. YAY you! By the way, thank you for the mass amount of reviews, I am not worthy.

**La Auteur De Fantaisie**: Thank you for adding me to your favorite authors. Also, is your pen name French?

**Kara422**: Was this interesting enough? I said vowed because I promised to never post just a large author's note. It makes me sad that I have lost my "author's notes only chapter" virginity.

**HoshiToTsuki:** I based it off the theory of Large Words And Scientific Phrases which states that I can do what ever I want. XD Well actually I figured that if there was pressure building up and Miroku forcing the pressure then it would cause a blowout like when you shake a soda and open it. Oh, my god...you just asked a sensible question about a pointless story and I HAD a sensible answer...What have I become?

**Kanesho**: I'll take it into consideration but if it calls to me then I will answer.

**Serenityrain2233**: Fan fiction messed the format up so I reposted the story properly. You always review so that's what happened to the chapter and your review!

**Aangsfangirl1214: **Pervert! This is a humor/parody!!! What kind of sex will there be?!

**Nekoluver:** You hurt my feelings for a moment. I sniffled. But I should have known you would not turn on me! I dare say this would be a mixture of vodka, cocaine, marijuana, and "sugar." In addition, I think cocaine and crack count as the same thing. I'm not too sure because I avoid expertise in that field.

Thank you my lovely reviewers!! Review—nicely as opposed to rudely! You no like then you tell why.

-TMA

Also if you are looking for a horrible read that you will absolutely gag over, check out this: http:// www. fanfiction. net/s/3477559/1/

Just take out the spaces and read away. Don't cry over the pain.


	15. CANDAYY isnt sweet at all

You guys, have no idea how sorry I am for holding on to this for so long. I apologize and I will try to get the next chapter up more quickly. My internet was messed up so I had to work on that too and time flies, you know?

This is one of the last chapters for a little while. You can check why in my profile. I'll try to get one more chapter up before I go on vacation for two weeks, and then another two or three after that, before I go to...FLORIDA! WOOOO

Anime Questions Answered

Question: What would the InuYasha characters do on American Idol?

The gang was rapidly approaching the final jewel shard. Naraku was restrained at the time and they would finally be able to crush him with that final piece! Spirits were high and so were egos.

"Yeah I did it!!"

Kagome looked at InuYasha blankly and said one of her first reasonable statements in this entire series. "InuYasha we aren't even there yet."

Everything stopped to stare at her.

"S-she's right." Shippo exclaimed to prove he still mattered and should not be forgotten. InuYasha shrugged.

"So? I still did it!! Did you see the way I killed him? Wow! It was like poetry in motion!!"

They were growing closer…and closer when suddenly a weird looking girl with hair in annoying pigtails and too small eyes, who was obviously NOT Japanese appeared.

"Wanna like go on my show that I don't really own but am imitating in my basement using my daddy's credit card for the money?!!?!?!" she asked intelligently giving them no choice but to say yes because of how articulately she worded it. This weird, non-Japanese girl was quite the debater.

"No!! I'm busy going over how I defeated Naraku in my head!!" InuYasha furrowed his eyebrows and continued imagining it.

"Put on the dress Naraku. Now dance slave! Dance!!" He began to laugh hysterically. Kagome smiled lovingly because it was the first laugh they had ever shared together. This was also the first approach by an American/an idiot, the first chance to defeat Naraku and not let him get away, and their first time at getting the last jewel shards. They had so many firsts together that day!

"My name's CAN-DAYYY!!!! And I'm so glad you want to go on my show!!!!"

"Go away wench!" He went back to his giggling. Candy gave him her insulted, bitchy face.

"We may… if you will bear my children." Miroku coped a feel and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"I'm like ten years old…LOLZ I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD GET GROPED BY MIROKU!! I can't wait until I tell my local police station, my teachers (who are like mandated reporters of sexual abuse), my friends, my friends' friends, my friends' parents, my dadddddyyy, my uncles, Congress, the Senate, and like all the big news stations!" He backed away horrified.

"Jailbait!! Not again! No more jailbait for me! Not after Koharu, and Ai and that girl whose name I don't know! Go away! We don't want to partake in your demon show!" Miroku squealed like a piglet, and hide behind Sango.

"Who is Ai?" she asked suspiciously. Her fiancé really was sacred scum.

"No one?" She pushed him into Candy, and walked away.

"Hiiiiiii." Candy winked and snuggled into his arms using a powerful glomp. Miroku whimpered and wondered if his holy powers would purify her. Then he remembered The Monk Guidebook and rule number 69 (double entendre the poor guy) which says _"You lose your holy powers for three weeks after you grope a ten year old girl named Candy who wants you on her television show."_

She flipped one of her overly long pigtails and got it caught in Shippo's eye.

"My eye!! The products in this hair are burning my eye to death!!!!" Candy gasped while having that total bitch look on her face.

"For making fun of my repeatedly dyed, frizzed out from straightening products and irons, split-end galore hair you HAVE to like go on my show!"

Meanwhile Sango vented to Kirara.

"I can't believe him!"

"Meow."

"You're right…"

"Meow!! Me-ooowww!!"

"I know! We haveee Girl power! Who needs him anyways? I say: Power to women!"

"...meow."

Kirara pranced off, eager to escape her owner. Why was she stuck with the psycho woman while Shippo got the cute, futuristic, girl who gave him treats?

"Wait! I need you!!"

"Meow."

"Don't use such language with me young kitty!"

Kagome and InuYasha were actually trying to defeat Naraku. You know doing their job. Wow what a concept.

"InuYasha, I've got the jewel shards! We can finally beat Naraku!" Kagome yelled.

"Alright! I'm going to go beat up Naraku!" He ran over to Naraku and proceeded to beating him up.

"Wet willy!"

"Oh god no!" Naraku began to cry. "I-I'll give you the jewel shards just- please don't give me a wet willy!"

He handed them to InuYasha with a trembling, crybaby hand. Then he sniffled, grabbed his Kikyou plushy that Kagura had bought, and curled into the fetal position. Rocking back and forth calmed him into sleep, at which point he began to snore with a loud whistle. He began to talk in his sleep.

"Mummy, I-I don't want to wear the pretty dress. Please don't make me. I hate pink. It makes my skin look washed out. No!" He paused and thrashed around on the grass. Uncle Daisuke, noooo!" InuYasha's eyes widened and he backed away from Naraku, carefully making sure he did not turn away-all human eaters strike when you turn your back.

Well Naraku absorbed humans but mostly animals, his creations, inanimate objects, fluffy bunnies, Bambi, and nature but that wasn't the point. He was still creepy and smelt funny.

Kagome ran to InuYasha and passionately embraced him. He held her tightly as well. The air was suddenly hot with sexual tension even though Kagome wasn't in heat, in a hot tub, or naked and InuYasha wasn't suddenly full demon, but it was all good.

"We did it," InuYasha breathed, as he held her close. He suddenly held her more tightly and grew angry. She had been nowhere near the so-called fight but he almost lost her! "You idiot. Getting in the way like that! You could have been killed," he shouted as he repeated something he had said in some previous fight.

"But I'm fine." He looked down at her.

"You almost weren't" Kagome wanted to comfort him, so she leaned in and moved slowly towards his lips. They were an inch (or .3 meters) away and growing closer. Their eyes closed and their lips touch-

"AHHHHH LIKE TRANSPORT!!" Candy used her transporting powers (which actually worked for once) and carried them all away. In her shock, Kagome dropped the jewel fragments that had fused in her hands.

Naraku woke up from his horrible nightmares with a start. He wiped the cold sweat from his face and stretched. The nightmares were horrible; they had old memories that had haunted him from his childhood, and some absurd thing about InuYasha and his friends stealing the jewel shards from him and kicking his butt.

Then he remembered. That HAD happened. He must have died and ended up in hell. Naraku's eyes grew wide in a shocked way, not the "I'm-Japanese-and-in-an-anime-get-over-it" way.

He looked around. There were flowers blooming in the field, birds were chirping, deer grazed on the grass, unicorns ran around underneath a rainbow, the sunshine shone down while wearing sunglasses and a smile, trees rustled in the breeze. Naraku began to scream. This was hell.

He curled back up into the fetal position. His uncle and mother would appear soon with a dress. It would be the pink one with the frills, from his childhood.

He rolled over onto his back and felt something hard pulsating and poking his back. Oh god now THAT memory was happening?

Sniffling, he rolled off it; maybe this time he could run before they caught him. When he looked down, he saw something significantly smaller, and less a traumatic part of his childhood than he had expected.

"It's the entire jewel!! I am now GOD OF THIS WORLD!!" He threw his head back and laughed evilly as he became drunk with power.

So he took over the world and became a power-alcoholic god. InuYasha and his friends were not there to stop him and he killed all the happy bunnies.

God damn his black soul.

Candy and her slaves-the InuYasha party- appeared on a stage obviously made by cheap labor. Flipping her hair Candy tried to land gracefully but fell on her face and got splinters up her nose. The audience cheered loudly. InuYasha landed perfectly and caught Kagome. The audience "awed" loudly as they spied on the very personal moment between the two.

Miroku and Sango landed in a messy pile so the audience laughed because secondary character relationships aren't as cute as the main character's romances and usually serve as comic relief. Really, who cares about their lives and how intricate they make the storyline as long as InuYasha and Kagome have some fluff time?

Candy popped back up quickly, pulled the shards of wood out of her nose, and turned to the audience and unfortunate victims.

"Thank you! Thank you!" As soon as she had uttered "t" the first time the audience grew silent. "Oh please stop! You're all too much!" Even the crickets refused to chirp and dust balls would not roll across the stage.

Candy sighed and snapped her fingers. A Mexican woman sighed sadly and flipped on the "clap" sign. It was the only work she found and Maria, the sign flipper-on-er, wished she had chosen a sweatshop instead.

The audience did not comply.

Finally, a woman stood up and said, "Please let us go! My son is very sick with tuberculosis and you kidnapped me on my way to the drug store! I'm a single mother and I don't have any family or friends nearby; he'll die if I don't get home soon!" She began to weep pitifully. Another woman next to her hugged the sobbing mother and tried to comfort her.

She glared at Candy and mouthed, "you monster." Candy smiled in return and snapped her fingers again. This time an Asian man with the word "slave" tattooed on his forehead was the switcher-turner-on-er.

A trap door appeared beneath the women and they fell through. Their scream of anguish as the crocodiles ate them filled the basement/stage area. Candy turned to face the audience completely. She grinned widely and her head rotated three-hundred-and-sixty degrees before snapping back into place.

"All right let's get started!!" She turned to InuYasha. He whimpered before standing in front of Kagome to protect her.

"I won't let you hurt my friends." The audience sighed collectively. Candy clicked her tongue and gasped.

"You like don't do that for me!!" She threw her hair over her shoulder and got Shippo in the other eye. He rolled around on the ground sobbing hysterically.

"We hate you," came from a distant voice from the back of the spectators. She snapped her fingers and the Asian Man turned another switch with a skull-and-bones symbol on it. Soon the rebellious man's screams filled the room.

"Uhh that's like the twelfth butler I've had to dispose of. Well what eve'" She face InuYasha again.

"You're up first on…." She paused and waited for the audience to shout, "InuYasha Idol."

The silence grew as she waited with an expecting look on her face. "What eve'. You have to sing and then our judges will like judge you coz judges are supposed to judge!" No one laughed at her supposedly funny statement.

She pointed happily to Sesshomaru, Jaken, and Kagura. InuYasha glared at all three, wondering which one he should kill and/or insult first. Then he noticed Jaken and Sesshomaru playing footsy while Kagura watched jealously and all thoughts, except of vomiting his intestines up, flew from his mind.

"Ewwwwwwwww," he began in a singsong voice while jumping up and down, "that's so gross. I can't belieeeeeeeeeevvveee I'm seeing this! This is sooo gross and I like to kill things in gorey wayyysss! How could you, Sessshooommmarrrruuuu?" He stopped, took a deep breath, and passed out.

Candy squealed and hopped up in the air while getting a peace sign and cheering.

"That was BEAUTIFUL! It was so full of EMOTION but you were like supposed to sing, "Who Let the Dogs Out" or some emo song like a cliché story says you would!" InuYasha stared and wondered when the hell he had sung Slipknot or that Adam and Andrew "Emo Kid" song and why he would sing about dogs being let out and who had done it. "Judges what do you have to say?"

"This Lord Sesshomaru is inclined to believe this idiot; InuYasha sang this song because of his desire to live up to my standards. It was not enough to even be a shadow of my glory." Candy stared at Jaken.

"Dawg, I have to agree with my lord!" Jaken smiled at Sesshomaru and kissed him on the cheek. The soft sound of regurgitating came from the audience; minor character relationships are disgusting enough, but male/male supporting characters? Pass the bucket.

Kagura rolled her eyes and filed her nails. They were already bloody and almost nonexistent but she continued to file, out of boredom. "He was fine. And Candy! You had better remember our deal for my participation in this damned thing!" She pointedly looked at Sesshomaru and wiggled an eyebrow. Candy wiggled one in return.

"Ok. Now it's your turn Kagome!" Kagome shook in her knee socks.

"Um. No?" Candy hissed and revealed dagger-like fangs.

"Sing, my pretty, SING." Candy threw a microphone at her. It missed Kagome's hand completely and hit Shippo upside the head. He moaned pitifully as he continued trying to wipe Candy's hairspray, mousse, hair gel, and other styling products from both bleeding eyes.

"F-fine…A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z?" She finished off questioningly.

Candy clapped and jumped into the air. "Alright! I didn't have to use electrocution to get either of you to sing! I had to do that on my last show…Did you know too much electricity cooks small animals?" She pointed to the charred-black body of Hamtaro and all of his friends. Shippo and Kirara looked at each other (in Shippo's case he looked in the general direction because he could hardly see) and gasped. THEY were small animals!

"N-no I didn't know that…" Miroku said as he snuggled behind Sango's back in a manly way of defending himself. He saw the opportunity and naturally, he did what came as second nature. Miroku groped her; the audience laughed at the running gag.

Sango slapped him. "PORNOGRAPHY," she shouted at him.

"Pornography?" Kagome asked, "Don't you mean "Hentai?""

Sango stared at her as if she was the biggest 'baka' in the entire world. "Oh kami with ramen-chan you baka. Hentai DOES mean pornography. I'm just supposed to say it that way because we are Japanese and no one here knows the correct words." Kagome's mouth became an "o" of understanding.

"In that case…SHIPPO YOU ARE SO KAWAII. KIRARA YOU'RE SO KAWAII. JAKEN YOU'RE SO- She stopped herself and said, "Interesting?"

Candy completely ignored the stupidity she was slowly poisoning them with and turned to the judges.

"What do you guys thiiiiiiiinnnkkk?:" She flipped her pony tail and drew out the word "cutely."

"This Sesshomaru would like a bonus for putting up with such horrible events passed off as "talent.'"

"Yo dawg. As long as you're happy." Jaken said because he was the neutral judge.

"It was fine." Kagura filed her nails even more and was quite close to hitting an artery…in her upper arm. Her nails, fingers, and wrists were pretty much gone from all the filing.

"That's all the time we have for now." She paused and waited for everyone to sigh sadly. When no one did, she did her trademark tongue click and insulted, bitchy face. "What eve' we'll finish going through everyone tomorrow." She waited for applauding and when none happened, she snapped her fingers twice and walked off stage.

Sesshomaru and Jaken stared at each other before diving into each other's arms and launching under the table for some alone time. Kagura listened to them with obvious jealousy.

As soon as Candy was offstage, a cage fell over the InuYasha group and a larger one encased the entire audience. The lights went out with a sudden click.

The audience sighed and slumped into less defensive positions; you can't turn your back or let your guard down- around man-eaters and not the ones in that song by that Nelly chick. We're talking rawr, eat your head because they're hungry, not use you for money, leave you after a few heavy nights.

A few people began to cry before being hushed by a stereotypical old man with a peg for a left leg and an eye patch. He should have dated Kaede.

"Quiet all ye' bawlers!" Kaede and creepy guy sittin' in a tree…K-I-S-S-I-N-G….

"We have no reason to live!!" It was true; Candy never fed them and they had nowhere to go after an episode finished so she left them there. Live sucked and everyone knew it.

"Shut yer moufs!!!" Wow, he and Kaede could talk for hours about their speech impediments! "We have a chance…with them!" He pointed at InuYasha (who had had an "oh shit" look on his face) and then continued by reciting the entire freedom dialogue from "Brave Heart" with his own occasion strange substitution for a word like 'yer' for 'your' etc.

"Whut do ya say bowy?" InuYasha looked more confused than usual so Kagome translated.

"He said, "What a man toy." Wait a minute… what a man toy! Hey he's mine!!" Kagome's translator was out-of-date. The sad group who would not have to be an audience until six central, merely stared at the touching, lovey, and defensive site.

"I said, "whut do you say BOY." The man rolled his eyes before snapping his fingers in a Z-formation. "Duh." He then repeated their plan of freedom.

Kagome shrugged. "So sorry and we're in! Now all we have to do is wait."

Mysteriously, it became the next day in about twenty minutes. Reality is a fickle thing. Everyone was prepared to fight for their freedom. The old eye patch, wooden leg guy (whose name was Eye Patch, Wooden Leg Larry) painted his face half white and half blue. He was VERY ambiguous.

Candy suddenly appeared in a swirl of sparkles. The sparkles were, of course, created by Candy forcing the Asian Man to turn on a fan (rhyme!!) and pour sparkles in front of it so they swirled around her. Everyone was supposed to be in awe but the majority of people were staring at Shippo who had gotten some sparkles of doom in his eyes. He cried out to his father asking what he did to deserve such injustice. Clouds began to form high in the rafts of the building and a light broke through.

"I am sorry Shippo," His father said in that spiritual, coming from heaven, voice, "But something about you pisses God off." The clouds disappeared, and while Shippo looked at where his father had been God put a "kick me" sign on his back.

Miroku saw the temptation and tried to resist it but like Sango's butt, it was too great for him. He giggled happily, as he kicked Shippo. Shippo flew off the stage into the audience. The magic marker the sign had been written in was still wet and smeared into the word "Kill me." A deep, loud, holy chuckle filled the "InuYasha Idol" stage; God was enjoying himself.

The audience was too emaciated to move forward and kill him so Shippo remained safe…for now.

Suddenly, Candy appeared in the usual swirl of sparkles made using a fan, slave labor, and a box of sparkles from a craft store. She gave everyone a dazzling smile The whitening product burned their eyes and Shippo's began to bleed again.

"Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, I'm back!!!" Even Sango looked afraid. "Welcome back to…" Why does she even try anymore? "InuYasha Idol!" She finally decided not to include the audience like a good host would. "I'm your host, Candayyy! These are our contestants!" She pointed to the group.

"Hi." Kagome waved.

"Those are our judges!" She jumped up and down in front of Sesshomaru, Kagura and Jaken.

Sesshomaru's expression did not change. "I will crush you all." Jaken looked at him adoringly and Kagura just looked at him. She definitely liked him but being an evil, psycho bitch gave her the ability to hide all emotion!

"Now we are going to have duets."

"Wait," Sango said, "I haven't sung, and neither have Miroku nor Shipp- Candy's eyes glowed red and she grew large, dangerous fangs.

"Secondary character are not as good as the main characters. Do not oppose me!" Her voice was raspy, evil, demonic and anything else that sounds not so wicked good. She smiled happily again "So let's get started with InuYasha and Kagome." InuYasha and Kagome sighed, collectively. Didn't they know Kagome was going to end up with Miroku, Sesshomaru, or some other unexpected man or that InuYasha was somehow meant for Sango? Canon pairings are SO last year.

They took the pink, "Kareoke at Home" microphone, and looked at Eye Patch, Wooden Leg Larry. EPWL Larry nodded and made a long, trilling noise.

"WE FIGHT FOR FREEDOM!" He ran towards the stage. No one was behind him. "We fight!" His face was suddenly painted half-blue, and half-white.

"Oh my god! Another rebellion?" Candy snapped her fingers. "Chow, ching, clang Lee.Kung pow chicken! Maria arriba, dias tacos, burritos! Dio mios!" She spoke to the Lee, Asian Man, and Maria, the Spanish Woman in their native languages. They did not move; Candy's translator was more out of date than Kagome's and she had just insulted them in the worst ways possible.

She had said; "You are worthless Lee! I would rather eat chicken than any of your native dishes! Maria, you look like day old tacos and burritos! My god!"

Lee and Maria painted their face blue and white. In their respective languages, they shouted freedom. They ran with Eye Patch, Wooden Leg Larry towards Candy.

Candy looked at the InuYasha group. "You started this! You all are like soooo disqualified." She snapped her fingers. Maria was home in Spain, Lee was suddenly in China, and Eye Patch, Wooden Leg Larry was in a candle lit, roses filled, and romantic restaurant with Kaede. Candy's aim was off; she had been shooting for a coffin.

Kaede wiggled her fingers saucily in a flirting way. Eye Patch, Wooden Leg Larry growled and wiggled his thick, caterpillar eyebrows. They sat down at a heart-shaped table and drank glasses of red wine, laughing the night away. They DID talked about their speech impediments!

Rin stared through the window heartbroken; she thought they had something even though Kaede hadn't called after their wild endeavor even though she promised. She sighed and wondered when Sesshomaru and Jaken would return from their spa vacation in Hawaii. At least that's what the note said. Rin wondered why she had never noticed that Sesshomaru dotted his Is with hearts or that he accidentally signed Candy often.

Back with InuYasha and his home fries, Candy she snapped her fingers again. Every member of the audience appeared in their homes; most died on the way from starvation and dehydration. Thanks 'InuYasha Idol' for killing hundreds of people! We love you for it!

The single mother's skeleton was transported back to her sick child's room.

"Mommy!" The little boy began to cry hysterically. Oh, the joy "InuYasha Idol" had brought to his life!

Candy turned to the confused InuYasha, the also confused Kagome, Miroku who was eyeing Sango's butt and ignoring the dire situation, Shippo who was using eye drops to remove the hair, hair products, sparkles, and other things, and Sango who was keeping her butt a safe distance away from her fiancé. Kirara had searched the basement to seek a litter box. Eventually, she found Candy's prized sand box behind a set of lights; a feline smile crossed her face as she did was demon kitties do. She pranced back in, content from her little journey, and sat down next to Shippo.

"Okay, now that you're all accounted for, I can use my evil wrath!" She turned around to put in her voice changer, her fake fangs, and red eye contacts. She turned back and Shippo screamed shrilly because he was finally able to see and he didn't like what he saw. "You all have violated your rights to be on this show by forming a rebellion."

InuYasha moved his hands and head slowly as to say exactly what he said next. "Yeah…and your point is?" She screeched loudly and he hid behind Kagome. "Okay, I get you."

"You will all now be sent home in shame! May God have mercy on your souls upon your deaths!" Shippo heard a loud cackle from above and he knew he would receive no mercy for reasons unknown.

"Good like bye." She snapped her fingers and sent them home.

How…anticlimactic.

As they disappeared, Kagome remembered she had a bow and arrows and fired it at Candy. Candy stumbled backwards and landed in her sand box/Kirara's litter box. She landed in "liquid" so to speak. Since Kirara is a little kitty, she mostly drinks water, meaning that's basically what Candy landed in. Ew.

Candy screamed and cried out, "I'm melting, I'm melting! Oh what a world, what a world!" All that was left was her Abercrombie and Fitch clothing, her fake brilliant white teeth, and her oober processed hair. Mhm, she wasn't a maneating freakoid! She was a witch! And she wasn't a normal witch; she was a dead witch!

YAY CLIMATIC ENDING!

The gang appeared in their beloved Feudal Japan.

"Alright we made it back home!" They all made peace signs, cheered, and InuYasha and Kagome were about the passionately embrace when they noticed they were in the middle of No man's land. Naraku had totaled everything. The world was a dark place and there was no reason to live.

"InuYasha Idol" had destroyed their world, as they knew it. Candy had won and so had Naraku.

There was nothing left but emo angst.

ANSWER: Jack. Shit. They sing songs people find cute and that really "like cover their relationship" or their "lives and personalities!!" Sesshomaru is often the "Simon" of the show and critiques their performances. The ending is anticlimactic and we always know what's coming.

**¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

I replied to most people who reviewed in Private Messages but to the anonymous and those who added me to their favorites and did not review;

**Moonpie**: Well I'm glad that I turned you to the dark side. It really is an enjoyable place, isn't it?

**BoredGirl17**: Thank you for adding AQA to your alerts and favorites. Much appreciated.

**Thefoxygrl**: I like reviews but it really is a compliment to be added to someone's favorites. Thank you!

Once again, thank you and please review!

-TMA


	16. Walt is turning in his grave

Hey guys. Well I have two semi-important things to say.

One; a friend of mine released my real name on to the internet (twice, in reviews) despite the fact that I told all my friends not to. Go ahead read her stories but don't start defending her; I've had enough of that because we worked it out.

To continue number one, if you can find my name then good for you. TheMysteriousAuthoress likes being mysterious and she's going to stay that way. Aiight sweeties?

Secondly, I know the last chapter probably wasn't up to par. It was more of an experiment and I would appreciate feedback on how to improve. This is partially an experiment too.

**And**** I don't own '****Aho****' (****JLo****) or '****Frankfurt ****Killton****' (Paris Hilton.)**

Enjoy (if you are inclined to) and please review!

AQA TMA AQA

**QUESTION****: Do other characters notice when someone is possessed? **

Kagome was walking through the forest on a brightly lit, early afternoon. InuYasha had actually let her go because she was getting 'ninja food.' How the hell did they decide ramen and other salty, calorie-filled, really bad for you by-products were eaten by ninjas, some of the healthiest and physically fit people in feudal Japan? The world may never know.

She was humming, skipping, and just being happy when a big, scary demon showed up. It looked at Kagome with craziness in its horrible eyes, and its laughter stunned her.

"RAWRRR," rawred the monster. Its hideousness terrified Kagome and her eyes grew wide with fear. She looked around for help.

A police station stood to her left, a demon extermination village was an inch behind her; random men with large muscles and weapons were checking out her 'hawt bode'; she was tightly gripping her bow and arrows , a knife was strapped to her calf beneath her sock, and she had an oozi Grandpa had given to her for her birthday slung over one shoulder. She came to a horrible conclusion; she was trapped, alone, and utterly defenseless.

"Ahhhh," ahhhhhed the Kagome. She screamed in fear at the evil monster's rabid evilness. It moved towards her; she moved back. Her back was against the Great Wall of the Extermination Village. The Japanese were jealous of the Chinese so they made a wall too.

Long story short, the demon possessed her. You know, like 'The Exorcist" and other satanic things. Minus the screaming, flying objects, 666 carved into the walls, and other scary things. This was a non-Christian demon so it was Buddhist about possessing people; drink sake with them as you take over their soul!

The demon/possessed Kagome walked slowly back to the village. As she/it walked, she/it rapidly shot the woodland creatures with the oozi.

"Mother," cried Bambi-sama as he looked with horror at his dead mother's body.

"Your mother is gone Bambi," said his father in a deep, masculine voice, "you are alone in the world." He pranced away but before he was out of sight, his father was devoured whole by the possessed Kagome.

"Father! Mother!" Bambi-sama began to cry pitifully.

"You are alone, get over it," said the possessed Kagome. She left the weeping, depressed, in need of Prozac, baby deer and continued on to the village. Bambi-sama finally picked himself up off the ground and went to his and his friends' favorite flower field.

Every flower in the field was covered in Thumper's, Flower's, Owl's, Faline's, and everyone else's blood and guts. Possessed Kagome had killed them all. Bambi-sama began to cry again and never recovered.

Damn Possessed Kagome's possessor who was the REAL evil, bad guy, killer, demon thing. Yeah…to that hot place.

She/it slowly walked back to the village. When she reached Kaede's hut she silently and mechanically sat down. InuYasha sat up on his knees like a dog.

She didn't say a word.

He began to roll over cutely. It worked on his mother, why not Kagome?

Her eyes had not blinked in over five minutes. She was in the same position as when she first sat down. Nothing had changed and InuYasha was growing cranky.

He started jumping up and down, whining hysterically. With his clawed hands, he pawed the group at her feet, and gave his best puppy eyes.

Kagome's mouth hung open (not many people have muscle control while possessed) and drool was pooling at her feet.

InuYasha began to sniffle like a depressed puppy until he heard a small, Jamaican voice below him say, "Hey man. It's better down where it's wetter take it from me! Under the sea, under the se-

"Oh boy, crab!" InuYasha reached to grab Sebastian but he was nowhere to be found. He heard a crunch and looked up to see Kagome's mouth moving rapidly as she chewed something hard and possibly with a shell while Reggae music played. It was the tell tale signs of someone eating a raw, not boiled, uncooked, never been near a stove long enough to be baked, crab…from Jamaican.

"Hey," he yelled at her angrily. Kagome stopped chewing the screaming crab, stared at him with unseeing eyes, and then began to chew again.

"Muhn, this is weak! I should have stayed underwater da sea!" The chorus echoed, "under the sea." Then he sang, "Baby it's better down where it's- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Oh GOD da pain, muhn!"

Kagome crunched once more and Sebastian's song stopped; the Reggae continued though. She swallowed and ceased all movement.

"You ate my crab and now you don't have ninja food!" He began to bark angrily at Kagome. Her face remained void of all emotion as she sat, saying nothing, and doing nothing.

Inside her mind though, she would not shut up and the demon was getting frustrated.

"Ew; I ate crab! Raw Jamaican crab at that! And InuYasha is soooo sad, oh my god! My one true, summer, young, perfect, forever, once upon a time pain, star-crossed, teenage, opposites attract, love-hate relationship, Valentine, spring-winter, hurt-comfort love is in pain and I caused it! This is horrible! I need to apologize. Poor InuYasha." She rambled on about her love and the adjectives that described it.

The demon's eye was twitching. Kagome's began to as well. "SHUT UP!" he yelled.

Kagome's eye continued to twitching on the outside and then she shouted, "SHUT UP!" as well. InuYasha's eyes grew wide and his lower lip stuck out.

Kagome began to ramble in her mind again using that echoed voice, everyone has in their heads for some unknown reason. "Oh no! Now I've yelled at my one true, summer, young, perfect, forever, once upon a time pain, star-crossed, teenage, opposites attract, love-hate relationship, Valentine, spring-winter, hurt-comfort love!"

"What'd I do," he asked when he regained his manliness. She said nothing on the outside but continued to talk about girly things on the inside.

"And he said that Yuri said that Ai said that Marisu was a marysue! So I told him that wasn't true because Hojo said that someone else said that the janitor said that some random guy said she wasn't! Gosh, I'm so glad you listen to me, Mr. Possessed-Me-and-Made-Me-Yell-At-my-one-true, summer, young, perfect, forever, once upon a time pain, star-crossed, teenage, opposites attract, love-hate relationship, Valentine, spring-winter, hurt-comfort love Demon. I appreciate it." The demon began banging his/Kagome's head against the wall. Everyone in the hut stared at her.

"What's she doing?" Shippo's eyes were wide and he clung on to Sango's leg. When no one answered him or even gave him a second glance, he began to giggle; he was looking directly up Sango's skirt.

Miroku finally looked at him, and became jealous. He held a fist up to Shippo and Shippo immediately returned the gesture. Both growled at each other but no one took notice. They began to fight viciously.

Their hands slapped each other randomly and it looked like a tie but Miroku finally won with a pink belly. He cheered and took his rightful spot at Sango's legs. With a sigh, he snuggled up and took in the view or whatever you would call it.

Sango absent mindedly slapped him upside the head, knocking him unconscious. Shippo giggled, stepped over Miroku's body, and took up his former position. She cocked her eyebrow in a sudden spurt of sassiness.

"You are Miroku's protégée and I think you've surpassed the master." Shippo batted his eyelashes cutely. Sango kicked him across the room, and returned to watching Kagome and InuYasha have a one-sided fighting. The passive side was winning.

InuYasha stared her down, waiting for an opening; when he found one he would attack. Then suddenly, he said, "Your skirt's ugly, wench!" He used an insult-derogatory term combo; nice, a little amateur but excellent for those lover spats or demonic possessions, which ever you're dealing with.

"…" His face broke into a large, rare-for-a-moody- Bipolarish demon smile but it sent Kagome into a mental frenzy.

"Ohmagawd, Mr. Possessed-Me! He's smiling. I should be angry that he said something mean but InuYasha has SUCH nice teeth…or evil, canine teeth that I can't stay mad! And whatever, it's still hot! And his EYES are sooooo dreamy!" Mental sighing and other dreamy female noises, ensued.

"Yes! I got quotation marks!" InuYasha celebrated. Kagome sighed happily, as he cheered at getting a reaction from her body/the demon. Hehe…'reaction from her body'…sounds like he turned her on…hehehe.

The demon grew even more tired of this. Kagome's body (or whatever) walked over to Kagome's sleeping bag. She stood in front of it for a moment and instead of getting into it, she simply dropped on top of it, and laid facedown.

Shippo and Miroku popped their heads up, which were conveniently near her feet, looked up her skirt and said in unison, "Good night Kagome!" They both stared to giggle as they looked up her skirt. Sango shook her fist and they were suddenly unconscious again; it seems the threat of pain causes perverts to faint.

Everyone traded their good nights and went to bed. It's sort of funny; first it's in the middle of a glorious afternoon, and then it's suddenly late at night, and time to read 'Good night moon'? No one paused to notice that Kagome was surrounded by blood and suffocating on her pillow. She broke her nose on her way down to la-la land.

The next day InuYasha and Kagome were on a walk. As usual, Kagome's mind was twittering along like an excited, in-love schoolgirl. …Oh right. "We're on a walk! My nose is broken from my fall last night but I'm on a walk with InuYasha! And no one's dying, being mauled, and Kikyo isn't here! It'd be a miracle if I wasn't possessed, Mr. Possessed-Me-Demon!"

Sango was off somewhere beating on Miroku, in a nonsexual way. After all, engaged people would NEVER do anything except fight in an immature way. Shippo and Kirara were giggling (and meowing in an evil way) as they followed the InuKag group.

InuYasha didn't notice Shippo and Kirara with his superior senses but in the daylight, he noticed something new about Kagome. He looked closely at her and smelt her.

Kagome's thoughts grew from their 3094398754839024028783958929492words per minute (WPM) to 3094398754839024028739529493 WPM. "He's smelling me! Oh wow, he's smelling me like a dog but it's soooo sexy when he does it! I wonder if he'll kiss me. His nose is probably wet and it'll probably tickle!"

"Kagome," he began. Kagome's body turned to him as she chewed on Kirara's motionless body. A bone crunched as she munched on the demon's snack. "There's something different about you." The demon listened closely, making sure he didn't have to abandon the body. Kagome may chatter but her body was comfortable, and offered a scenic view! It explains why the rent cost an ear and a half…

Kagome's eyes remained wide and completely void of remorse as she skinned one of the one-hundred-and-one Dalmatians and made a jacket of their little, puppy fur. Shippo, to prove he was important and valid to a plot, began to cry. With flashing, red eyes (still free of emotion), Kagome's body turned to him and hissed. He ran away.

"There's something different about you." He stared at her, and smelled her skin again. His nose wrinkled as he picked up the vile scent of demon. "Ew…. Kagome! How could you?!"

Kagome began to mentally bawl about her one, true, etc. etc. love, and how he must hate her for getting possessed. So much for trusting, each other completely and not letting anything get in the way of their relationship…

"Everyone knows Aho perfume is superior to that 'Frankfurt Killton' crap. I thought you knew these things." He caught another whiff and waved the air around his face. Then he scoffed at it again. "Wooheee that smells BAD."

He left the clearing and ran to a river. Kagome was mentally sobbing for the .00000000001 seconds he was gone.

When he returned her face lit up. It frightened InuYasha; he had gotten used to her looking like a feminine version of Sesshomaru. Feminine meaning having breasts and skirts. Those are the only things Sesshomaru lacks because if he had them he'd be one FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNEEEE dimepiece. As in even hotter than Aho.

InuYasha's cheeks were puffed up, full of water. Then he sprayed her with the water.

"Die Frankfurt Killton's 'Desire!'" He ran back to the river, filled his mouth with water, sprayed her, and then ran back. This process went on until the riverbed was dry and all the rare Frankfurtisagermancity Fish died and became extinct. Thanks InuYasha, for killing another species and messing up the ecosystem!

He sniffed the air again, satisfied with his morbid job. Kagome was covered with river water, gross spit, miscellaneous unidentifiable objects, and things that had been stuck in InuYasha's teeth for years. His breath must have been HORRIBLE after sleeping on that tree for fifty years and his lack of hygiene before and after the fact.

He stared at her again. With scrutiny he noticed the way she ripped open all the Aristocats and ate their intestines like she was starving. Then he noticed how demonic her laugh was as she smashed Cinderella's carriage and ate her mice companions. As he scratched his butt he thought about how this was compared to the girl who could never harm a little animal.

"Hmm….Kagome." Her blood-covered face turned towards him. She sucked up a rat-tail and he took that as that she was listening.

"Did you change your clothes?" He stared at her usual, schoolgirl outfit, and looked for something different. Maybe she had different underwear on! Shippo and Miroku would know for sure; he would have to ask them later…

She stared at him for a moment and then continued eating her still slightly alive, raw, gross, icky, yucky mouse.

He stared at her some more. Maybe there was something else knew. "Uhhh…." He thought about girly things for a moment. Rainbows, ponies, hearts, unicorns, and other things filled his head; his eyes began to water and he felt as though his mental state would never be stable again. "I know! You put on makeup!" She continued chewing on the mouse.

The demon, however, thought evilly, "Thank road kill and other evil things! He hasn't noticed yet!" For some reason instead of doing the echo thing, he said it aloud.

"Ohhhhhhhh. Now I see it." The Demon grimaced. InuYasha noticed this and pieced the evidence together. "You gained weight." He flinched as he waited for the blows he would receive; she DID gain weight. Ramen is good for that.

Kagome began taking over her own body out of rage. The demon pushed her back down. "Play with your subconscious gameboy!"

"Go peekatcho!" Kagome was subdued immediately by technology.

Being very bright at the moment, InuYasha noticed Kagome's face grow angry and her eyes bright before her eyes faded again and her face became blank. Once again, this led him to suspect too close a relationship with Sesshomaru.

The demon quickly developed a new plan. 'Twas revenge he sought against the demon of yore! He knew InuYasha was frightened by Kagome's anger and that would be his downfall. He quickly inserted an evil laugh of accomplishment into his thoughts.

Because people always turn evil when they are possessed, Kagome grew sharp, pointy, poison-filled claws. Why is it that NICE demons don't possess people? A hippy demon would be great to use on politicians and lawyers….especially mother in laws. The drugs would level them out, more criminals would go into jail (Like that damned OJ Juice), better laws would be passed, and families would get along. TMA has officially saved the world; bow down to her mighty power.

She swiped at him with said evil, scary claws while thinking, "Oh my god, why does this always happen in between Kikyou and Naraku episodes? Why can't we have a normal relationship? Run, InuYasha, you can't hear my echoeing thoughts but I still feel like screaming!"

"You didn't gain THAT much weight Kagome!" She threw the lifeless bodies of Piglet and Roo at him. He ducked them both.

"Haha, you missed!" As he bragged Pooh hit him upside the head. The weight knocked him on his back. "Ah, the obesity is crushing my head." He gave a struggled gasp as he threw Pooh off.

"What the hell was that for?!" He ducked as Kanga, Tigger, and Owl were launched into the air. As he jumped about Kagome came up behind him and attempted to puncture his body with her claws. The demon cackled demonishly as he destroyed various beloved characters from other shows and beat up the man-demon-thing that had destroyed his family.

"Damnit, Kagome I'm sorry I didn't notice your new haircut," he screamed to her as he ran for his life. She followed him carrying other small Disney characters.

When they reached the village no one blinked; those two always got into strange fights except this time it was probably over Kagome's bad smelling perfume and all that weight she had obviously gained. Funny, most people only gain weight that quickly when they are possessed by a demon. It must be the ramen.

They entered Kaede's hut with InuYasha panting loudly. Kagome sat down silently and resumed her "I'm-not-moving-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah" attitude.

"T-to make up for another homicidal event you HAVE to make ramen." He handed her the Sacred Package with upper-case letters. She took it but not before throwing Chip, Cogsworth, Lumiere, Mrs.Potts, and other humanoid eating and cooking utensils at him. Chip who already had a chip in him, shattered against InuYasha's head and became known as "fragments of glass."

She sat there with the package in her hand, not moving. "Put on the water," InuYasha begged. She did nothing. For some reason, the demon was feeling lazy and didn't want to-or he was thinking about who to throw next.

"Fine!" InuYasha put the pot of water on the fire moodily. What he didn't like working? "Put the noodles in the water as soon as it's hot enough!" Wow, show her what you got big boy.

The water had been on for barely a second when she dumped the package, plastic and all, into the water. Then a second later she put in the seasoning packet. Mhmmm, delicious homemade ramen made in less than five seconds!

She handed him the pot of cold water, raw undercooked ramen, and plastic floating on the surface, peppered with seasoning. Out of habit, she threw Pumbaa and Timon at him. They missed so Mufasa went after them; he hated the bastards and wanted them dead…and in his bellay! The demon controlling Kagome forced Kagome's body onward into combat and they fought over the two smelly creatures; Kagome/the demon wanted them in their bellay!

InuYasha stared reluctantly at the bowl until he remembered his father's only wise words. 'Food is food my son. It's not like she's possessed by a demon and unable to make the food which would taste bad. Don't be paranoid." He took this as 'ramen is ramen and will forever be ramen despite its horrible appearance.'

He lifted the bowl to his face and assumed his "eating-like-a-pig" position. His eyes widened and he immediately spit it out. Daddy you let him down!

"Muh mouf. I' buhns." (My mouth. It burns!) He screamed so loudly that Miroku and Sango, who had returned to the hilltop of their first kinky sexual encounter, heard him.

"Was that InuYasha who's eaten food prepared by a possessed Kagome?"

"Nahhh."

"Okay. Now whip me harder!" They returned to their sick sexual fantasy.

InuYasha continued screaming and flailing his arms like an excited ten year old at an N'sync concert. He jugged down mercury and other Periodical elements in an attempt to save his taste buds from utter destruction.

Then he vigorously brushed his teeth with a large amount of Crest-which he swallowed along with the mercury. Thanks Possessed Kagome for making InuYasha become hygienic! He hurled soon after; poor boy, didn't he know Crest doesn't mix well with Mercury and titanium?

"Wench, your cooking's awful!" Kagome, who had been rattling away about poor InuYasha, began to shake.

"Oh no what about my revenge?" Through the power of anger, cooking, and crest Kagome freed herself from the demon.

"InuYasha…" He coughed up some more mercury and whimpered.

"I didn't know it was your birthday!"

"Sit boy, osuwari, lie down, roll over, and FETCH!" She glared down on him as he performed the tricks asked of him. "My cooking's fine!"

"_Nooo__ what about my revenge?"_InuYasha returned with the stick he had been told to fetch and looked around for the tiny voice.

"What the hell? I didn't know there was such a thing as an ANT demon." The ant demon, in all his evil scariness, glared at InuYasha. Kagome shook in fear; she hated bugs!

"You stepped on my home, destroying it and my family members! Now we will fight to the death!" He rattled on about something else in his high, squeaky voice.

"Alright, you want to fight. Here's my move." Kagome sighed lovingly at his super macho statement.

"I want a fair fight! I to bit you until you die and you just hold still!"

"Shut up." InuYasha stepped on him. Kagome cheered at his brilliant move.

"InuYasha, you learned a new attack! The step-on-a-bug-sghidokdjfkjfedndmJAPANESEWORDSgoknkmnc!"

Later, Kagome and InuYasha sat on Kaede's roof as the sunset. (It's the perfect setting, isn't it?)

"Kagome." Kagome's heart beat faster. This was usually the part where he said he was afraid, felt he hadn't protected her, didn't want her getting hurt, or said some other mushy thing that ended with him pissing her off and leaving them at the exact same state in their relationship as before. At least it was mushy.

"Hmmm?" She looked at him curiously even though she knew what was **supposed **to happen.

"You really need to lose that weight."

"SIT TIMES INFINITY PLUS ONE SQUARED DIVIDED BY PI!" She had been studying for algebra beforehand.

ANSWER: Despite the fact that their eyes are wide and blank, they are attacking their loved ones, not saying a word, and are acting out of character, nope. You would think they could sense a demon presence on them or be suspicious when they disembowel a kitten and massacre our beloved Disney © characters but no, they don't.

TMA AQA TMA

**Hehehe**** When I typed in ****Timon**** my ****spellcheck**** popped up and asked if I was trying to type tampon. ****Heheheh..**

I liked this one and I thought it was A-okay.

Do you agree or not? Let me know in a review, and please keep it civil; remember, I bite back.

Love and kisses from the USA,

TMA (haha it rhymed!)


	17. can some1 name this chapter for me? kthx

_**Hehehe. I got flamed. Go look at it if you want because that was comedy in the purest form for me. **_

_**"I haven't read it and I'm not going to…" Then you wouldn't know what it's about so you can't judge. **__**Go look at their profile yourself; I must admit their stories are INCREDIBLE! She/he certainly has a right to talk considering how good his/her stories are, compared to mine. **_

_**www. Fanfiction .net/u/1323999 penname: **__**kambeiisahotoldman**____**(They also flamed Aangsfangirl 1214; AANGSFANGIRL 1214 DOES NOTTTTT deserve to be flamed because she's one of the better quality, lemon free, fluff writers.) **_

Anime Questions Answered

Enjoy your stay and please review on your way out the door!

**Question**: Why do some stories have so many different POVs (points of view)?

Just the usual satire-filled POV

The InuYasha group was hanging around in Kaede's village. Naraku has poker night so both good and evil agreed that they would not have sneak attacks or randomly show up to torment each other. They even shook on it. That proves men don't just beat each other up! So then, who says humankind is deteriorating? All the drug-using, promiscuous, and poorly dressed girls and boys losing their virginity during recess or on the bus are fine examples of the world's improvement!

Kagome

I'm bored but InuYasha's here so I shouldn't care. I still kind of care. I shouldn't but I do. Sango and Miroku are fighting again. She is SO obviously in love it him. It's obvious every time she hits him. He totally has the hots for her too. It's soooo obvious. Everything is obvious, including cold fusion, which I've never even learned about. But yeah SanMir is so obvious. They should OBVIOUSLY just make babies. Shippo is sooooo adorable and so is Kirara. I'd say they should make babies but that's just gross.

I love InuYasha so I'm gonna think about him. InuYasha, InuYasha, InuYasha. He has nice hair that I want to sink my fingers into and comb until I pass out from pleasure. I haven't done that in a while. In fact, I haven't screamed in ecstasy and then passed out with said pleasure since the last SesKag fanfiction which was five minutes ago. Why are those things so popular? I'm so in love with InuYasha that hittin' Sesshomaru just seems boring. He probably just lies there like a stiff board.

But yeah, I was thinking about InuYasha. He has awesome eyes. I'm going to use a bunch of adjectives to describe them. They're golden like the sun's rays and just as warm, miles deep but I can only look so far before he turns away, and thick eyelashes that I want to pluck out and use as my own. Wow, I could be a poet. His hair is so long and split-end free! How does he do that? Gosh, I hate watching his hair be so perfect and tangle-free. It's probably like some demon genetic thingy; I wish I could actually become a demon like everyone says I obviously am. But then I'll end up with Sesshomaru. Geez, all roads lead to Sesshomaru.

Sesshomaru, who happens to be the brother of the oober hot InuYasha!

Satire

As Kagome thought of ways to mutilate InuYasha's supposed perfection and turn it into her own (kinda like that guy in that movie about Hannibal the Cannibal that the lady detective's tracking who cuts up women) and Sesshomaru, Sango thought of ways to mutilate Miroku's chance of having children.

Sango

Miroku is such a perverted jerk! I don't know why I put up with him! It's not like it's because of his awesome…deep…eyes and his awesome body which I never look at! Anger, fear of rejection, rage, rage, defense mechanism, angst!

Now I should think about Kohaku. Kohaku…Kohaku…he's in Naraku's control and doesn't remember me….Kohaku has tried to kill me and my friends on several occasions but he's still my brother. I'm confused! Should I hate him or not? I think I'll just let it slide because he's cute and start acting all angsty so Miroku will comfort me and we can FINALLY do something cute. How come InuYasha and Kagome get all the cute time? I'm pretty darned cute and Miroku isn't half bad when he isn't denying his faith and his stature as a monk. Now I should scream Kohaku's name in my head!

KOHAKU!!!!!

KOHAKU!!!!

I'M SCREAMING YOUR NAME IN MY HEAD SO NO ONE WILL LOOK AT ME FUNNY BUT I'M STILL TECHNICALLY SCREAMING!! KOHAKKKU!

Satire yo!

Somewhere far away Kohaku felt irritated for no reasons; considering the whole "mindless slave" thing it was in theory impossible. His head began to hurt and he sneezed controllably.

"Sango is doing her screaming thing," Kanna noticed in her quite creepy, quiet voice.

"I hear that," replied Kagura as she watched Kohaku turn purple because of his lack of air from all the sneezing. He did that a lot so no one was alarmed and it entertained Naraku.

As Sango though about her brother, and her and Miroku's cuteness, Miroku nursed a concussion. Honestly, it might be to the point where he has brain damage and that Sango's hitting a mentally ill person! That's the only kind of person who isn't in Rumiko Takahashi's version of Feudal Japan. There are men that look and act like PMSing women (Jakotsu and Sesshomaru), the girl in the schoolgirl outfit that EVERY SHOW FROM JAPAN HAS TO HAVE AS A MAIN OR SECONDARY CHARACTER (Kagome), a girl with a tragic past and present (Sango, Kagura), and the pervert (Shippo…okay it's really Miroku.)

All we need is the special needs person. Actually, that might be Naraku.

The narrator rambled on about characters in anime while Miroku did his thing.

Miroku

I love Sango! Why can't she see that I'm just a worthless, horny monk with absolutely no self control to speak of? Geez, if she finally noticed that then she might stop hitting me…and do me. Hehehehe. If I got her to have sex with me, I could blackmail her forever! Wait, she can probably read my mind! She can do everything else like beat me up, destroy demons, and other scary things!

Satire

Sango was frowning as she thought of her tragic past. Her frown deepened (coincidentally) at the same time as Miroku started thinking of vile things like copulation, soft rounded organ's on a human's chest particularly women's, male organs of copulation, who whos, and other bad things.

She was frowning because she was still screaming Kohaku's name in her head and she was hungry.

Miroku

Oh no, I need to think of nice things!

I would love to make sweet; sweet love to Sango and thank all the deities in the world for the chance to do so! I would treasure it, never use it against her as blackmail or anything else, love her, marry her, take care of our child, etc etc. That ought to do it…hopefully.

What if she can tell I rehearsed that? Oh Buddha, I'm in some damned trouble. I should have just stayed a pimpin' monk.

(Sango's frown deepened even more as her hunger grew.)

I mean I love Sango with all my heart!

Satire

Sango's frown ceased growing and dropped from her face all together because she saw a food stand ahead. Miroku's eyes grew wide in shock (not anime style) and he thought of all the times she had hit him.

It had only been when he thought of dirty minds. Sango was a mind reader! She was some type of god or witch! Could he really purify his fiancée and not feel guilty? What if she wasn't a witch at all and it was all just a coincident?

These thoughts flew from his mind as he spotted a girl that looked old enough to be legal. Was there an age of consent in Feudal Japan? The author doesn't know any better than anyone reading this.

"Hey baby," he said while stretching his back before throwing his arms around her shoulders, "how you dooin'?" She stared at him. He stared back.

"I'm fine. Thank you." Miroku's jaw dropped; it wasn't a woman. It was a MAN. Well yeah, if you aren't a woman than you're usually a man. "What you doin' tonight," the womanly man continued in a deep voice.

"Not you!" Miroku ran ahead and hid behind a tree to wait for his comrades to eat; he would have to avoid detection and thus miss out on food yet again. The "Perverted Monk" diet really keeps him in shape between the lack of consistent eating and all that running from angry fathers, brothers, and other family members!

"I used to weigh TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY POUNDS," Miroku said to an unknown audience. He held up a painting on a scroll of himself with several chins and large man-breasts. (TMA sighed as she wished for larger breasts and wondered if becoming overweight to gain them would be worth all the risks.)

"What's he doing?" Sango whispered to InuYasha. As if, he would know.

"I think he's delusional from lack of eating," InuYasha replied wisely and then as an after though punched Shippo and stole his food. He couldn't look TOO smart, now could he?

"Thanks to severe starvation and vigorous exercise, I have anorexia nervosa AND a great physique. I've never felt more self-conscious about my body or exhausted." He forced a smile. "Thanks Perverted Monk Diet!" He sighed and fell over asleep; starvation really does tire you out! Only one of the many side effects the Perverted Monk Diet won't mention! Buy now! Using exclamation points makes people believe you!

Shippo's head perked up. "Oh good, you're awake Shippo. We thought InuYasha had sent you into another coma," Kagome exclaimed cheerfully.

"I-I believe you."

"YOU'RE A WORTHLESS RUNT SO STOP WASTING KAGOME'S TIME!!" Nooo, he used the double exclamation point attack. Shippo stands no chance.

InuYasha snorted, grabbed Kagome, and stared at Shippo angrily; she's HIS Kagome. Obviously, Kagome is property. He didn't want another woman getting taken away from him. Sure, last time it was death and a psycho monkey on its period that torn Kikyou from him but a seven year old fox is close enough.

"I double believe you, InuYasha!" Shippo began to cry because everything was just so unfair!

Shippo

I suddenly believe everything is unfair! Why is everything such a black abyss?! What is WRONG with the world!

Satire

Shippo is emo!

Shippo

I abruptly feel a compelling, dark urge to listen to Hawthorne Depths and Polka Dot Rainbow Suit Apparatus. I also want to wear…girl clothing. Specifically, jeans, which I do not know, exist but suddenly do, right now.

Satire

Shippo is going to shut up and stay out of the story so it doesn't grow any more complicated! He'll just hang out with the anorexic Miroku.

Shippo

"I'm going to like go put on makeup to show my gothic pain," I said emo-ly simply because I felt some odd force compelling me to. "Then I'll steal some of Kagome's jeans-which don't exist- and hang out with Miroku."

From a distance Miroku shouted, "Hooray, someone wants to spend time with me! Maybe I'm NOT the fat, worthless slob that "Starved Monk Diet" told me I was."

Satire

He really is though. Actually TMA means….He really is though!!

Miroku

Suddenly, I feel that I really am the fat, worthless slob that the 'Starved Monk Diet' told me I am! I must throw up my fatness.

"WHY AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH?" I ran off crying. If I wasn't careful soon I would become Miroku: the **emo**, perverted, anorexic yet still fat and worthless, monk. I can't handle that many adjectives!

Sango

"I'll go after him." I ran off into the forest because for some reason, there was a forest nearby and that's where he ran to. And I was wearing my tight demon-extermination uniform; goddamnit, are we gonna have to do it again? Usually I'm the one running off in tears that my strength can finally not hold back and I'm the one whose mask slips, then HE comes to ME, and he comforts me. Then we have sex or make love. Occasionally we "bone." Whatever that means.

Finally, after all those thoughts, I reached him. "Are you all right?" He sniffled.

"Do I look all right? I'm so fat!" He burst into tears and his bones jingled together. I flinched but mostly kept a straight face.

"You look great. Now, I'll prove it to you by having sex with you!" His face lit up.

"Hooray!"

Satire

And thus, they "boned" for sex solves all problems, including sexual ones like erectile dysfunction. Does that make sense? No, it doesn't.

Miroku

I got laid!

Kagome

This is the perfect opportunity to stare at InuYasha's hawtness and glory while thinking angst fully about whom he would have chosen if Kikyou hadn't kicked the bucket for the twelfth time.

InuYasha…who would you have chosen if Kikyou hadn't kicked the bucket for the twelfth time and actually stayed dead? It's amazing that she hasn't come back but if she does you gon' take yo' jivvveee Japanese- I wish I could say white but DAMN, I've never even seen it- ass back to hur!

You a playa, Inu dawg, you's a playa with no 'e' or 'r'.

Wow. That did not sound nice on such a nice, pure, lovely school girl such as myself. I should think in battered acceptance while hoping for his love. I pull that off great; just like I pull off this school uniform. I wear it for a reason. It looks good and it makes all the men old enough to be my father that apparently doesn't exist, stare.

In battered acceptance, I hope you love me InuYasha and I hope you pick me over Kikyou, who happens to be both dead (dead-dead, none of that alive-dead stuff) and still very angry at you.

You look so sad InuYasha. Could it be because I accidentally pierced your ears last week? I thought it looked good.

InuYasha

Grunt, food…food good for InuYasha. Me like food.

Satire

Suddenly the food was gone! Thus, InuYasha was forced to form complete thoughts. He stared at Kagome who stared him who stared at Kagome who stared at him who stared at her chest.

InuYasha

Sigh…I am torn between two equally hot women. I mean COME ON! A tragically beautiful priestess AND a school girl both going after ME? It's like a dream come true! But it's an angst-filled dream.

Kikyou…why do you want to decapitate me and then bring me to hell? That just isn't my style, babe.

Kagome…she could never love me. It's so obvious that she hates me considering how much she cries for me, tends to my wounds, talks to me, listens to me, has risked her own life various times to save me, kissed me at one point, hugged me, and cares about me. Yes, her caring about me PROVES that she'll never want to be with a worthless half demon who has a great body, awesome hair and eyes, a large "lil' inu", that protects her, occasionally says sweet things, and kisses her back.

Man, everyone hates me…especially the ones that love me!

Satire

While Shippo sat around not mattering, Miroku and Sango had sex, InuYasha ate and didn't think (then thought a little), Kagome thought and didn't eat, another person did stuff like that. Well, a "was a person" kind of person did that kind of stuff.

Kikyou

I am stuck in a hole in the ground. There are worms everywhere. Hell doesn't exist at all! You just sit in a hole with worms and sometimes people, thinking about stuff, hoping a wolf doesn't pee on your grave.

Satire

Above her grave, Koga stood still whistling and shaking his head from side to side. The loud whizzing noise finally stopped a long with his whistling. Then a zipping sound occurred and he finally ran off after Kagome again (no that he would find her in THIS adventure) now that he had relieved himself. Wait, his skirt didn't have a zipper did it?

Oh well, it enforces the irony of Kikyou thinking about wolves peeing on your grave and how irritating it is then a wolf doing exactly that! Isn't that funny?! It's funny…right?

Koga

I feel so relieved! Now, I'm off to find Kagome 'cause we belong together in a smelly, furry wolf den.

Kikyou

Damn it InuYasha, when I get out of here, I'm kicking your jive, Japanese ass.

That didn't sound nice coming from a dead, once pure but now tainted by hate, priestess once entrusted with the Shikon no Tama. I'll just think about how I hate him for something he didn't do that I can't forgive him for even though I know he didn't do it and I still love him.

I love you, InuYasha, but it is strange that you'd rather hang out with my incarnate than me. Surrrreee, she's warm (in flesh and spirit), caring, and not out to kill you but come on. I'm Kikyou, the one and only. You love me, even if I am angry with you and compulsively try to kill you; doesn't mean I don't care!

I've had enough of that. What should I do now?

Satire

She paused and thought about what else she could do besides rot in the earth and talk to worms.

Anyone would be angry if they had done that for fifty years and then found their former boyfriend with their reincarnation in a relationship. No wonder she's cranky all the time.

Kikyou

It sure is boring down here.

XD XD XD

Wasn't that a GREAT ending?!?!!?!?!11111two

**Answer**It offers many different angles on the same subject and allows the writer to make InuYasha talk angst fully to himself and for Kagome and Sango to reflect on their lovers. In every case, it can offer fluff, angst, pain, humor, or their personal opinions to emerge, in a serious manner. (Major BS, eh?)

"I hope you enjoyed and that you will review, add to your favorites/alerts, c2s, blah yadda yik yak, etc."

By the way, Florida absolutely sucked. Anyone who has no skin pigment should completely avoid it.

Eye laview,

TMA


	18. 9 joyful months :props to Demonade

You can thank my new, dear friend Demonade (id: 1316210) for this question; Demonade, I'm not sure if their mouths do this in "InuYasha" as much as other animes but you're the first person to ask a question related to anime AND one I can answer. Here's to her!

I did a small one-shot if anyone cares to look. It certainly wasn't my most successful piece of work but I like it plenty and want to know what others think.

**(Hate to break your hearts but I'm**** on hiatus until around late September to early October. I'm typing up a bunch of chapters for easy uploads when school gets hectic.)**

Anime Questions Answered

QUESTION: (I changed it around a little so that was a question and not a statement.) Why do anime characters have funny shaped mouths? How do their mouths change shape and why can they be so big or little?

"InuYashhhaaaaaa." Kagome tiptoed into the village; it was late and she didn't want to wake anyone. "InuYashhhaaaa," she repeated, making sure to keep her mouth small so she didn't speak loudly. It was a chore but it was all in exchange for a hot body, various men being in love with her, having priestess powers of purification, having great friends and family, being able to see the jewel shards, succeeding in school, and all that jazz; still, it sucked to have to keep her mouth so small all the time.

Her lips (well, whatever you call those lines in anime) made a small 'o' as she exaggeratedly tiptoed.

Finally, she arrived at Kaede's hut thingy and peeked inside. There she saw InuYasha and Miroku sleeping together, topless, under one blanket. She sighed and giggled at the oh-so cute sight. InuYasha sighed in his sleep and rolled over onto Miroku who immediately hugged InuYasha as he also slept.

Kagome's eyes grew big at the adorable-slightly unusual- sight before her. They trembled violently and she clasped her hand while holding them against the side of her face; her mouth became wedge-shaped in something to the effect on a grin. Basically, she was happy.

"InuYasshhhhaaa, Mirrroookkuuuuu." Because she was so close to them and no one could hear her mouth was a little larger. She waited but neither one woke up. "Hello," she whispered in a questioning tone with her mouth in a disappointed pout.

"Huh? Wha'," InuYasha muttered intelligently, as always. His mouth hardly moved at all. He rubbed his eyes and sat up in bed. The covers slipped down to his hips and uh, nothing was there; nothing covering anything that is.

"Go back toooo sleeepppp," Miroku whined in a loud voice. His mouth was puckered up and its movements were exaggerated.

"HI GUYS!!" Kagome's mouth grew exponentially as she cheerfully greeted her dear, dear friends. Both InuYasha and Miroku were startled completely awake and they turned around in shock to meet Kagome's overly large grin. Their jaws dropped.

They both screamed loudly which led to their mouths growing to the size of Mawaki (whatever THAT is). Their jaws dropped shortly after, and grew to massive sizes. Kagome smiled widely and using the same voice and overly large, exaggerated mouth movements, "What are you two doing? Are you NAKED?" InuYasha blushed furiously; Miroku had long ago lost that level of modesty but felt pretty embarrassed himself.

"None of your business." InuYasha's mouth snapped as he spoke loudly; after all, the louder you are the more right you are! "Why do you ask?" His fangs glistened as his mouth opened and closed rapidly.

"Well, I'm asking because the blanket fell down and there's nothing covering you," Kagome continued with her eyes closed in happiness and her mouth growing larger in excitement. It was so cute to see them sleeping together!

"What's going on," Shippo muttered sleepily-or drunkenly; the two sound verrry similar. "OH KAGOME!" Kirara popped up from beneath the sheets and mewed.

"Um wow it's nice to see you Kagome," Shippo said nervously using a big mouth which almost always means a lack of confidence and nervousness, "but we thought you were gone until tomorrow."

"Nope," Kagome continued in her same happy, large-mouthed happy voice. "I decided to surprise you guys! And I certainly did."

"DID NOT," InuYasha replied in an argumentative tone.

"DID TOO." Kagome didn't sound as happy, and her eyes weren't closed in a pleasant way.

"DID NOT," he said even louder.

"DID TOO." Kagome's mouth was growing larger by the "did not, did too" and her fists were clenched.

"DID NOT." His mouth worked angrily as it grew in proportion to Kagome's.

"DID TOO." Now they both were panting in rage and clenching their fists. InuYasha's mouth had grown larger due to his higher levels of testosterone and stupid manliness, but Kagome wasn't far behind.

"DID N-

"SHUT UP!" Shippo out-shouted the both of them with a mouth size that even defied ANIME physics. Go Shippo. Kirara meowed in agreement with Shippo while Miroku sat in silence. This wouldn't be good for Sango to discover. It wouldn't be good at all.

"Kagome, it would be best that you do not mention this to Sango…" Miroku shuddered and his mouth puckered into an unhappy 'o'. That wouldn't be good…as stated before.

Kagome immediately regained her happy thoughts and smiled. "She's been behind me the entire time! You didn't see her?" Her lips moved in a large motion that suggested good news but the sudden sorrow in Miroku's eyes suggested otherwise.

Sango glared down at him, and suddenly, Miroku wished he were gay. And somewhere, whether near or far, Jakotsu woke from a happy daydream. InuYasha was still his main man but he wasn't the faithful type.

"H-hello Sango," he began nervously. She glared at him, and slowly Miroku curled into the fetal position-that made the blows hurt less. "You look beautiful today." Then, all he knew was pain.

To escape the bad news floating around town, the group took off again on their never-ending hunt for the remaining jewel fragment that no one could find! Miroku, for some reason, was the slowest in the group, which was slow considering they had picked up a slug demon as a cute companion along the way. Shippo just wasn't as cute anymore and cute gets viewers!

Miroku dragged his feet to catch up, and a small squishing noise announced that Shippo was the cute one again.

"What's wrong Miroku?" Sango called to him. He didn't respond. She raised her voice and thus increased the size of her mouth. "What's wrong, Miroku?!" This time she heard horrible retching noises and a sad groan.

She ran to look and saw Miroku throwing up in the bushes. Without pausing, she hauled him up by the back of his robes and stared at him as he continued to upchuck, puke, vomit, and other tasteful terms. Haha, tasteful…righhhhttt.

"I-I'm sorry, for some reason I've been nauseous lately, especially in the mornings." He wiped his face and coughed. Sango shrugged and dropped him; it wasn't her problem.

"You must have eaten something bad for you, Miroku," Shippo piped up matter-of-factly. Miroku leaned over and threw up more perfectly cooked, free of bacteria, sanitary food.

Two months later Miroku had gained weight AND was still consuming food that caused him to throw up every morning.

"I-I can't stop eating," Miroku said through his furious consumption of ramen, rice, and noodles. His mouth's size and the speed of his teeth almost matched InuYasha's. The only difference was, Miroku was getting fat from overeating, and InuYasha was staying the same weight. Miroku groaned. "My nipples are sooo sensitive."

Everyone stopped their eating at once and in unison stared at him across the fire. "Someone's going to have to explain that to me," Shippo said in a small, scared voice. But the entire group was stumped. The Hardly Boys hardly helped, and Nancy Poo just spent all her times in the little girl's bush.

"I know!" InuYasha said in a loud voice. His tired and confused companions looked at him in hopes that he had something SMART to say. "He has a deadly virus and we need to kill him!" Miroku began to bawl his eyes out.

"Nooo," he shouted in the loudest voice his friends had ever heard him use, "I don't wanna die." His sobs echoed around them and he sniffled pathetically. "I-I'm sorry; I've just been so sensitive lately. I mean I feel HORRIBLE!"

A month later as they traveled a light bulb flashed over Kagome's head; literally, a man had discovered electricity on his roof and was ready to make history when a demon came by and mauled him. Oh well.

"I know what's wrong with Miroku!" Miroku stared intensely at her as he cried; he had just seen the CUTEST baby, and Sango when were they going to have one? He wanted a baby with his mother's eyes and Sango's personality-minus the rage. "He's depressed over the last beating Sango gave him after the time I found him sleeping naked with Inu-

Miroku and InuYasha shook their heads violently and waved their arms. Sango had repressed the memory and neither wanted their behinds kicked again-and again, and again.

"No Kagome, I'm just so upset be-because" –his mouth grew dangerously large as he had ANOTHER break down- "nothing fits me anymore! I have nothing to wear." He sobbed into Sango's shoulder. She filed her nails and absent-mindedly patted his back.

"Well Miroku, all they have that will fit your stomach is a woman's clothing for during pregnancy," Kagome told him. She could have said "maternity" but Miroku wouldn't have understood "pregnant clothing."

"Oh, all right." She picked up a blue kimono; he burst into tears. "I HATE blue," he sobbed in loud gasps. Finally, they found a hormonal-Miroku-friendly color and style.

"Can we stop," Miroku asked timidly. InuYasha scowled and growled; oh my god, a rhyme!

"AGAIN," InuYasha shouted. His mouth's movements were more exaggerated than normal so Miroku began to cry-again.

"I just need to use the little boy's bush!" InuYasha growled.

"That's why we stopped the OTHER twelve times!" His mouth grew larger as he grew angry and Miroku's grew with his sorrow.

"I apologize but InuYasha I'm constipated!" InuYasha stopped in mid-growl and his mouth grew sheepishly small.

"Go ahead." After twenty, painful minutes they were off again.

"Miroku, you must be feeling so horrible because you haven't been drinking must water," Sango said. She knew this stuff and he was growing a stomach from dehydration.

"I'll try drinking more water, thank you Sango." He grabbed his gourd of water and began to drink.

"Woah," Miroku called out in shock, in the middle of the night. He immediately moved into a sitting position on his mat and touched his stomach which had grow significantly over the last two and a half months. His mouth was opened and even though he had gone through no physical strain, Miroku panted like a dog.

"Whatttt?"

"My stomach started to flutter! I felt something MOVE!" InuYasha was all ready asleep again.

The next day, Miroku's nose began to bleed. Naturally, he burst into tears. Kagome and Sango sighed as they turned to see the load of nothing that had offended Miroku.

"My nose is bleeding!" Sango's eyes slanted.

"YOU HORNY PERVERT," she shouted in his ear as he sobbed. Her mouth worked more rapidly than ever as she yelled at the pitiable, crying monk. "Geez, you didn't need to call our ATTENTION to it!" She stormed off in a huff. Kagome shrugged and ran to catch up to InuYasha, Shippo, and Kirara.

Miroku sighed. No one looked up. He sighed again; once again no one looked at him. He continued sighing until it got to InuYasha.

"What is it," InuYasha asked, exasperated with the whole past six months. Miroku was eating more of their food, slowing them down, AND gaining weight-not to mention his damned mood.

"I really want to eat some fried demon, heavy on the fried." Shippo turned an odd shade of green and InuYasha looked pale himself.

"I think I'm gonna be sick!" Shippo ran to the bushes and threw up.

"Oh my god! Shippo, not you too! Miroku's spreading his damned virus. Now we HAVE to kill him!" Kagome gave him the look and he slowly lowered himself to the ground as though she had sat him.

The next thing InuYasha knew, he was slaughtering a small fox demon-much to Shippo's dismay- and frying it in the pan. Kirara kept poking it and tried to eat it at some point.

"InuYasha, that's my cousin! Aoi, nooooooo!" He passed out. Miroku reached over his body, grabbed the nearly raw-but heavily fried- fox demon, and ate it in almost one bite; that's amazing because it was about five pounds.

"Oh noooooo." He whined and Kagome could have sworn that she felt part of her soul grow dark and tainted, "my ankles are swollen! This is your fault Sango; you told me to drink more water and now I'm retaining it!" Sango shrugged, unsure of what to say. "I'm not going to drink as much water anymore!"

About two and a half months later, eight months into Miroku's strange, weight-gain and virus, stranger things began to occur.

"Can we stop?" Kagome was now quite sure of her soul's contamination and darkness.

"Why," InuYasha asked, "Whhhyyy?"

'I need to urinate profusely."

"AGAIN!?" It seemed that every time Miroku experience a new symptom of his strange eight-and-a-half-month illness, InuYasha's mouth grew larger along with his irritation. Sango wasn't looking much happier with Miroku and had no teeth left due to grinding them so she would stay quiet.

"Miroku," Sango exclaimed, "you've put your water intake down to one drop an hour! How can you need to urinate?" Kagome and Shippo laughed at the word "urinate" like the mature beings they were.

They stopped and he peed-urinated. A few moments later, they stopped again and he peed. By the end of the day, the group had moved about a quarter of a mile (440 yards) and the only one who was tired was Miroku. Kagome felt her soul shrivel up and die; Naraku, in his castle, shivered as he felt the presence of actual pure evil. He did not leave the house for a long time.

Three weeks later Miroku cried out in the middle of the night. By saying he was a poor, dying man Kagome had tricked a rich man into letting the group stay the night; she didn't feel bad. After all, she had been completely soulless for almost a month.

"What is it Miroku?" Sango finally asked.

"I feel some muscles tightening at increasing intervals in a painful way!" He means contractions, by the way. "And some water just exploded everywhere!"

"Y-you woke me up to tell me that you needed to use the BATHROOM," Sango shouted. Her jaw muscles were tired all the time now from shouting loudly at the overly-emotional, pathetic monk.

"What's wrong Sango," Shippo asked curiously.

"He woke me up from a sound sleep in which my family was alive and I was happy, to tell me he needed to piss and take a dump!" Naughty language! Does she kiss her family with those lips? Oh…right…

"Well, how 'bout that?" Shippo said conversationally. Miroku began to scream.

"Somebody get a doctor!" Miroku begged. InuYasha finally sat up and stared at him.

"You want a doctor for your constipation." Miroku nodded slowly. "Shut up."

Miroku screamed louder and within the hour little Akio was born. You probably don't want to know how and you needn't receive horrible, mental images just to satisfy any curiosity. All that anyone needs clarified is that Miroku went through something very horrible, and that if you've had a child that his session was a lot worse than yours.

"What do you know? He looks just like InuYasha. I mean he has the ears, eye color, hair colors and everything," Kagome stated. Seeing a cute baby had restored her soul and Naraku finally came out of his castle; he had been terrified-not that anyone could have told by his shifty eyes, nervousness, and tendency to avoid windows.

"Yes, what a coincidence." InuYasha stared at Miroku and shook his head; Miroku nodded back. No one needed to know. (Kirara and Shippo had forgotten by the next night so they didn't need to die…yet.)

"Congratulations monk, here's your engagement ring back," Sango said dryly. She dropped it in his hands and began to walk away.

"But Sango I can't be a single mother," Miroku cried pathetically. "My baby needs a father. You have to marry me right away!" Sango turned an interesting shade of red and struggled not to scream. "What's wrong Sango? You said you would marry me! Now follow through on your promise and give this baby a father!"

"I," she began quietly, "am" –her voice grew louder- "NOT" –it was even louder now- "A MAN!" Her jaw snapped from the force of screaming one too many times.

The next day, Sango with her mother wired-shut, and Miroku still carrying some of his pregnancy pounds got married. Three guesses on who wore the dress.

XD

ANSWER: The Law of Mandibular [sic Proportionality, anime law number 25 states: "the size of a person's mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating." TMA says on the matter: "when the characters are sheepish or nervous, their mouths become very small little "o"s. As they yell, their mouths grow and the movement of the mouth grows exaggerated. It's pretty weird, huh?"

So, Demonade is it everything you wanted it to be? I tried hard to finish this while writing, correcting, and typing another chapter so I hope it's the quality you have all come to know and love. (But I've had enough of anime characters' mouths for a LONG time.)

If you come up with a question then send it to me by whatever method you are comfortable with such as a private message, review, or any other way to contact me. Reviews are also appreciated because you can tell me what you like and don't like.

Thanks for listening to me babble and for reading.

-TMA


	19. Oprah, you naughty naughty woman!

Well, I'm back from my hiatus. I'm sure none of you missed me.

(NOTE: This chapter seems not to be related to the question at first, but I swear it really is.)

It's AQA, bitch!

QUESTION: Why do things release light when they break? (For example, think of the Shikon no Tama.)

"Oh my god, InuYasha! Ewww," Kagome shouted. InuYasha stopped smelling her butt and stared at her like she was the stupidest being on earth. Didn't she know that dogs smell another dog's/person's butt when they are interested?

"What's your problem, Kagome?" She glared at him.

"Osuwari is my problem!" He immediately fell the ground; he would NOT smell her butt for a long time.

"You are SO stupid, Kagome," he replied angrily. Kagome's mouth fell open in shock.

"That's it, I am so leaving, you jerk!!" She stormed off. "And I won't be back for a long time!" After a while, InuYasha was finally able to sit up.

"I wonder where she goes when she leaves this era, angrily," Miroku thought aloud curiously. InuYasha grunted.

"Who knows?" They certainly didn't.

"Hello, and welcome back to my show," said the perky talk show hostess. "We have a Japanese schoolgirl here with a major problem: canine to be exact! Her half-dog demon boyfriend always dumps this girl for her living-dead incarnate from five hundred years ago! On top of that, he's a jerk. Is this boy's bark worse than his bite? Or is he just a complete asshole." Wow, now THAT was catchy. "Is his bark worse than his bite?" Just wow. That was amazing.

"He's an asshole, Oprah," Kagome replied. The audience gasped and went "ohhh." Oprah looked at her.

"Why do you stay with this boy?" She had signed on to the show just so she could see upset parents with rebellious children, and teenagers who turned to her for advice instead of yahoo answers or anything better and less embarrassing. Kagome sighed and shrugged.

"He has a good body." Oprah nodded.

"That matters, doesn't it?" Kagome looked at her and at the same time, they said, "duh." The audience laughed hysterically at the not so funny event.

"Well, besides that he's just so…I'm not sure. I think I love him." The audience cheered and "awed." One would think they might shut up for a minute.

"Girl," Oprah began in the stereotypical "ghetto girl" voice, "you need to assert your authority over dis boyeeee!" Kagome's eyes widened. Flavor Flav had a sister?

"W-will it hurt?" Oprah stared back at the frightened girl.

"Oh, yes; yes it will." She continued with an evil laugh and then began to cough. Kagome handed her a glass of water and Oprah drank the entire thing down. "Ah, thank you, my dear. Now, I will tell you the plan!" The audience froze as they stared at the suspense, the drama, the Oprah! "Castrate him." The audience looked around for the cue signs and found that none was lit.

"W-what do we do," asked one startled man in the audience. The others mumbled among themselves. There were no signs telling them what to do! How would they live?

"I DON'T KNOW! I DON'T KNOWWW!" Someone screamed and they all began to panic. Several hours later, after the Psychiatric Ward had rounded up the entire audience, Oprah sat down with Kagome. She pulled out a cigarette.

"Want one, hon'?" she asked lazily as she took a drag off the marijuana-tainted cigarette. Kagome mouthed 'no' and shook her head. Oprah blew smoke in her face. "Look, hehe I'm so high…you gotta go seduce the boy!" She pulled a flask of whiskey that was strapped to the inside of her thigh and drank deeply. "Make him want you! Have him to show his strength, fight for you, and …mmm. Yup, sure.Okay." Oprah fell into the conversation of drunks while Kagome pondered her actually good advice. Alcoholics DO have a place in society!

"Thank you, Oprah-sama," Kagome said, suddenly into the Japanese stuff. Oprah nodded.

"Anything you say." Her agents saw an opening and handed Oprah several, dangerously bad for her but good for them, contracts.

Back in the feudal era, Kagome popped out of the well, happily. "Hello world," she cried happily. The sun smiled down upon her and the woodland creatures danced merrily. "Hiya, InuYasha!"

He grouchily turned around and he did a double take. "Y-you aren't hurting me?" he said in disbelief. Kagome nodded.

"I feel bad about hurting someone so weak," she replied. InuYasha growled and pondered over which insult to use. Then she turned to a baby rabbit with large, doey eyes. "Now, THAT is something I can hurt. Thumper the humper, OSUWARI!" The rabbit screamed pitifully when it crashed into the ground. Kagome walked off whistling while InuYasha stood still in shock. Oprah never specified who the plan would hurt or how.

"Kagome," InuYasha shouted as he ran after her, "Kagome! Hurt me! I'm strong! I can take it! And I brought dinner!" He held the limp rabbit in his hands as an offering. Kagome looked at him and smirked.

"Nope," she said simply before walking into Kaede's hut. He followed quickly.

"Kagome, wait," he called. He dropped the rabbit into Kaede's stew, skin and all, and continued chasing Kagome. "Hurt me!" As he bumped into jars as he ran and they shattered on the floor, emitting light while they broke. Kaede's one good eye was blinded.

"Me eyes, me eyes," she cried pitifully, "ahhhh." She fell backwards into her pot. "Oh what a world! What a world, 'tis." As she melted, the pot broke and shed light that shone out through the cracks in the hut.

"Kagoooooooooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmeeee," InuYasha whined. "Pay attention to meeeeeeeeeeee!" She picked up speed, and InuYasha bounded after her. Along the way, he crashed into things, and soon, everyone in the village was clutching their face, screaming about their eyes. It was like some sick science class experiment gone horribly, horribly right. After all, violence makes the world go 'round.

At the time, Shippo and Kirara played out in the woods and decided to follow. Sango and Miroku were discussing their 'feelings,' and since Sango's feelings were a little 'red' and 'crampy', they decided to 'tag' along and 'see' the action. 'Aren't' you 'annoyed' by 'this', yet?

"Please, pay attention to meee!!" Kagome halted for a moment and InuYasha waved his butt (as though he had a tail, the retard) because he thought she would actually pay attention. She fixed a wedgie and then continued walking.

"I'll do anything! Just pay attention to me!" Kagome's smile widened but she said nothing and did not turn around. InuYasha shook nervously and wondered what he had gotten himself into-trouble; he had gotten himself into trouble.

Slowly she turned around. She kept her eyes to the ground and her hair covered part of her face but evil intentions radiated from her. Even Sesshomaru, two hundred miles (321.868 kilometers) away, shivered in fear.

"Do you mean that, InuYasha?" she asked quietly. He whimpered but nodded.

"Yeah." Suspenseful music played, and at that point, any smart person would have headed for the hills. They would have sprinted until Kagome couldn't see them. Most intelligent beings would have escaped or fled from her. They would have run, ok?

"In that case…" The suspenseful music switched to the theme of "Jaws" and most beings would have begun sawing off their limbs to save Kagome some time; their limbs would be bloody and gone soon, anyways. "I bet you can't break that tree," Kagome said in a flirting way to InuYasha as she batted her eyelashes.At that point, any being that had been sawing off their limbs was a retard.

"Of course, I can!" He snorted at her innocent stupidity. Innocent? Well, that's what HE thought.

Shippo sat still switching between sucking his thumb and a lollipop while staring at the giant tree InuYasha was supposed to break. He noticed that Miroku was trying, to no avail, to convince Sango that "the slippery the slide, the better the ride" and she just said, "Screw you, the slide should never be covered in anything red!" Kagome snickered as she watched InuYasha do his warm up dance; it helped him to stretch and focus his mind before a battle.

His warm up dance happened to involve a seventies-style, dance instructor.

"Come on ladies! We can do it," said the instructor in a perky, "yippe let's run ten miles" voice. "Do you feel the burn? Speak up ladies!"

"I feel the burn," cried InuYasha as he struggled to keep up with the forty-two-year-old anorexic man. "I'm speaking up! Ahhh." The tape's fortifying music stopped just as InuYasha hit the ground.

"See you next week, ladies," the instructor chirped happily, as he pocketed a large amount of money, which will not be specified for laziness' sake.

"I'm a man! If you want a woman go look for my brother," InuYasha called weakly. He had just wore a spandex suit and jumped around a lot while "feeling the burn"; he needed to keep his dignity-some of it at least.

"Will do," the instructor called back before exiting the scene.

InuYasha turned to face his enemy, his adversary, his opponent, you know: the tree. He growled at it. The tree stood there. He snarled fiercely. The tree stood there. He performed a fighting dance. A leaf fell off the tree.

"Get on with it," Kagome yelled from several yards away. InuYasha ignored her for the most part but began moving towards the tree. The tree shook in the wind.

"Ah! You're scared, you wimp," InuYasha said triumphantly to the inanimate object. The tree stood there. "Wimp! I almost feel bad for hurting you." He went on and on, bragging about his awesome ability to make a tree quiver on a windy day, and the like. Kagome was in tears; why wouldn't he hurry up and totally impress her?!

"But now I must destroy you!" Kagome's face broke out into an excited smile. It was finally happening!

He glared at the tree again. Kagome threw herself into Sango's arms and began to cry. Sango cried with her for no particular reason; she was having a difficult moment in her life, ok!? Take a wild guess at what was causing her difficult time… Shippo didn't want to be left out so he began to bawl his eyes out as well.

Sango and Kagome stopped crying to look at him. They glared in disgust.

"What a pussy…" Kagome nodded at Sango's statement.

"You said it." Shippo sighed. He was never good enough. Kirara sat next to him and thought about how Shippo just wasn't good enough. The tree thought about how Shippo wasn't good enough (and how retarded InuYasha was). People throughout the world thought Shippo wasn't good enough.

InuYasha inched towards the tree. Kagome whipped her head around, cracking her neck in the process, to see him fight for her. Well, technically, he was fighting to prove he wasn't a wimp/weakling/worthless, but she had her delusions, and they kept her happy.

He inched closer, and then backed away. Kagome clenched her jaw and tapped her foot. He moved a whole couple of steps closer and then ran far, far away.

"You fight dirty! I know it!" Kagome clenched her jaw harder and heard a snapping noise; her jaw was broken and her neck was strained. Yippee.

"For Christ's sakes destroy it all ready and prove that you want to impress me, so I can seduce you!" Kagome drew a large breath after shouting so loudly at InuYasha. He glanced at her, cocked an eyebrow, and returned to yelling at the tree.

Kagome began to hate the tree. She hated its ability to convert carbon dioxide to oxygen, its leafiness, its everything. She wanted the tree dead.

"And your mother wears army boots!" InuYasha finished his scalding "diss" at the tree, crossed his arms, and nodded in satisfaction. That tree was so burned he was surprised there wasn't a forest fire.

(Well, aren't they just catchy and smart today?)

A leaf fell off the tree like a tear. InuYasha laughed and began another twenty-minute long gloating spree.

"Oh my god! Dieeee!!" Kagome grabbed Fred the Semi-automatic and her favorite oozy. She jumped into the air and as she fell in slow-mo she shot the tree. In equally slow slow-mo, bits of splintered wood flew everywhere; some landed on the ground, while others lodged themselves into Sango's butt.

"I'll help you Sango," Miroku said valiantly. Sango clutched her bleeding behind and pulled a large piece out herself. She flinched but kept a strong face.

"Over my dead body!!" Miroku looked at her seriously.

"Is that what it will take?" he asked quietly. Sango, wide-eyed and frightened, shook her head and turned around. He giggled and clapped his hands before groping and removing. Miroku knew that the gods would bless him someday! And that day had come.

"Ah, my eyes," InuYasha shouted as the tree exploded into large pieces and emitted the brightest, whitest light so far. "It burns!!" He reeled backwards in an attempt to escape the light. Behind him was a cliff.

"InuYasha," Kagome called from a distance, "look out!" She shouted to him just a little too late. You see, InuYasha fell off the cliff. Thankfully, the audience isn't here or they would be laughing until they cried. At that time, the entire audience was receiving electrotherapy to no avail; they would show no improvement-ever.

The concerned group eventually found their way down the mountain to where InuYasha had landed. They had actually moved so fast that they got there before InuYasha had even landed. New Ramen-chan Energy Food contains steroids illegal everywhere but Japan and South Korean! InuYasha cried out as he landed; this repeated several times from various angles.

Suddenly, light burst from his arm. "I think I broke my arm guys," InuYasha finally said. He poked the bone that stuck out of it's socket. Yup, it was pretty broken.

'What makes you say THAT, InuYasha," Shippo asked sarcastically. He was permanently blind and paralyzed after InuYasha got close enough to punch the living shit out of him.

"Owww the light burns the image of InuYasha into my retinas," Miroku cried. His day of punishment took place the same day as his day of joy. Haha. Situation irony, if there ever was.

Throughout the land, the group became known as "The Crippled Fighting Force." Naturally, they lost every battle. Who knew Pikachu was so strong?

ANSWER: For some reason things send off light when they break or are shattered. Some things do shine while others don't; it seems to be used for dramatic purposes, alone, with no other purpose.

Of course, it's AQA!

FRED THE SEMI-AUTOMATIC IS BACCCCK. Yay.

In case you didn't know, Pikachu is a Pokémon, and my laptop corrected my spelling of Pokémon to include the accent mark. Haha. My laptop is a nerd.

Please feel free to offer any questions you think I could answer here.

-TMA


	20. I feel like a dick for dying

I'm embarassed. TT I have been SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SOOOO busy with starting high school, I got a job, and Jesus it's been an adventure. Just remember kiddos, I'm not dead yet. Just um….in a coma-like state. Hehe

I WILL be back. This summer I WILL update...hopefully.

Peace

TMA


	21. yummy stick

Months and months ago, I watched Blood + (Blood plus, if the sign doesn't come up) and every wound spurted blood; I've seen something similar to that in InuYasha and thus, this chapter was born!

Holy shootskies man. I'm back. I am backkkkkkkkkkkkk! Feel free to review, telling me how much you hate me for leaving or how much you hate me for returning. Both work for me.

WARNING: Please don't be offended. I just didn't like _The Diary of a Mad Black Woman_. I don't really like stereotypes, so I had to use one! (That doesn't make sense, but it's all chill.)

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

QUESTION: Why do all wounds gush and/or spurt blood?

"InuYasha," Miroku said urgently. InuYasha looked at him lazily.

"What is it, worthless pathetic Erectile-y Dysfunctional Monk?" InuYasha, don't be mean!

"InuYasha, don't be mean," Kagome scoffed. She looked at the two men lounging around and then back at Sango. Sango shrugged, smirked at the wonderful truth behind InuYasha's adjectives, and walked past Miroku to pick up something. He squeezed her butt. She looked at him in shock and began to cry.

"When does the abuse end!?" She threw herself into Kagome's arms and sobbed. He calls himself a man!

"You call yourself a man," Kagome said disgusted.

"Yeah, he does. He isn't popping out babies or doing anything womanly like cleaning!" InuYasha and Miroku laughed while they high-fived. Kagome held Sango in her arms and glared. Shippo sat in the middle of the two groups, confused and unsure; Kirara meowed slyly as she thought of how she had peed in Shippo's stew last night. Shippo suddenly felt ill.

"Anyways, InuYasha, what do you say to an adult male human's period between sunset and sunrise away?" The group fell silent and everyone stared at him and InuYasha.

"What choo talkin' 'bout Willis?" InuYasha asked, confused. Had he been watching Kagome's movies?

"Have you been watching my movies!?" Kagome asked, even though she actually shouted. InuYasha winced and he sat. "Osuwari! No more watching American movies!"

InuYasha finally struggled into a sitting position. "Um, what were you speaking of,"-Kagome warned him with a glare- "Miroku?" Kagome nodded once, and InuYasha sighed in relief.

"I mean that we, two men, should go out alone without women, really tough awesome demons, or Shippo."

"WHY DOES NO ONE KNOW WHAT I AM!?" Shippo cried to the Gods. The Gods did not reply; they were playing ping-pong.

For the most part, everyone ignored Shippo.

"Are you saying that we go out alone?" Miroku nodded. InuYasha's eye widened and his face twisted. "Ewww! I don't roll that way foo'! I'ma call da popo who use ah fofo on yo' assho'." Kagome stood up.

"You've been watching _Diary of a Mad, Black Woman_ too? Osuwari!" He cried out as he crashed into the ground. Miroku whistled low in amazement.

The Gods finally paid attention to Shippo (they had lost the Ping-Pong ball, which had landed in China and killed millions with its destructive powers) and used Kirara to spite him; she mauled Shippo while no one was looking. Sango had finally decided she had the strength to leave her abusive relationship. Then Miroku slowly shook his head back and forth until she lost all her courage. She sighed and sat down again.

"God damn it, run Miroku!" InuYasha hauled ass to the next village where their guy's night out was to take place, and Miroku trailed behind. The girls shrugged.

"Well, I guess we have to have our pillow fight in our panties and bras without them." They stripped down to their lacy, push up bras, and even lacier, one square inch of fabric boyshorts and g-strings.

Far ahead, Miroku sneezed. InuYasha had slowed to a walked already.

"What's wrong with you, Miroku? Getting sick like a woman?" InuYasha isn't very nice when it comes to human things like sickness, death, heart break, and other various sad things.

"No, I think we're missing something wonderful and amazing that will never happen again." InuYasha sneered and shrugged.

"You're probably talking about Shippo getting mauled by something large with fangs and flames or Kagome and Sango in their sexy undergarments having a pillow fight." They laughed until their sides ached.

"Like those things will ever happen." Sighing, they wiped their laughter tears from their eyes and continued walking.

"That was a lot of fun, Kagome," Sango said, happily. Kagome nodded.

"Want to randomly make out now?" Sango grinned and nodded.

Twenty miles ahead, InuYasha and Miroku both experienced a sneezing fit that lasted over an hour.

After using their Flonase, InuYasha and Miroku managed to continue on to the village of their choosing and have a guy's night out.

"Think we should stop here?" InuYasha asked Miroku quietly. They looked up at the large buildings, drunk and naked females, and the cheap prices for hotels, goods, food, and "company." It was like a Feudal Wal-Mart.

"Damn straight." Off they went, like little boys in a candy shop where they had no money, but the cashier was sleeping. In this case, the cashier was in a coma, or to be literal, Kagome, Sango, Shippo, and Kirara were struggling through a freak rainstorm. They could hardly see their feet when they looked down (Sango and Kagome never could in the first place because of their breasts, you know), and Shippo kept walking into trees.

"We'll never find shelter here, Sango," Kagome cried. She sat on the ground and sniffled. "Screw being positive! We're going to die!"

"Um Kagome," Shippo said. He began pointing to the large town in front of them.

"SHUT UP SHIPPO! I'M RELEASING ALL INNER PAIN BEFORE I PASS ON!" She continued muttering about life, family, friends, and the like until Sango broke the horrid news to her.

"Kagome, it is no longer raining…and there's a large town right behind you. In fact, your back is resting against one building." Kagome hopped up off the ground happily, patted off all dirt, grass, and leaves; began to hum, and walked into the town.

"Come on guys!" She smiled happily and waved to them. Shippo looked up at Sango in a confused manner. Sango mouthed, "Just go with it." Then she whispered, "I'm scared too, just go along with her demands. Maybe we'll get out alive." Shippo settled for that answer, and with Kirara prancing along besides them, they followed Kagome into the sea of buildings.

The authoress sat there talking to her girlfriend, her school friends, and various correspondents who thought she was a man. She was typing one of her stories' chapters during all of this, and because of this, accidentally said, "lol I love you!" to one of the people who thought her name was Brad. Oops.

She was tired of switching from the men to the women, animals, and children, so she decided to examine a different world: a darker world. With a shudder, she realized how disgusting this world was. With trash everywhere but in the rubbish bin, underwear hanging from the ceiling fan, and other monstrosities, this world proved to be hideous. She realized that it was time to take the readers out of her room and back to InuYasha and Miroku.

Miroku and InuYasha sat in a lavish room, relaxing and waiting for the Geishas. InuYasha seemed slightly uncomfortable, but Miroku looked like he wasn't just in the candy store with the cashier sleeping. He was in the candy store with the cashier sleeping, and women in skimpy outfits were serving him the candy! It was heaven on a stick. It was life on easy street. It was God patting you on the back for making a sandwich. It was really good, ok?

Well, the women were mostly covered and serving tea, but hell, he was still surrounded by women! Miroku thought fondly of what was to come; in his mind, that meant geishas, good tea, and other awesome, sexual things. If he had known what was really coming, he wouldn't have thought fondly of it.

"I'm boooooorrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeedddd," InuYasha whined loudly. Miroku closed his eyes and sighed.

"God…please no…You give me heaven, and yet, there is hell as well. Why God? Why?" He looked out a window emo-ly and sighed again.

"I'm not God! I'm InuYasha, and I'm bbbboooreeeeeeeddddd!" An idea began to form in Miroku's sick little, perverted mind. Not only could he make InuYasha stop whining, but also he could have all the women to himself! He was genius.

Miroku began to laugh evilly. InuYasha looked him over and snorted.

"Dumbass, I'm BORED. Make me laugh too!"

"Go for a walk." Miroku's plan swiftly went underway.

"I don't WANNA!" Slowly, Miroku pulled out a stick. InuYasha's body went rigid, and his eyes focused in on the stick. He shook his behind slightly, forgetting that Kagome had cut off his tail back in band camp.

"Are you sure?" Miroku asked quietly and creepily. He tossed it lightly out the open window. "Are you sure you don't want to…fetch?" InuYasha was already gone.

He ran quickly in the direction of the stick. "Stick. Stick. Stick. Stick. Stick. Stick. Stick. Stick. Stick. Stick. Stick. Stick. Stick. Stick. Stick. Stick. Stick. Stick. Gotta get the stick. Gotta get the stick. Gotta get the stick. Stick. Stick. STICK!" As he did the Stick Chant, he ran by the stick two hundred and thirty-four times. What a silly puppy.

Kagome and Sango stepped into the clearing and gawked at InuYasha rolling around in the mud, whining for his stick. What happened Kirara and Shippo? They were back in the woods, being the mauled and mauler. Poor freakin' Shippo.

"You want your stick Inu-y-ie-y?" Kagome squeaked happily at the mud-covered idiot. He wagged his behind (when is he going to get the tail thing?), and yipped at her. Her heart melted, and Sango wondered about the stability of their mentalities.

"YIP YIP YIP STICK STICK STICK GIMME THE STICK!" InuYasha ran around the clearing and knocked over Shippo as he struggled away from Kirara's wrath. Kirara mewed evilly and licked his blood from her cute little paws. She was the most adorable, murderous little kitten ever! "STICK! STICK STICK STICK STIIICCCKKKK!"

"Fine. Go get it." Kagome thought he wanted her! He always called her a stick, and he couldn't be referring to her luscious curves, (her uniform hung off her body like a coat rack and occasionally fell right off), so it was supposedly a nickname. But no! He wanted to literal stick. In despair, she threw it over her shoulder and ran into the woods to cry more.

"NOOOOOOOOO!!" She turned around, her face bright and smiling. He wanted her! InuYasha realized her beauty! Nope. No. Never mind. He wanted the stick. My bad. Kagome turned once more and ran into the woods, sobbing and hiccupping.

The stick flew through the window it had exited earlier. It landed neatly in Miroku's lap. You can only guess what THAT looked like through the shades. Following the stick's suit, InuYasha jumped through the window and immediately began to gnaw on the stick in Miroku's lap. Now please, imagine what THAT looked like.

Sango gasped at their silhouettes. "NOBODY CHEWS OFF HIS NO-SO-MANLY MANHOOD EXCEPT FOR ME!" She rolled up her sleeves and stomped into the room of geishas and tea.

InuYasha whined a little and pawed at the stick. Miroku sighed and shook his head. "InuYasha…" Sango heard, and her anger grew. This wasn't supposed to be about alternate pairings! They took care of that issue a long time ago! To be exact, that was a whole sixteen chapters back.

"What the hell man?!" InuYasha looked up from the stick and sighed. He turned away from Sango again and returned to his stick. Sango, not realizing what it truly was, grabbed the back of his head and ripped him off.

InuYasha's hand ran against the stick as his face was slammed into the ground, and he got a splinter. It was a really big one too. It hurt A LOT.

"Ow! I hurtt my finger," InuYasha complained. His doggy persona was lost to the intense waves of pain known as Ouchy Splinter Finger. He stared at the small wound and whimpered. It began to bleed heavily. "Uh-oh." Kagome stared on helplessly. Shippo snored. Miroku hit on Sango. Sango retreated into her soul as a means to deal with the abuse. InuYasha…

"InuYasha," Kagome called. He rubbed his ears as her voice vibrated through them. It wasn't a good vibration (the 'happy' kind that mommies and daddies like-specifically mommies), so he was pissed.

"I'm right here! Why do you have to yell?!" Her eyes filled with tears. It's because she cares…

"It's because I care!" She began yelling at him. InuYasha's wound split up the length of his arm and all his blood flew everywhere. It sprayed all over Kagome and the only thing left was his pale, bloodless body. She began to scream. InuYasha was dead.

"InuYasha is dead!" She fell to the ground sobbing. It seemed like just five minutes ago they were playing in the mud with a stick, and he was calling her Stick. Time flies so fast when you're with loved ones… -Emo emo tear tear pain hurt-

Shippo woke up and walked over to her. "Kagome," he began in a comforting tone, "it will be ok. After all, Sesshomaru will find you next time you bathe and ravage your under-aged body. Then InuYasha will magically morph into a good friend, a brother, or a complete and utter asshole that enjoys necrophilia. Usually, he's an asshole, but in this case, he will be a mourned and greatly-missed good friend and comrade." Kagome looked up from her hands and stared at him. You really think so, Shippo?

"You really think so, Shippo," she asked hopefully. No one noticed that Shippo wasn't dead. They hadn't cared in the first place, so the Gods, who had wanted to watch their grieving over Shippo's death, returned him to earth on a Ping Pong Ball. It created a large hole in the earth that destroyed an oasis that could cure any disease. See! We don't need the rainforests…or rather we DIDN'T…

"I know so!"

Thus, it was so.

Actually, it turned out that no one missed InuYasha. In this case, he was, in fact, an asshole. Sucks to be him.

ANSWER: It's a dramatic technique they use to show that people are bleeding; anime usually involves more blood lose than real life-what else is new? Flapping capes and perfect hair are its cousins: its inbred cousins to be exact.

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So babes! How did I do? I had fun making it and Angst Lover (in my favorites) supported me the entire way. I thank her for this chapter, some previous chapters, and the production of many more! Cheers.

Please review and such.

TMA

I'm backkkkk xD It's been a few months, so come on guys, talk to me. I've been gone, and I want to know how your lives have been. I'm willing to lend an ear! I owe it in fact…hehe

Love to you all


	22. yummy men

It's another chapter! I done good on my really super incredibly long hiatus.

**Anime Questions Answered (!!) **

QUESTION: Why are fangirls so…odd and what causes their attacks?

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InuYasha was in Kagome's time waiting for Kagome to get out of school. That's right; for once, she actually went to school for an education! Isn't that funny? Just to think of woman getting an education. Ah…classic…

He sat there, innocently, licking a lollipop with little birds, butterflies, and bunnies hopping, fluttering, and flying around him. The sun shone down on him and smiled because, obviously, the sun has a face; it also has sunglasses, even though it shouldn't see its own light. Everything was pure and innocent.

They moved quickly and silently to catch their unsuspecting prey (hint: their prey is InuYasha, just in case you don't know) off guard. InuYasha should have been suspicious the moment the scary music played, but he ignored it. Then, he ignored all the birds, butterflies, and bunnies dying, running away, or going insane. He brushed off the sudden ominous dark clouds and took the thunder as mere weather: the fool.

When he finally decided it _might _be a good idea to check behind him, it was too late; he was surrounded and trapped like an animal. In this case, he was trapped like a HALF animal. Get it? He's half dog-demon, so he's half dog. It's funny: laugh.

"No! It can't be!! Nooooo." The fangirls attacked and sucked him downwards into their creepy arms. "No," InuYasha shouted as he disappeared into the swarm of evil.

Miroku was waiting by the well. Sango and Shippo had left because they were bored. Miroku, however, was very interested in spying on InuYasha and Kagome. Yes, that was the ye old version of pornography. Sadly, he never got that particular form of entertainment because…they attacked.

He looked up shocked and alert as THEY surrounded him. "What? Oh-oh my god. It's the face of evil! SANGO HELP!"

"Tehehehhe Miroku-Kun."

"Sweet Jesus," he gasped, "poor use of Japanese! I'm going to die here."

"Miiirrooookkkuuu-Kuunnn." They pulled him down into their evil glomps of evil, evilness.

Walking slowly, Sesshomaru continued down the road alone. He had left Rin, Jaken, and Ah-Un in the forest. This would prove to be his downfall.

"Sesshomaru…" He turned around at the whisper. The way it sounded was familiar: very familiar. His eyes widened.

"Fangirls," he whispered simply.

They all jumped out. Sesshomaru, hoping to destroy enough of them to escape, used his Poison Claws and Whip of Light all the while humming an intense, action-scene music track. Every day he put up with this! At least he got to kill innocent, unattractive females.

But they weren't destroyed by the poison. "What is the meaning of this?!" Sesshomaru asked, exasperated and a bit freaked out.

A fangirl named Sesshy's Stalker FoEvA smiled and explained.

"My love, for only 1,206390x807530 easy payments of .95, we all get Feeble-Attempts-At-Escape B-Gone! Your attacks only help to double our fangirl strength, Fluffy!" Sesshomaru began to cry.

"Nooo!!" he cried desperately. The fangirls attacked.

Naraku sat anxiously underneath a tree. He had heard rumors of a fangirl outbreak and was awaiting them. Soon, soon there would be millions! He imagined all of them, screaming his name, attacking him, trying to rape him, and/or chain him to their beds… Yes! Then he saw one.

"The first of many," he noted with a dark chuckle.He braced himself for overwhelming love and felt an incredible amount of…nothing.

"OMG! WTF? BBQ!?" he yelled as she ran past him. "I'm right here!"

The fangirl (Jakie's Baby) screamed and waved her arms. "Oh muh gawd It's Jaken! I Heart U!" She glomped him.

Naraku began to sniffle. "N-nobody l-lov-loves me." The fangirl shot a look saying, "duh" but mostly, ignored the living hell out of him.

Bankotsu was hunting for dinner. Jakotsu, who was away from him for once, was probably weaving flowers into deadly poisonous necklaces again. What an adventure THAT was. To take advantage of the shemale-free quiet, he had gone off alone.

As he ignored the peace, he heard a twig snap uncharacteristically too close to him. His eyes narrowed. "Show yourself."

Naraku popped his head out. "Shhh." He stepped out from the trees into the clearing, wearing tight leather chaps and a spiked collar. "Run. They are coming."

Bankotsu understood and began to run from them: fangirls.

The fangirls appeared. Naraku smirked and took a step closer to them. "Yeah I know you ladies totally want me and my sexy bod', but please control yourselv-" They ran over him without a thought.

"BANNY-KUN!!"

"LET'S GET MARRRRIIIEEDDD!!"

"Have sex with me, my snuggle bear!"

Bankotsu was carried off, screaming.

Naraku's eyes were large and watery. "B-but what about me? Hot Topic won't let me return this now that I've worn it!" The fangirls had attacked and trampled.

Kouga was running along, surveying his territory, and getting ready to visit HIS Kagome. You know, she's totally property, he owns her, and such. Then (gasp!), he saw Naraku.

"Naraku, what the HELL are you wearing?!" Naraku rolled his eyes. It was sooo obvious.

"A man thong underneath black, tight, leather ass-less chaps. Duh."

"Oh, oh my god. I'm gonna be sssicckk." Kouga ran off, fighting his gag reflex. The fangirls began to sprint after him. Their powers of obsession gave them speed; in fact, they were so fast that they were catching up to Kouga.

Naraku licked a finger, touched it to his "bare" buttock, and made a hissing noise. "I'm HOT, and you know you want it!" he proceeded to purring and smacking his own ass.

The fangirls stoped and stared, their mouths open wide.

"Run girls, run! It's that Monkey Guy!"

"AHhh KOUGA PROTECT US!"

"Come back," Naraku called to their retreating backs as they ran from him, "Please call me stupid names (besides Monkey Guy). Love me!!"

Kouga ran from Naraku's chaotic outfit and unknowingly, the fangirls, while the fangirls ran from Monkey Guy and chased Kouga.

"W-why!?" Naraku cried as it began to rain, only on him obviously. The fangirls had come, attacked, and ran.

Suikotsu was out gathering herbs to clean and heal wounds. Why Jakotsu liked to run through the woods until the tree branches' whippings made him bleed, Suikotsu would never know. He turned a corner to look for more lavender (It made Bankotsu smell so calming and fresh!), when GASP! He saw flashing lights, a runway, a pole, and…Naraku.

Naraku dressed in six-inch (15.2 centimeter) stilettos and boot-ay shorts was attempting to slide down a pole.

"Trying to be loved again?"

Turning to Suikotsu, Naraku nodded with tears in his eyes. Suikotsy gavea kind smile. "Naraku you seem to crave love and attention…Did your parents abuse you?"

Naraku sighed and looked away. "It all began when I was five…"

FLASHBACK FLASHBACK FLASHBACK FLASHBACK FLASHBACK FLASHBACK TIIIMMMMEEEEE

_Little Narry-kun was skipping along licking his over-sized lollipop, when…crash!_

"_Oh no! Sparky broke mommy's favorite vase!" Sparky the Rabid Demon ran off, leaving Nary-Kun with the mess._

"_Naraku! That's it!" his mother prepared for the worst punishment of all punishments ever to punish in the history of punishing._

"_No mommy! No not a wet willy! Noooo…"_

_BACK TO THE PRESENT BACK TO THE PRESENT BACK TO THE PRESENT WE GOOO_

Naraku began to sob. "I-it was like that until I was sixteen and left home. I lived on the streets, gave up my body for money to strangers…I shopped at discount stores for clothes." Suikotsu's face took on a pained expression at the thought of Naraku wearing something worse than stilettos. "I never got over it," Naraku admitted.

Suikotsu replied, "This doesn't mean they don't love you, but it seems the situation has made you desperate for love and attention. But fangirls? That's despicable." Suikotsu spit in his face and walked off, ignoring Naraku, leaving him alone. Then, he heard them again.

"OMG! Suikotsu set up a stripper pole! Let's make him use it!" Not caring how desperate he seemed, Naraku pole-danced, making intense eye contact for seductive purposes.

"Purrr," he purred.

"Oh he got a cross dresser to make us laugh," one of the fangirls called out.

"How sweet of him!" They began to laugh, except for some of them because it's rude to laugh at someone's life choice, and it's cool to be a cross dresser…as long as people can tell if you're dressing as a man or woman.

One of the girls began to s cream. "It's not just a cross dresser! It's the Monkey Guy!"

"RUN, TO ESCAPE HIM, AND CATCH SUIKOTSU!" They all ran after the fleeting Suikotsu. Naraku began to chase them.

Then, suddenly, InuYasha, Sesshomaru, Miroku, Kouga, Bankotsu, and Jaken came into view. Millions upon millions of fangirls traveling in separate packs merged, forming the most evil alliance ever.

Their common goals were 1) escape Monkey Guy and 2) Get their BABY BOYS!!11#Q!!1two.

The sexy men ran seductively into Kaede's village, screaming loudly with their stalkers and Monkey Guy following. As they ran slow mo for dramatic effect, beads of smelly sweat dripped down their hard, defined muscles and through their body hair. Their faces were all split with screams of agony and terror. If anyone were a sadist, it was hot stuff and quite the show.

"INU HONEY!"

"No not the ears, not the ears.Noooo!"

"This Sesshomaru is displeased."

"Ohhh Talk more third person to me baby!"

"AAaagahhhhh!!"

"Ohhh my Banny is a man of few words…sexay!"

Suikotsu merely continued to run, and Miroku sucked his thumb. (Was that a rhyme? Run and thumb? It sounds kinda like it if you say it really fast.)

They quickly reached the village, and InuYasha launched himself into Kagome's arms.

"Scary!" he said. She made calming, hushing noises, and gave him his blankie.

"I know, I know. Shhh it's alright now."

Sango began to bandage Miroku. He was too weak and exhausted to grope her, so she did a strip tease while nursing him. It was the best day ever for her. The control and power was exhilarating.

Rin was picking flowers for Sesshomaru to burn and destroy. It was like his own little secret stress reliever.

"Red tulips? How did you know, Rin?!"

Then Naraku saw the fangirls glomping Bankotsu, Suikotsu, and Kouga. There was still a single fangirl in Jaken's case.

"TAKE OFF KOUGA'S SEXY SKIRT!"

"This is a loincloth thank you, and it's worn by all powerful leaders of my clan!" Surrreee.

"Tehehe You're soooo –continues for five minutes- funny Kougy! Trying to hide your love of female clothing by mentioning your tribe is hysterical. Hehehe."

Naraku looked over at Sango lovingly touching Miroku's ass. "Oh Sango you knew what I really wanted, all along!"

He whipped his head around (Like Ace Ventura in "When Nature Calls") to see Kagome kissing InuYasha's boo-boos all better.

"My ears kind of hurt."

"All better?'

"My finger does."

"Now?"

"My cheek hurts."

"Ok?"

"My inner thigh aches a little."

"Don't go there."

Naraku began to sniffle. "EVEN JAKEN HAS A FANGIRL!!" He threw himself to the ground, banging his fists and kicking his feet. The fangirls stopped their Unrequited PDA to stare.

"Monkey Guy, you're scary."

"Please force feed me a banana! Make me act like a circus monkey with symbols! Strip me of my dignity…and clothes! LOVE ME!" he continued to cry. Then, unfortunately, he began to sing. "One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do/Two can be as bad as one/It's the loneliest number since the number one." He forgot the rest so he added on, "But I'm still only at one because my number of fangirls is NONE!" Nice rhyme, poor English.

The fangirls sighed. "We don't go for men that sing horribly and are confused about their gender."

Naraku stopped singing. "Oh no you didn't!"

Everyone minus Naraku and the fangirls snapped their fingasz. "Oh we went there, took some pictures, and posted them on myspace!"

"BURN! BUURRNN!" Everyone "raised da r00f yo." Naraku stood up glaring.

"Never ever make fun of my karaoke!" Then Naraku used his secret weapon. "Go Michael Jackson-mon! Use Moon Walk! …No. Bad Michael Jacksonmon!"

Michael Jacksonmon was chasing Shippo.

"Wow that was pathetic, so we're going to continue our glomping now." The other girls agreed and turned to the despairing men. Naraku began to scream.

"That's it! Now it is time for my ultimate secret weapon! Let's go Catsinheat-ialozilamona! MWAHHAHHAHAHA….haha…ha…ha…ha…" the cats were busy hissing, looking for legs to spray on, and other cats. It got really messy when they found the legs and other cats.

Naraku sighed. "Ultimate evil secret weapon, go Country Music," he said in a monotone voice.

The music began slowly, but built up to fulfill its stereotypical expectations. "Lost my wife. Can't get laid. My dog ran away. My daughter likkkkess women! Truck broke down, too broke to get it fixed. God, beer, fast banjo, and fiddle playin!"

Naraku was the only one not on the ground in agony, begging for mercy; he had build up an immunity from his visits to his redneck relatives. The giant earplugs helped.

Suddenly, Michael Jacksonmon stopped chasing Shippo. This gave Shippo long enough to climb into a tree and begin crying. "HOOWWLLLL," Michael Jacksonmon howled. Naraku gasped.

"I forgot! Country music attack and young boys are his only weaknesses! I have to stop the music…but I must cause pain…" He began to ponder.

"Hiiissss," hissed Michael Jacksonmon. Then he did that weird crane position that is either funny yoga or weird eighties karate.

"Ahhh No! …what is he doing? ….Noo I don't want to hear about what hurts the most!"

"Oh no peekatcho, it's his ultimate attack! Change Colors Spin!" cried Naraku to his random over-sized mouse.

"Peekatchoo!" cried Peekatcho as he looked up Kagome's skirt.

"No, Peekatcho! No humping! Bad Peekatcho!" Naraku sprayed Peekatcho with a water bottle.

"Blacktoalbinowhite!" Everything began to move slow-mo. Naraku tapped his foot impatiently.

"I have a two o'clock hair appointment, and I will NOT be late again! It is soooo rude." Time sped up very quickly all of a sudden, and everyone turned black. That excludes Shippo because Michael Jacksonmon likes him some white chocolate!

And yes, Naraku was never loved.

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ANSWER: It's simple really; the characters are sexy, and they're sooo easy to kidnap. I mean who wouldn't want Sesshomaru calling them muffin? Or perhaps, Kouga rubbing their back? All that and more could be yours, when you become a stalker fangirl who tends to attack!

But if you're not a fangirl, don't try to get any fangirls. They prefer to carry you off screaming, not moaning.

Well, tell me what you thought, and I'll improve or continue what I'm doing.

Love love love,

TMA


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